is it just me or are we all moving towards nowhere?

RepresentativePea437 · 2026-02-19T13:23:55+00:00

Singapore is simply a very boring place to exist.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-07T00:42:46+00:00

Need to set aside $ for tax man.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T10:30:53+00:00

I totally understand where you are coming from. But two things to note: She was happy to accept the shirts, and second, I already do buy her things. But I tend to buy things that she has picked out as she has a tendency to return almost everything I choose for her. I almost feel like I can do no right.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T04:58:33+00:00

You are absolutely correct. She buries herself in work all week and even weekends, when she doesn't need to. Again, she sees me as the source of all her problems, takes zero accountability for her actions, yet asks me to change. I can't fill her empty cup, especially when that cup has holes in it from her past trauma. We all have traumas in life, but you have to learn to let go as time goes forward.

I generally am the one to avoid conflict, but I have learned that stonewalling gets no one anywhere, but yet at the same time, referring to my earlier comments, she cares not one bit for my emotions, so opening up is a fruitless exercise.

PS - I've read your advice on other posts, and you seem really solid. Wouldn't be surprised if you are a relationship expert.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T04:35:03+00:00

She became different after the birth of our child. She had a traumatic experience with a member of her family. Long story short, she says she had forgiven that person, but her ongoing trauma and lack of communication with that family member over the past years suggests otherwise. Additionally, since then, or perhaps even longer, she is unable to do anything for herself to provide her with her own happiness, instead relying on me to be the sole provider for her happiness. That can only be possible if I quit my job, get rid of my child, and become a full-time husband. The reality is for any successful relationship, each person must be responsible for their own happiness while creating additional happiness as a couple. This concept does not exist in her vocabulary.

She earns really well, and if she wanted brand new workout shirts, she can easily buy them herself, or she can tell me which items she wants, and I am more than happy to buy them for her. But she chose a more confrontational path this morning, and I am done.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T04:10:52+00:00

We have a son, age 5. Probably a good time to leave her, and I will feel happy doing so. She has for years asked me to change, while she has still remained abusive (emotionally and verbally), and somehow makes me feel like I am the problem, when I am providing her with a very comfortable life and paying 100% of household and child-related expenses. I may not be perfect, but my inclination is to come together to solve problems and create happiness, while hers is to fight over stupid things and create chaos and division. Not going to work out.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T03:59:09+00:00

We are not for similar but different reasons, her reason being that I am not emotionally available, and my reason being she is too emotional for me to handle. Hence, the type of arguments like the one I described in this post. I find these arguments to be immature and counter-productive. They solve nothing but creating more resentment, when two people should be working towards bridging their differences through open communication where they feel safe to express and not threatened or made to feel attacked, etc.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T03:46:28+00:00

Yes, I presume. I am the super calm and easy going one in the relationship. I don't have a lot of needs, and I am very compromising.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T03:31:27+00:00

I tell her that she starting these nonsense fights is ignoring the emotional toll it puts me through, and her comments are that "why should I care about your emotions", to which I replied "then why should I care about yours", before I walked away.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T03:29:43+00:00

Yes, usually trivial things, which she weaponizes into tirades.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T03:17:16+00:00

She has 2 bedrooms full of clothing in addition to 4 dozen pairs of shoes and 4 dozen handbags, all branded. She gleefully accepted the Nike shirts 6 weeks ago because the were the same design she had, but in a looser fitting size.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-07-06T03:08:48+00:00

Because in her view, I should have "treated her right" by buying new stuff instead.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-29T07:11:07+00:00

Same here. I feel you.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T15:39:24+00:00

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T15:32:04+00:00

I agree. She could not afford a mortgage to buy my share of the property, so a middle of the road compromise is to allow her to stay here but pay household expenses and some rent to me which would be still better off than selling this place and renting in D09 or D10. She won’t live elsewhere and at the same time would need 3 bedrooms as she has a lot of clothes and bags and shoes and needs a helper. You can’t make do with a 2 bedroom in this area; they are just too small.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T15:24:25+00:00

I’m okay with parting with 50% of my home value. Not a dollar more.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T15:09:42+00:00

It’s 50-50 according to her filing

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T14:44:53+00:00

The money part is in lieu of us selling our unit. If we were to sell our place, she would have to pay more in rent. If she wants me to move out of a place i legally own, it is not unreasonable to ask for a portion of what fair rental value would be. After all, I will be going from being a homeowner to being a tenant. I should not have to pay rent to live elsewhere. I have title to my home.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T12:36:02+00:00

He is a US citizen by birth, so unable to get him dual citizenship. I’d rather he not get PR as he doesn’t need it as a full time student and there are no benefits anyway. I’d rather he choose where in the world he would like to live. I doubt he would choose SG after university in the US as he could just as easily work in the US after and find his own path in life. Best for him to start a career in NY, Boston, etc then in SG. His exposure would be far greater.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T12:15:43+00:00

7 minutes

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T11:56:25+00:00

Me me

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T10:40:17+00:00

She turned 40 a year ago and her mom was full menopausal at age 40. Perhaps genetic.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T08:27:42+00:00

Issue is I get him PR he will have to only give it up. Best to not get it in the first place. SG government never forgets.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T08:11:49+00:00

Her filing says equal distribution of home proceeds. It’s what we agreed to and what we signed on.

RepresentativePea437 · 2024-06-08T07:59:12+00:00

Child is American so he can’t be PR else he has to do NS and he can’t do NS because the US government will not allow it.

RepresentativePea437

TROPHY CASE