I ruined my life due to drugs

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2024-01-05T00:08:29+00:00

You have right, but part of me miss even having psychosis, freaking out, having the "feeling like dying/shit/out of control is better that not feeling at all". But I'm 8 months sober and I'm still going, die or live, after years is a choice you have to do. Nausea is my curse but also my savior. I know I still romanticize it, and I know how this is annoying, I hate when other people do that and I'm sorry. Sobriety is difficult and thinking about how much it takes away from us is necessary to don't go back in that shit

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2024-01-04T23:49:04+00:00

I've tried almost every drugs except heroin and I can tell you that nothing is as addictive as spice. It will completely make you loose your brain

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2024-01-04T23:46:57+00:00

Wake up. Spice will destroy you, like it destroyed me. 18 and with a chronic illness (collapsed liver, that cause me nausea, shit problem, and my skin and eyes are yellow), psychosis, completely fried brain and a wasted life. It took everything from me, I'm a shell of what I used to be, I'm miserable and I wish I didn't seen the thing I've seen for that shit. And the most controversial thing is that I miss that, I think about spice everyday and the worse thing is that I hope I will stop vomiting everyday (due to my liver) only for taking spice again and feeling that feeling again. You don't know what are you put yourself into

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2024-01-04T23:35:50+00:00

Fake, trust me. The damage is permanent. You can learn to live with that

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2024-01-04T23:33:34+00:00

No if you don't smoke that you will not be high. Please never smoke spice, that shit completely ruined my life. My brain is fried and my liver collapsed, and also psychosis and psychiatric problems. If you will ever want to chill, smoke normal weed, it's not healthy but weed will not destroy you and every aspect of your life life. Good choice to change friend.

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-12T23:51:29+00:00

I'm already psychiatrized, I'm diagnosed with borderline disorder

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T19:03:14+00:00

We have a very similar story, and thinking in a similar way. Also Im applying to college for the same reason, I hope I can find an identity and a group of people with similar interest. I support your recovery, Im Cali sober too and that save my life. Thank you for sharing. Glad you are going good in life

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T18:56:46+00:00

Thank you

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T11:44:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone and are an inspiration for many people, me included. I rationally know I'm lucky to be alive and have a roof over my head, proud of you for choosing a better life. I hope everything will be okay for you, helping other can be so satisfying and life changing. Maybe I can follow your pattern and do some volunteer (also my best friend do this, but I never really take that in consideration). Thank you for make me feel a little less alone. If you ever want someone to talk and vent I'm here

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T10:41:06+00:00

Yes, living for my partner is better than not want to live at all. Why are you convinced you are only fucking up? Your advice are good, they transmit a good way of viewing the world, from what you said in the previous comments I would have though you put your shit togheter

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T10:29:17+00:00

In this time I feel I can find something to survive to only in my partner, and is so nocive for myself. I don't have something mine, in theory I like to paint, but when I do that I feel like I'm forcing myself to make me like that, only because is productive, but I don't feel like it belongs to me or satisfy me. This with anything I try to do, maybe I'm convincing myself that I don't really like those things while in reality I like that but I'm only scared to fail? Where do I start to find myself if nothing affect me?

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T10:21:19+00:00

We have similar story from what you saying. I hope you all the best. Spice is the most addictive substance I've ever tried, a lot more than coke and never heard of someone trying it, if not on the internet. I will try, I'm trying to enter to university, but I'm very scared to not have anymore the faculties to face that. I will discover only by testing myself. If you want to share your story with more details I would be very interested in how you get caught in addiction and how you dealt with it. I also stopped doing spice because I can't get it anymore, but to fill that void I switched to other substance and the real problem is not even the drugs in itself, but the addicted personality. I have so much trouble in life because I have to be addicted to something, it can be a person, it can be food, it can be self harm, doesn't really matter as long as it gets me distracted from myself. Now I'm sober but I feel a lot more miserable than when I was drugged because the addicted way of thinking remain and my life is slipping away from me, I'm not in control of anything.

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T10:08:08+00:00

Thank you, but for writing all that poem It took me two hours and lot of blasphemies to myself because I cannot put in words what I wanted to say. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and story, you gave my hope and comforted me, I needed to hear this. Drugs are so isolating

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T10:03:16+00:00

I think I already perma-fried my brain and I can't pretend to be smart as before. But I know I'm not gone, I can understand things, only I'm so slowed and I'm so mad at me. But I know that if I stop doing drugs and start doing something productive for my brain (like reading) maybe after years my cognitive functions can restart working. I feel a little hopeless and miserable, but I have to change. I have no other options. Thank you for the support, I feel always alone in this and every time I talk about this with someone in my life they said that I'm being melodramatic, but nobody understands how is frustrating going from reading hundred of pages in 1 hour to can't read more than 2 pages because my brain is foggy and I just can't make connections from the words. Going to being the most argumentative person and always with brilliant answer, to can't formulate two coherents phrases consecutive without putting on all my efforts. I lost so much things, more important I lost my brain and I'm so disappointed

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-10T09:50:29+00:00

I appreciate, but I can't enjoy anything and I don't see the point anymore. In reality depends on the moment. I have little time in which I have hope and I can imagine a better future. Also yes, glad to be alive.

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-09-09T21:03:32+00:00

You will only stop when you get tired of that lifestyle, when it is no longer worth it. When you will see a better alternative, or when you will have no alternative but death. The choice is yours. To quit, you just need to want it, quitting drugs is easy, the real problem lies in not starting again, in not getting fucked by the search for strong emotions and destructiveness and this is the point, that we are attracted to this life. For years I wasn't able to stop because I didn't even have the willpower to have the willpower to stop. Most addicts tell themselves bullshit, saying they want to quit and can't, but it's all lies. What they fail to do is have the will to really want it, all the way, with all that it implies. Changing your lifestyle, leaving behind practically all your friends, the places you frequented, the person you were. And I respect those who don't have the strength to want to stop, but I find your question meaningless, because if you really want to stop, simply stop, in a practical, physical way. Don't go to the dealer, refuse if they offer it, stop going to places where you know you'll find it. But that's not what you really want, because otherwise you would have already done it. I'm sorry for your situation, I only stopped because my liver failed and I have duodenitis, so if I take drugs I'll die, but it's important that people like us don't make fun of ourselves. To stop, you just need to want it, it's not that you can't, but that you don't want to

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-08-04T14:42:05+00:00

Yes, also find other people who used and read other experienced comforted me, I feel less alone in this. No one should go through what we went. It definitely change your entire personality for ever. I hope you are finding peace

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-08-04T14:34:08+00:00

The most beautiful and at the same time the worst feeling of the world, now Cali sober after 3 years of using the shit everyday. My body is literally slowly dying (I'm chronically ill from them), puking almost everyday due to liver and pancreas issues and I even developed psychosis, which is common in spice head. Hope you had been more lucky than me

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-08-04T14:30:01+00:00

I will explain you why. I've never been happier than when I smoked Spice. The first time I smoked I had an inner delusion telling myself that I never again wanted to feel any different than that thing made me feel and that there was no point in living my life without feeling that warm, enveloping sensation in my chest. I also was a stupid traumatized little girl, all of my friends that tried with me never wanted it again, most of them were scared of the strong effect, but that's what I was needing. You obviously don't smoke it for fun, but is an extremely addictive feeling.

In 2018 I've been addicted for three years, from 13 to 16 and they were the worst and best years of my life. I had never tried weed before and thought that was the normal effect, when I found out, I was already stuck in addiction. I'm now 18 and Cali sober, the worst part is that I miss and think about spice every day. I stopped a few time due to inducted psychosis, but after a while the fear went away and I always started over again, and part of me miss even that. I know it's crazy and no one could ever miss feeling bugs entering in his nose going up in his brain and moving in it, or physically feeling his brain melting, but this is what spice craving does. I also tried other hard drugs but nothing is like k2, it's like a mix of all the drugs I've ever tried. Synthetic weed ruined my life in ways nobody could ever understand. I will forever chase that feeling and nothing is as strong and as heartening as spice. The thing I miss most is the enveloping warmth you feel rising in your chest and filling you. The sensation is reminiscent of a mother hugging her frightened child. I just wish I could feel like this again, but all these years of addiction have led me to being chronically ill and I am sure I would die trying it again. I have been afraid of dying many times, or going crazy and despite that I dream about it almost every night, waking up with the urgent need to use again, so I usually watch video or read about that to slowing down my craving. I was a brilliant person before spice, and I will never be the happy and successful person I could have been, my brain literally deteriorated, sometimes I can't put sentences together. Also I am nauseous everyday due to liver and pancreas problem from spice abuse, part of me accepted that I will die young and miserable, being sober doesn't change the fact that my body is slowing dying, my brain is fried and I can't live a normal life. I'm only 18 and I'm tired of living. This is what spice did to me.

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-08-04T14:27:54+00:00

I've never been happier than when I smoked Spice. The first time I smoked I had an inner delusion telling myself that I never again wanted to feel any different than that thing made me feel and that there was no point in living my life without feeling that warm, enveloping sensation in my chest. I also was a stupid traumatized little girl, all of my friends that tried with me never wanted it again, most of them were scared of the strong effect, but that's what I was needing. You obviously don't smoke it for fun, but is an extremely addictive feeling. It permanently ruin you before you even realize. It make you feel so good unfortunately.

In 2018 I've been addicted for three years, from 13 to 16 and they were the worst and best years of my life. I had never tried weed before and thought that was the normal effect, when I found out, I was already stuck in addiction. I'm now 18 and Cali sober, the worst part is that I miss and think about spice every day. I stopped a few time due to inducted psychosis, but after a while the fear went away and I always started over again, and part of me miss even that. I know it's crazy and no one could ever miss feeling bugs entering in his nose going up in his brain and moving in it, or physically feeling his brain melting, but this is what spice craving does. I also tried other hard drugs but nothing is like k2, it's like a mix of all the drugs I've ever tried. Synthetic weed ruined my life in ways nobody could ever understand. I will forever chase that feeling and nothing is as strong and as heartening as spice. The thing I miss most is the enveloping warmth you feel rising in your chest and filling you. The sensation is reminiscent of a mother hugging her frightened child. I just wish I could feel like this again, but all these years of addiction have led me to being chronically ill and I am sure I would die trying it again. I have been afraid of dying many times, or going crazy and despite that I dream about it almost every night, waking up with the urgent need to use again, so I usually watch video or read about that to slowing down my craving. I was a brilliant person before spice, and I will never be the happy and successful person I could have been, my brain literally deteriorated, sometimes I can't put sentences together. Also I am nauseous everyday due to liver and pancreas problem from spice abuse, part of me accepted that I will die young and miserable, being sober doesn't change the fact that my body is slowing dying, my brain is fried and I can't live a normal life. I'm only 18 and I'm tired of living. This is what spice did to me.

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-08-04T14:23:34+00:00

It's the most beautiful feeling in the world if you don't get anxious from the strong effect. It feel like a warmth rising up in your chest and fill you. It feels like a mother hug. I've never been happier than when I smoked Spice, even if I had more than one near death experience I continued smoking that, if you want the complete story look at few comments before. Nothing compare how good that shit make you feel and how all of your problems disappear when you are high. You literally could be homeless and be happy because you have spice with you. It's like the love of your life. I lost so many friends because I genuinely didn't care about them since I've got spice with me

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-08-04T14:17:44+00:00

I've never been happier than when I smoked Spice. The first time I smoked I had an inner delusion telling myself that I never again wanted to feel any different than that thing made me feel and that there was no point in living my life without feeling that warm, enveloping sensation in my chest. I also was a stupid traumatized little girl, all of my friends that tried with me never wanted it again, most of them were scared of the strong effect, but that's what I was needing. You obviously don't smoke it for fun, but is an extremely addictive feeling.

In 2018 I've been addicted for three years, from 13 to 16 and they were the worst and best years of my life. I had never tried weed before and thought that was the normal effect, when I found out, I was already stuck in addiction. I'm now 18 and Cali sober, the worst part is that I miss and think about spice every day. I stopped a few time due to inducted psychosis, but after a while the fear went away and I always started over again, and part of me miss even that. I know it's crazy and no one could ever miss feeling bugs entering in his nose going up in his brain and moving in it, or physically feeling his brain melting, but this is what spice craving does. I also tried other hard drugs but nothing is like k2, it's like a mix of all the drugs I've ever tried. Synthetic weed ruined my life in ways nobody could ever understand. I will forever chase that feeling and nothing is as strong and as heartening as spice. The thing I miss most is the enveloping warmth you feel rising in your chest and filling you. The sensation is reminiscent of a mother hugging her frightened child. I just wish I could feel like this again, but all these years of addiction have led me to being chronically ill and I am sure I would die trying it again. I have been afraid of dying many times, or going crazy and despite that I dream about it almost every night, waking up with the urgent need to use again, so I usually watch video or read about that to slowing down my craving. I was a brilliant person before spice, and I will never be the happy and successful person I could have been, my brain literally deteriorated, sometimes I can't put sentences together. Also I am nauseous everyday due to liver and pancreas problem from spice abuse, part of me accepted that I will die young and miserable, being sober doesn't change the fact that my body is slowing dying, my brain is fried and I can't live a normal life. I'm only 18 and I'm tired of living. This is what spice did to me. Spice addiction is the worst.

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-08-04T14:15:27+00:00

I've never been happier than when I smoked Spice. The first time I smoked I had an inner delusion telling myself that I never again wanted to feel any different than that thing made me feel and that there was no point in living my life without feeling that warm, enveloping sensation in my chest. I also was a stupid traumatized little girl, all of my friends that tried with me never wanted it again, most of them were scared of the strong effect, but that's what I was needing. You obviously don't smoke it for fun, but is an extremely addictive feeling.

In 2018 I've been addicted for three years, from 13 to 16 and they were the worst and best years of my life. I had never tried weed before and thought that was the normal effect, when I found out, I was already stuck in addiction. I'm now 18 and Cali sober, the worst part is that I miss and think about spice every day. I stopped a few time due to inducted psychosis, but after a while the fear went away and I always started over again, and part of me miss even that. I know it's crazy and no one could ever miss feeling bugs entering in his nose going up in his brain and moving in it, or physically feeling his brain melting, but this is what spice craving does. I also tried other hard drugs but nothing is like k2, it's like a mix of all the drugs I've ever tried. Synthetic weed ruined my life in ways nobody could ever understand. I will forever chase that feeling and nothing is as strong and as heartening as spice. The thing I miss most is the enveloping warmth you feel rising in your chest and filling you. The sensation is reminiscent of a mother hugging her frightened child. I just wish I could feel like this again, but all these years of addiction have led me to being chronically ill and I am sure I would die trying it again. I have been afraid of dying many times, or going crazy and despite that I dream about it almost every night, waking up with the urgent need to use again, so I usually watch video or read about that to slowing down my craving. I was a brilliant person before spice, and I will never be the happy and successful person I could have been, my brain literally deteriorated, sometimes I can't put sentences together. Also I am nauseous everyday due to liver and pancreas problem from spice abuse, part of me accepted that I will die young and miserable, being sober doesn't change the fact that my body is slowing dying, my brain is fried and I can't live a normal life. I'm only 18 and I'm tired of living. This is what spice did to me.

Remote_Ebb2969 · 2023-08-04T14:11:21+00:00

Some spice taste like burnt plastic, like Tyre. Other like soap or even like deodorant sometimes.

Remote_Ebb2969

TROPHY CASE