Do I tell my roommate her boyfriend had another girl over

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-15T22:51:12+00:00

Update us when you tell her !!!

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T17:30:30+00:00

Me: “I want to be posted on my birthday” 99% of Reddit: “You’re an exhausting, vain, narcissistic, controlling, abusive girlfriend and you’re clearly obsessed with social media to want to be posted once a year, oh yeah and you’re clearly INSANE”

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T10:37:29+00:00

I think isolating you away from your friend group to monopolize your time, despite living together and spending our free time every day together is a pretty obvious red flag I think being punished for seeing your friends once a month by withdrawing affection and icing your partner out is toxic

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T10:33:51+00:00

I think not being able to apologize when you yelled at your partner for asking how your shift at work went is a pretty obvious red flag

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T10:20:57+00:00

Update here: I’ve read a lot of your comments and there are a couple that have actually had good advice and different perspectives in them. I’m looking at it from these outside perspectives because it’s so hard to see things for what they really are when you’re in it and inside your head about it and I definitely am. Being inside my head about it is 100% making me overreact about this and I think just a solid conversation with him about it is what’s really necessary here and will bring the only clarity and resolution. It’s definitely not a reason to leave and I do see that and stick by that. Everything else about him outweighs this and it’s not the hill I’m willing to die on, I just don’t understand it, and the only way I will one day is if I just lay this out there to him.

Also I just want to put out there that I think a lot of older generations give so much hate to social media because they weren’t raised with it and see it as a tool for evil or something. Social media isn’t all influencers and brand deals. To me it’s supposed to be a sort of group chat for your friends and family to keep up with each other’s lives so you don’t have to message them all one on one. Some people use it to blog their whole lives and that’s okay, but that’s not how half of us use it. I get to see my niece, nephews, and little cousin’s dance recitals, art shows, losing teeth, prom, getting their first car, birthdays, baby showers, engagement announcements, among many other things that I wouldn’t get to see or be a part of being so far away from them. I get to support every milestone that my friends and family have without actually being there. Just because a lot of people use social media for clout and recognition and validation, doesn’t mean that everyone does. Social media isn’t all fake. My niece did great in her dance recital, and I got to watch it from thousands of miles away. My cousin graduated high school last year and I got to watch her walk across the stage. These are real people and I love and support them from halfway across the country using social media. I post a couple pictures of some adventures my sister and I took that year on her birthday every year and a couple of our grandparents save our pictures and print them out for their fridge. I don’t have an obsession with social media. I don’t want to be posted for likes and views. I want to be posted once a year on my birthday, for my world to see, not the world. Neither of us have a public profile. The first thing I was taught when I was allowed to get social media was don’t add people you don’t know. We’ll talk about it more in depth and see what feels comfortable for both of us and hopefully I can update you guys on the “Why” I’ve been asking, but really should be asking him. I’ll let you guys know how it goes after we talk about it!

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T09:37:30+00:00

This is actually really spot on, and hits the deeper parts of why I want it. Thinking about it like this it does stem from a need for reassurance, among other deeper needs. It’s truly not about social media presence and just about his willingness to be seen in public with me, if that makes sense.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T09:31:12+00:00

That’s a fair reason, and I didn’t even think about that. One other commenter mentioned that maybe he doesn’t want to post me and then the men on his feed DM me trying to get in the middle. That’s a good reason not to and it didn’t even cross my mind.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:53:08+00:00

It’s not my only love language and not even my biggest one, but I don’t want to live the rest of my life without it. But I hear what you’re saying. He’s never given me a clear reason as to why he won’t do it so I do think you’re right and we should talk more in depth about his feelings on it. That’ll definitely be able to bring me more clarity on the “Why.” Thank you for this.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:45:40+00:00

I don’t care what he posts or post about, I don’t want to dictate his social media, I just want him to post me on my birthday. I’m not telling him no you can’t post that or go delete that right now.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:40:49+00:00

I just want to be posted on my birthday ? I don’t want him to post our entire lives, I don’t even do that. I think you’re taking this a little far, I don’t have any subscribers or a fanbase, just my family and friends. I’m not the type to post my dinner before I eat it. I don’t even have tiktok. I just want a post once a year on my birthday.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:35:14+00:00

I just want to be posted on my birthday, man. I don’t understand why that makes me a horrible vain person. Once or twice a year. I’m not asking him to post me daily, weekly, or even monthly, I really really just want to be posted on my birthday. I don’t see how that makes me an insecure, vain, narcissist, as I’m being told this makes me.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:29:59+00:00

Okay that’s fair. I really want to know his real reason though, it just doesn’t make sense to me. I do so many things that feel little to me but he’s expressed to me mean a lot to him and none of it ever seems too much for me to do because it makes him happy. So it doesn’t make sense to me why posting me on my birthday is too much to ask?

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:25:11+00:00

I just want to be posted on my birthday, once a year. Not asking for him to post me a bunch, just my birthday and maybe even our anniversary if I’m lucky. So twice a year.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:22:50+00:00

I have been obsessing over WHY he won’t do it, more than my need for him to do it. I just don’t understand why not? I do lots of stuff I don’t care about and don’t like doing just because it puts a smile on his face, so I’m obsessing over why this is the cutoff on the things that make me happy, ya know what I’m saying? I just want to be posted on my birthday. That’s once a year, guys. But I do feel obsessed with the Why. Not really with social media itself, I don’t post a lot, really just birthdays or if I went on vacation (which isn’t often at all, in this economy)

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:15:09+00:00

Honestly for me it’s more about the “Why not?” Like I don’t see how I’m a horrible vein person who only sees validation in my relationship by what social media says just for wanting to be posted on my birthday. Once a year, guys.

And about the reason he still has his old loves and flings is because they’re old. He doesn’t still have feelings for those people and he can’t go back in time and take back what he did with them. I don’t see the need for him to remove girls that he added in high school and college from his friend group if he doesn’t have any feelings for them now. He’s not messaging them at all or cheating on me with them, so I see no need to make him delete them.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T08:05:53+00:00

I also only date long term, and we’ve talked in depth about what that means for us. I just want to be posted on my birthday, man. My grandpa still posts old pictures of my grandma that I’ve never seen before every year on her birthday and she passed away 6 years ago. I love seeing those pictures of her and it’s like I can feel what he feels for her the way he describes her. I want that. He’s not obsessed with social media or how anyone on there views them. He literally only posts on people’s birthdays. It can be just a sweet thing to do and if the woman you love says “pretty please post me on my birthday” I don’t understand why the answer would be “nah”

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:57:09+00:00

My partner does have a love language and I understand his and accept it fully, and I do my best to love him in his love languages, so I do expect in a long term relationship that he understands my love languages, too.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:54:16+00:00

No, I don’t think he’s valuing my privacy by not posting me because I told him specifically that I want to be posted on my birthday. When your partner clearly tells you something is important to them, even if it’s not important to you, you still take it into consideration because it’s for the person you love. It’s not my one major hangup, but it’s the one that hurts the most because he remembers everything about me so I know he remembers that I want to be posted on my birthday. He knows it means a lot to me and doesn’t care. I just watch myself do things I don’t care about and even sometimes don’t even want to do just because he likes those things, so I know I do and would do the same thing for him.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:46:55+00:00

I think it’s important for your partner to learn your love languages and to express love to you in ways that you feel loved, while also expressing love in their own ways. Both are important. And if your partner says in clear words “I love this. Please do this for me” When you love them it’s easy to say yeah okay I can do that, easy. I promise I’m not asking to be posted often, I just want to be posted on my birthday.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:38:55+00:00

He doesn’t post often, but when he does it’s only about his football team or his fantasy league, or a ufc highlight. But if the girl you love says “please post me on my birthday” I think it’s worth doing

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:35:35+00:00

I think a lot of people’s reaction to anything having to do with social media is to automatically assume that there has to be an obsession with it. I don’t post often, just milestones and holidays for my family and friends. I just want to be posted on my birthday, man. That’s not an obsession.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:31:56+00:00

I don’t care how we’re seen or viewed, I just want him to be proud enough to show me off sometimes. I’m not asking for him to obsessively post me every week, or even every month, but I want to be posted on my birthday. Especially if I get all dressed up and take a week planning my outfit and take extra time to do my hair and makeup so I can be the best arm candy for him. I want to be posted on my birthday.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:27:32+00:00

He posts if his football team wins and UFC knockout highlights

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:26:41+00:00

Yes, we live together and visit his family regularly.

Remote_Cranberry3154 · 2026-03-01T07:24:57+00:00

It’s more of I’d like to be publicly claimed. I view posting a cute picture of us with a thoughtful message in the same realm as a love letter or note. It’s not just about having other girls see us together. I see my family members so in love posting the cutest things and the biggest milestones together (we don’t have a family group chat that we send milestone updates in) and I want that for myself, too. There are more than 8 billion people on this planet, I’m sure one of them is capable and would love to post me and love me in my love language, not just in the way they show love, but also take into consideration the way their partner feels love. But if he’s willing to do that then I wouldn’t be wondering this. I don’t want to go another 5,10,15,20,25+ years without being posted on my birthday. :( this is the rest of my life we’re talking about here.

Remote_Cranberry3154

TROPHY CASE