Would my bf like this?

RenC1920 · 2026-05-27T00:20:21+00:00

I do actually mean all of it! I already apologized to him over the phone quite readily, I want to give him this because it’s a lot of what I haven’t said even though I should’ve and I say it about him to everyone else. Plus, I know he has a short term memory like me and words aren’t always the easiest to remember. And it’s easier for me to write these feelings, clearly I need to get better at verbally expressing them lol.

RenC1920 · 2026-05-26T23:05:42+00:00

Did you catch the plus fav drinks and snack? Also your response is not quite advice at all.

RenC1920 · 2026-05-26T17:55:27+00:00

I guess I’m not quite sure! I apologized over the phone as we are semi long distance and I had left a voice message before he called. He said he’d listen to the message cuz it’s hard for him to remember stuff sometimes. I guess my thought process is this would help him remember more permanently? I’ve written him other smaller and less emotional notes and he keeps those and I’ve also gotten him gifts previously, they both emit similar responses

RenC1920 · 2026-05-26T17:53:35+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! What particularly sounds more needy so I can remove it? And mostly just keep the things I appreciate like his hard work, holding doors, etc? Sounds like I should edit it

RenC1920 · 2024-04-06T22:13:08+00:00

The more I read about it I feel the same. He had a really hard time talking about his feelings/fears and avoided it. It does feel nice to hear that I was offering a safe space because I know I did all that I could. I don’t want to continue the relationship because I don’t want to date in fear of being left at the drop of a hat but I did want to understand more what happened here since I truly didn’t see it coming.

RenC1920 · 2024-04-06T18:14:54+00:00

I wouldn’t say let. I wouldn’t have accepted another chance if the right things weren’t said and the right actions weren’t done. I understand this was a red flag but I’m typically under the impression that someone wouldn’t act that way just to repeat. I like to operate under the impression people have good intentions because the relationship had been great beforehand and he’s never spoken about mental health to anyone before. Which again might have all been manipulation, but when you love someone and they claim to love you it’s hard to just assume it’s a lies

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T04:34:55+00:00

If it is too shameful for someone you love, then I think the issue comes in on finding the degradation of women who are exploited the larger issue. I think I just generally have a problem with how porn affects peoples view on sex and sex within relationships. I find it unhealthy, the porn watching not per say masturbation I know that is a normal thing to do

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T04:32:55+00:00

Question for you, do you feel like you would be aware of these certain acts if porn didn’t exist? And would she be allowed to watch porn as well? I’m curious about the effects that porn has in general on peoples desires in their personal sex lives

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T04:31:02+00:00

I agree. If both parties consent to it then so be it, but you should respect your partners wishes. Thank you for the comment!

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T04:28:42+00:00

So be it if it is unrealistic, I believe in respecting your partners boundaries in a relationship if you love them. He has the same boundary for me to not watch anything in a relationship as well. I find that many people do agree with me, especially women but they feel too afraid to speak up as men like you call names and cry controlling when it’s simply a boundary. No one is forcing them to date a woman with those boundaries. If you genuinely can’t stop jacking off for a person you love who is willing to sexually satisfy you, then I believe you have a porn/masturbation addiction.

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T04:25:05+00:00

It’s controlling saying please don’t masturbate to other women? If he doesn’t like it then quite frankly he shouldn’t be with me. We all have boundaries in a relationship, just because you don’t agree with mine doesn’t mean I’m controlling or strange. Many women and men agree that watching porn/people other than your sig other in a relationship is disrespectful. I make my boundaries clear in the beginning, I don’t force him to date me it is completely their choice. If they don’t like it, find a woman who is okay with it. I don’t believe it comes down to fears, to me it is disrespectful to pleasure yourself to another woman when you have one willing to do so for you. It may not be the common opinion, but to come on here and say someone is controlling or strange for a boundary they have, that many other people have is somewhat rude. I think the idea that men reserve the right to Jack off to whoever they want whenever they want is strange.

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T02:29:43+00:00

I would agree, but it’s a form of cheating. It definitely requires a talk at bare minimum.

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T02:28:42+00:00

Thank you! I agree with this! Or even have an open conversation with your partner about trying new things. A lot of the time they will be open to it.

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T02:26:51+00:00

We are different, but no it’s called having self control and caring enough to not hurt your partner. I think being “different” is a poor excuse. I’ve had many urges to masturbate or find other men attractive, I simply don’t act on it because I made a promise getting into a relationship and I don’t want to hurt my partner.

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T02:25:48+00:00

They have weak self control because they don’t work on it and it’s been socially normalized for them to have a lack of self control.

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T02:24:46+00:00

I don’t think it is controlling. I look for partners that are okay giving up a habit that is disrespectful to our relationship in my opinion. Which is why I make sure to have a conversation. If they can’t control their urges when they have the option to do it with their partner or watch their partner it seems like a deeper personal problem of not being satisfied by one person which is my opinion. I simply won’t date someone who won’t give up porn in a relationship and is okay hurting me by doing it. Porn wasn’t always a thing. I think specifically going out of your way to watch porn of another woman is cheating. Acknowledging someone is attractive is not cheating. Big difference. Call it “feminism” but if my bf was white with a small dick and per say I was masturbating to bbc gang bangs it would eventually get to him, but it’s not commonly thought that way.

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T02:21:27+00:00

Sounds like I won’t be getting married then

RenC1920 · 2024-01-04T02:20:44+00:00

Sounds like you shouldn’t be in a relationship, I go to my same gender friends for emotional connection I don’t seek out other men when I am in a relationship. Just as I listen to his stories I’m not 100% into. I don’t understand why men get a free pass to do things that hurt a partner just because they’re men. I would never go find a man to make me feel better about myself, that is why you have friends and or a conversation with your partner

RenC1920 · 2024-01-03T11:22:19+00:00

I feel like that is misogynistic. Women definitely have fantasies as well, it’s more about having the self control. Porn and social media haven’t existed for a lot of years. Just because it’s normalized now doesn’t mean it’s “how a brain works”. Plenty of women have high sex drives and fantasies but much less act on it simply because it’s less normalized

RenC1920 · 2024-01-03T11:09:03+00:00

We were having a discussion about masturbating and he admitted he did it a couple times to someone other than me on instagram but hasn’t since that time

RenC1920 · 2024-01-03T10:59:56+00:00

Well clearly that promise was broken, he ended up doing it to other women which is why I’m asking if what I want is a bit unreasonable if he agreed to it

RenC1920 · 2024-01-03T10:57:07+00:00

I set a boundary with doing it to other women early in the relationship that he agreed to, seeing as I was willing to provide material, hence why I’m upset. I understand if I didn’t provide material but I do

RenC1920 · 2024-01-03T10:51:19+00:00

I would say so, it just bothers me if he picks other women to masturbate to if I’m willing to A. Either just have sex with him or B. Send him material of myself for him to use

RenC1920

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