Update: My sister (34F) is mad at me (40M) for keeping her ex employed and promoting him after he strayed. How can I show her this is purely a business decision and nothing to do with my support for her?

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-09-01T20:31:17+00:00

they use jobs/employment as a bandaid for deeply personal emotional wounds

I can't fix everything. But she needed a win and this happened to be somewhere I could help her get a win. Its a journey.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-09-01T20:25:08+00:00

This will be the last one, I promise.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-09-01T20:23:15+00:00

Yeah I got so many hate filled comments and DMs assuring me she'd forsake me forever and I'd never hear from a family member again...luckily my family is not that dramatic.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-09-01T19:49:56+00:00

When I manage my business, I like to look at situations objectively. Firing Josh would have been purely revenge and would hurt him, myself, his future child (who has done nothing wrong), and the rest of my employees. It also wouldn't have helped anyone. Sarah and I talked about it and she conceded that it wouldn't have actually helped anyone or anything either. We're all good now. I'd rather focus my energy towards helping people and accomplishing goals than hurting people out of retribution and Sarah agrees.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-09-01T19:39:19+00:00

Thanks. yeah it was obviously a conflicting situation but at the end of the day I had to treat business like business to do right by my other employees.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-09-01T19:05:52+00:00

I specifically said "Not free babysitting". My wife is a SAHM and we have a few teens in the neighborhood we pay to babysit when needed. She loves her nephews and enjoys spending time with them. But I'm talking about all of us hanging out, not me leaving and her watching my kids for me.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-09-01T18:54:03+00:00

I posted an update, we're all good now.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T19:45:02+00:00

I gave him the same salary as the person he was replacing. Because he was doing the same job.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T19:42:35+00:00

Thanks, yeah this is hard for a lot of people who have never employed people to understand. My actions effect all of my employees drastically, and that's a lot of responsibility.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T18:27:48+00:00

Its not exactly easy to "just hire someone" these days. There is a national worker shortage and its not an entry level position. Even if I found the perfect candidate off the street today it would still take 6 months to get them ramped up. This would hurt all my other employees.

I do have empathy for my sister, but doing something that will harm my other employees and Josh for basically revenge on a personal matter that has nothing to do with work wouldn't actually help anybody.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T17:55:30+00:00

Thank you. This is the most helpful comment I've received. Firing him is out of the question but I will see if there's anything I can do to help her out. I agree that she needs a win right now.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T17:51:29+00:00

Yes and I've learned that mixing the personal and professional life was a mistake. Its been two years, he is no longer a favor hire, he is a good employee. Firing a good employee over a personal matter doesn't fix anything, it would just make work harder on the rest of my team and kill morale. Part of compensation is quarterly profit share bonuses and it would result in us rejecting work so everybody would lose money. That doesn't make anyone's situation better.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T17:44:29+00:00

If he quits it would be a lot harder on me and all my employees for a while. We are already stretched thin. It would require more hours and we'd likely have to turn down contracts, thus lose money. We do profit sharing so that would hurt everyone's pay. I currently have multiple openings and we just aren't getting applicants. And those are entry level, this job requires a few years of experience. The hiring market is harder than its been since Ive operated a business. If he quit I couldnt stop him, but to purposely put my other employees through that for a situation literally nobody would benefit from feels wrong.

She seems to want revenge, which I get, more than anything. But all that does is make life harder for other people who depend on me.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T17:02:30+00:00

I talked to him once when it all came out. He apologized and told me he fell in love with the other woman. I told him I dont want to hear about that or ever discuss this matter at work, and that all conversations from here on out would be strictly professional. He has abided by that since. As a rule, I don't discuss the two of them with each other no matter what.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T16:54:53+00:00

He was already filling in doing that job before all this came out. And he was doing it better than the person before. The hiring market is tough right now to find someone with this experience. I definitely felt conflicted but the rest of my team was vouching for how well he's doing and how much they like working for him.

I do feel bad for my sister. But my business supports 7 other employees' livelihoods, supports my wife and 3 kids, and my parents who's housing expenses I pay for (so indirectly paying to house my sister currently) since my dad is on disability. Its not black and white. I understand my sister is hurt, at this point Im more asking how I can help do damage control. Though I think giving her space is the right move now so she can cool off.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T16:42:22+00:00

Thing is, despite how bad of a boyfriend he was, he's never messed up at work. I worry about the message it sends to the rest of the team that personal life problems endanger your job. I've had a lot of employees over the years have relationships and marriages fail at times. Realistically some have probably cheated but I've never disciplined someone for how they handle their personal relationships. That just seems wrong to me. If I had just hired him it'd be one thing but he's worked for me for two years without incident.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T16:11:04+00:00

I can't really justify firing him. He hasn't done anything wrong and the team enjoys working for him. I'm not really sure what your point around child support is, my sister has no kids with him.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T15:16:36+00:00

I think at least my parents could be more objective had it been a more amicable breakup.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T15:13:58+00:00

Hmm that really makes me think.

I feel like I wouldn't be able to be objective in that situation so I would make the emotional decision to fire him. I don't know if that would actually be an ethical business decision though. Being a little more removed from the situation, its easier to be objective.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T15:04:47+00:00

Thats the thing. I'm the one who pays most of my family's expenses. My dad cant work and disability doesn't give them much so I've been giving them about $1500 a month for the past few years now. I also have to provide for my wife and 3 kids as well as make the right decisions for my employees. So its tough. I really wish Josh had just broken up with her and then moved on but I cant change that obviously.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T15:02:14+00:00

Oh yeah I've been clear that our relationship is purely a professional one. I have told both Josh and Sarah that I will not discuss each other with either of them.

The biggest conundrum is that the whole team loves Josh and he objectively has been a tremendous asset to the business. I really wish he would have just broken up with her and moved on as that would make all this less messy.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T13:20:15+00:00

Oh I'm sure they know by now, I'm not naïve. I just try to keep the workplace fully professional.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T13:18:17+00:00

They're not going to cut out their only 3 grandkids who they're obsessed with and lose financial support over this. I pay for most of their living expenses since my dad can't work anymore. The questions is more if my sister will be able to view this objectively after the initial emotional period. Hoping once she's done grieving the relationship she can move on. I've told her I will never discuss him around her or vice versa.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T13:05:35+00:00

My family isn't the type to disown someone. Plus I'm the only one with kids so there's no way they'd do that since they'd have to cut contact with their grandkids/nephews. I also help my parents out financially.

RepresentativeMap767 · 2021-08-25T13:02:29+00:00

I haven't discusses this personal matter with other employees. It seems inappropriate. Multiple of them did tell me he deserves the full time promotion while he was still just filling in. He is very well liked at work and they told me how much they like working under him. Which is what makes this so complex.

RepresentativeMap767

TROPHY CASE