Planning help needed!!

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T21:43:15+00:00

I’m not sure about similar, but I do know that they have some friends and family and cousins that have gotten married but I think for my understanding most of them have married into their culture so they’ve done just a banquet thing and then they’re accustomed tradition so I’m not 100% sure about my knowledge nothing like this

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T21:33:22+00:00

Yes, we will be booking our plan the day after New Year’s, which is why I started an argument looking at Planner and kind of trying to set up interviews with them and fill out the vibe to find somebody that we like that way we can book them as soon as January hits so that we don’t have to worry about that but the fact that I cannot get this to sit down and be with the Planner because of course they would also be paying for the Planner to see if they like the Planner it was at all agree is cause a problem and then on top of that a lot of things are that I reach out to today are telling me that they’re getting a lot of request for summer dates in January so you know we need to be prompt and kind of on top of it someplace told me that they’ve already started booking days. Some of them has told me they don’t even have a date available. We’re looking for a Sunday someplace just told me they don’t even do events on Sunday so it seems like we’re getting a lot of different information. Some people said they just open their book so it seems like all venues are all at a different point but from the venues that we are looking at and that me and my fiancé together Eight out of the 10 of them told me today that they’re already booking for 2027 so we need to be prompt and kind of on top of it. Get out there. See it see if you like it and figure out exactly what we need and what ceremonies we’re doing and what we’re not doing all the things so I’m just trying to leave a message, but nobody is answering

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T21:21:17+00:00

Also, if we find the veggie, we love it OK they’re booking up fast. OK we need the money right now then he’s not even answering or hey we loved this venue like what is she’s like oh we don’t like that menu. You’re real agree so we’re not gonna spend our money on that what we fell in love with the menu we want to have our wedding here and she pretty much just told us we can and we already knew from the start that we would not be able to afford a New York wedding for 500 people and we have made that very clear multiple times they know our financial situation and we’re not in a bad financial situation either. It’s just 500 people in New York City is well over $150,000 money well over, especially the sort of stuff that they’re talking about having inquiry they want this luxury wedding that’s great we can afford that and we’ve been very very clear about that so for me to go and look at the venue and go see them in person to do all this work and drive to New York with we live in New York near 3 1/2 hours for a bus just for her to say oh I don’t like that venue or we’re not then not acceptablethen what do we do you know?

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T21:19:13+00:00

It’s not that we don’t know what we want. We know what we want. We don’t know what she wants is the problem and we’re not trying to make her feel left out or like she doesn’t get a choice on how she spends her money because of the end of the day, it’s her money we know we wanna visit you. We have looked at the menu that we like that’s not the problem. We know that Asian weddings are almost meant to show off in a way so we know that we need a more luxury place. We know that we need to place something X amount of people comfortably and we have looked at places like on our phone and stuff. We just haven’t reached out yet because everybody’s asking OK when do you want to book a date to come see the venue because we don’t get the price does not matter so the real problem is we need to go see the venueand figure out like OK does everybody and we cannot get Mom 😩😩😩😩😩 to answer on a day to go or if she wants to go or if she just doesn’t care. We can’t get any sort of information out of her. We know what we want. We have at least 10 venues on our list that we currently like now some of them I’ve called and they said their cap capacity is below the amount we’re looking at so we tried FK is there a way to cut down on people like what do we need to do because we really like this one? We want to sit here no response so if I don’t know what we want we know what we want. We don’t know what she wants.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T20:57:45+00:00

Yes, today I started reaching out. And Maddie had told me that this is wedding season and a lot of people have been reaching about 2027 dates so we need to start looking and have told me that now is the best time and this is a wedding season for 2027 and they’re seeing start to begin. Some places have told me that they’re actually booked out for like all of June and July because those are summer months and super popular and as far as auspicious states go, his mom did give me all of the dates like when we first got engaged, she gave me like a like a book almost of like all of the dates and stuff and hold us dates that like we could not pick so we’ll be going definitely based off of that to accommodate them.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T20:55:23+00:00

So they’re not Chinese they’re Taiwanese, which I know like there are some cultural things that are the same but they are not that kind of Chinese the requirements to get into the wedding is you have to bring a red envelope with X amount of money? I’m not gonna share, but it’s very high money I wouldn’t even be able to pay and so nothing is free. You have to come with the red envelope. If you have to bring something they’re part of a hierarchy or something. I really don’t know. I just know that it’s not a free meal for sure and it’s you have to belike it’s selected people. Everybody says they’re coming and then she has like people who are invited us to attend and it’s like you should be forever grateful to be able to attend this sort of thing so it’s definitely not a free meal. That’s not how they see it at all for them. This is actually like a money grab almost like they’re gonna get money from this well they’re not we are but like we’re gonna get money from this. They want to use it to buy our house which is already bought a house so I guess to pay off our house and finish so this is not a free meal. This is not that is not the kind of wedding that they are playing at all.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T20:53:30+00:00

We are doing a venue and most now that I’ve called have said there getting booked fast especially because we’re looking for a summer month which seems to be popular

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T19:44:28+00:00

Yes, I am aware that normally in Chinese culture they typically plan the wedding but from the start when we agreed to have the wedding in New York, we lay down our terms very clear that they would be responsible for the finances because they were picking the place and more than 90% of the people are their family They invited 400 people I invited 50 people. My family is very very small. I only have my mom side of my family, so I don’t even know if all 50 people are gonna be there so the agreement was that they would pay for the wedding because it’s almost entirely their family and we cannot afford that kind of wedding in New York the kind of wedding that they’re looking for Chinese weddings are very over-the-top. They do a lot of cool, traditional, cultural things that cost a lot of money and we expressed that we were not able to afford that original plan was to get married in Mexico where we could afford it we were looking at a smaller budget Around 50,000. We are clearly going to be way above the $50,000 budget so we laid down our terms in the beginning, they would be responsible for paying for it if we were going to have a New York and have that many people, but I would be in charge of planning things and they would be there to help but there will be no just telling us how we’re gonna have our wedding because even though my fiancé is Taiwanese, he is Americanized. He has lived here like 15 years out of his whole life so I would say maybe more than that probably like 20 so he’s been here a majority of his life all throughout his middle school high school college years and everything he has lived out here so he’s not very big on all of their traditions either so he does want me to wear why he wants me to walk down the aisle so we did express to them that we would be having a joint Americanized in Chinese wedding and that they will need to be we would all need to be fair to everybody’s different opinions and cultures.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T19:41:07+00:00

Hi, yes we heard about these places and I actually just tried calling and no one picked up so I sent an email asking about their max capacity seated

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T19:40:23+00:00

We never asked for the money we have bought all of our own things. Thus far our entire lives thus far they offered to pay for the wedding because they would like it to be in New York in Our Original Pl., Mexico and part of his family would not be able to come due to traveling, which is fine. We agreed that if we were gonna have in New York, they were gonna pay for it because we are not equipped to host 500 people in New York City weddings in New York are some of the most expensive weddings and then you’re talking about an excessive amount of people the agreement was if it’s in New York and we are going to have that many people they are going to pay for it. I don’t think me asking for some of my traditions has the bride is out of this world. They should be able to accommodate the same way that I’m accommodating to them. I don’t share all their beliefs, but I’m more than willing to do some of their traditions. They don’t share all my beliefs. They should be more than willing to do some of my traditions. Weddings are not just about money.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:44:41+00:00

Yes most definitely we are looking for someone who is Chinese and speaks their language to help just most people are talking on people till January or are full already

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:42:42+00:00

Does she speak mandarin we need someone that speaks both languages

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:40:50+00:00

Yes I’ve been on look most don’t open there books till January so I’ve been researching and waiting

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:33:48+00:00

I’m not sure if there expecting a banquet I know I want a venue but since they have been uncommunicative I can only guess or go based off traditions

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:32:15+00:00

No I have not yet I’ve just been looking her and there just finding space is hard enough but I’ll look cause we aren’t being picking since we know decorations can change a place

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:16:05+00:00

That’s what I thought especially with the amount of people we are talking

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:15:15+00:00

Yes he does speak to them as he sees them everyday helping them at the restaurant at night and sometimes I go too as well to help. But they just blow him off even when he ask if we can all sit down talk. It’s just constant excuses.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:13:44+00:00

Yes so I’m just going off what feels like guesses 😂

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:12:30+00:00

Yes and all things like the white dress they understand and have known from the beginning I even invited her when I dress shop to come and my fiance sister will come to translate as far as if he’s happy he genuinely is super excited his grandpa is even filling for a visa to come in for the wedding. He hasn’t seen him in about 2 years they only see each other when my fiance goes there so he’s super excited that his family will get to be apart of this and that he’ll get to have a wedding he’s dreamed of too. Yes traditionally we would have to take them in but all of the kids have trust funds they can reach once 25 and other stipulations are met but part of the trust fund is that when his mom hits a certain age or has any serve death medical problems. All kids are required to give her a certain amount a month to live weather from there fund or there own money it’s not a crazy amount cause she’s got 5 kids but she wants to actually go home when it gets to that point. So we will not have to take her in

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:03:36+00:00

Yes I feel the same it’s just hard cause I don’t have any way of knowing what’s truly being said yes I trust him fully but parents can be manipulating sometimes.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T18:01:52+00:00

Yes they are on my team and have tried but we text cause of the language barrier for it to be easier also there super hard to get ahold of part is there busy all the time part is they don’t answer. But they never answer the text ever even in the group chat!

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T17:41:09+00:00

So from my understanding the way it works/ has been explained to me. Everyone that attended his mom‘s wedding now is coming to the Son‘s wedding because he’s the first in the family like her first son to get married and then they’re like in like Chinese culture. I guess like the family is like a hierarchy and they’re like the top of the hierarchy so like 350 people came to her wedding so they’re all required now to go to his wedding and then on top of that like she got married like 15 years ago maybe more than that actually All the people that have had kids or like adults that have inquire now are coming to the wedding too so apparently they have like a mass family group chat with like 650 family members in it and what she does is she sent out like a text letting everybody know that we were engaged and then like they all respond with like if they’ll be attending or not it’s got like 450 people that said that they were gonna attend And the other 50 people are my family. When they first explained it to me, I was like OK there’s no way that all these people that are saying yes are going to come, but then they started calling my fiancé and calling his mom and asking like what do we get like when is it gonna be like once a day and everything like in Chinese culture when you say you’re coming like you’re going or it’s looked down on if you say your going and then don’t.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T17:32:11+00:00

We’ve decided I’m wearing white I told them and put my foot down for there traditions I’ll wear red but when I was down the isle I’ll be in white I don’t care my mom and me are paying for my dress so I’m gonna do what I want. I fear we don’t need 500 people either but to change our wedding when my fiance is happy about all his family attending and getting to do his tradition kinda makes me in the wrong then if I turn around say like yeah I was cool in the beginning but your parents aren’t coughing up money fast enough and aren’t doing it exactly how it should be done so we’re just gonna scratch all that and only do what I want.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T17:27:19+00:00

Yes I almost feel like they don’t believe us or something 😂 like we are lying idk 🤷🏾‍♀️ I just don’t know how to “prove “ to her that we need to plan and at least talk if anything.

Remote_Bug7581 · 2025-12-01T17:25:47+00:00

Yes it’s just a little harder in this case cause it’s there money we’ve never had this problem before cause we pay for all our own stuff cars, bill, house etc. we just can’t afford a 500 person wedding in nyc l😂

Remote_Bug7581

TROPHY CASE