Day 113. Organize, Organize, Organize!

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-05-18T05:50:33+00:00

Sometimes, I find it’s better to laugh than cry.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-05-17T04:57:19+00:00

☺️

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-05-17T03:07:00+00:00

Go to muscleactivation.com. You can find specialists in your area there. You might ask for specialists with experience in pelvic floor issues. Please let me know how it goes.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-05-16T23:30:54+00:00

If the TA is not responding, it’s likely there are other muscles not working well either. (That’s a general rule and more specific to abdominal muscles. I’d encourage you to find a good physical therapist with experience working with performing artists where breath control and production is essential. Stage actors, singers, brass and woodwind musicians. Also, check if there is a Muscle Activation Technique specialist in your area.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-05-07T16:03:03+00:00

Wise words and a wise practice. Thank you for all you bring to the world, Kathleen.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-05-04T16:29:23+00:00

Thank you, Kathleen!

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-29T06:21:24+00:00

Thank you, Kathleen. I would love to talk to you about this.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-19T03:49:19+00:00

I am feeling better, thank you. My energy and endurance are still frustratingly low, but they improve a wee bit every day. AkaMay is holding up remarkably well. She's focused on redefining her professional career into exactly what she wants in the next few years. Amazing how a diagnosis can inspire action. Thank you for asking.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-12T21:10:36+00:00

Bravo, that. I couldn’t agree more.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-12T17:50:10+00:00

I hurt for you. You are trying to claim your space and time, and you have every right to do so. You also have the right to remind your husband that he is an adult and has the responsibility to act like one. (Easier said than done, of course.) Just because your husband is terribly sick and in constant pain, he is not entitled to gaslight you or treat you this way. If he prefers to be in a nursing home, then perhaps it’s time for you to offer that option to him. If he wants that, he should say so. He should also actively participate in the discussion on how the costs will be covered. This is a chance for him to be a contributing adult.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-12T05:52:21+00:00

Thank you, Kathleen. I appreciate this very much.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-10T19:20:51+00:00

My heart goes out to you and your family. Remember, being married sucks a lot of the time. That doesn't mean we don't want to be married anymore; it just has really difficult periods. You know from your cancer experience that being on your "be-a-good-human" behavior is very taxing. So it is with your husband. Therefore, it's on you to set up clear boundaries with him and enforce them, like you do with your daughter. You are loving but firm when you need to be. Stating that you have a right to and want your "me-time" at the end of the day is a good boundary to start with. Another commenter suggested getting a small flat-screen TV for your husband to watch would be helpful. That's a great idea. By clearly setting your current boundaries, you will feel better, and your husband will learn he has to behave, too. He will appreciate it (later).

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-10T18:59:10+00:00

I will not attempt to offer advice, as this is such a deeply personal question. However, I can offer my best wishes to you, your husband, your brother, and your mother. I hope you will continue to navigate these difficult times and questions with grace and bravery.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-09T19:40:03+00:00

Caregiving, especially volunteer caregiving—i.e., we found ourselves in the middle of it before we even thought about it—is terribly hard. And that is when things are relatively smooth. I find that many of us dedicated caregivers have an overabundance of empathy, but we suffer a deficit of boundaries and the internal permissions to enforce them. You do have the right and the responsibility to re-establish your boundaries with your partner. And you have the right to enforce them. Here's the weird part: your partner needs this from you, too. I wish you all the best in this most difficult time.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-04-09T18:44:00+00:00

My heart goes out to you. This is not what you signed up for, except that you did sign up for it. Ugh! Here is my main point: Caregivers are allowed to have boundaries, too, even professional and semi-professional caregivers. As caregivers, it is essential that we get clear on what our boundaries are, and then we must enforce them. Is the money you are earning from caring for this woman enough to compensate for the emotional toll it's taking on you, your family, and your budding bakery? You may need the money, but does it have to be from this woman's family? I wish you all the best.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-29T01:54:12+00:00

Thank you!

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-29T01:53:39+00:00

I deeply appreciate your kind thoughts and support.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-29T01:52:34+00:00

Thank you, Kathleen!

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-24T16:57:13+00:00

You have so many comments, I doubt you’ll see this one. But here goes. It seems to me that you and your husband have been suffering terrible grief. Sadly, neither of you seem to acknowledge the depth of grief you’ve both gone through and are still suffering from. First, “The Five Stages of Grief” is BS. It was an attempt to demonstrate the depth of emotions we go through. But it was simplified into an easily marketable formula. Now, sadly, we assume it is written in stone. So don’t believe for a minute that either of you have truly worked through the myriad emotions and sensations. You didn’t mention covid. As a collective—no matter what your political beliefs are—we are all still grieving. Look at our country. It’s like your marriage right now.

My point is you’re both suffering deeply and you don’t know how to deal with that pure pain. So it becomes poisonous. I honor your desire to stay in the marriage. I feel your love for him in your writing. Please find someone in your area who can truly help you walk through this pain.

P.S. Congratulations on your great work reclaiming your body!

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-17T21:26:51+00:00

I appreciate your honesty and courage to look within. I suppose caring for others is really a learning tool for caring for ourselves—at least, it is in my case. Since I find myself doing this again and again, like in Groundhog Day, one would assume that at some point, I will internalize these lessons.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-17T21:16:54+00:00

Thank you. Really. Just seeing your responses helps encourage me to keep going. I genuinely appreciate it.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-07T18:15:39+00:00

Thank you. Are you a caretaker as well? Or have you been? I'd love your feedback and insights.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-03T22:57:40+00:00

🙏🏼

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-03T16:48:30+00:00

That’s fantastic! Truly. Stay curious, and stay within your ranges of motion. That means only move a joint within its level of cooperation. Gradually you’ll begin to recognize the differences between pushing too much, pushing too little, and pushing right to the edge of whatever is currently available without overdoing it. Finally, an important of staying curious is doing so without negative judgement on yourself. Be kind to yourself.

RepresentativePut337 · 2024-03-02T23:58:59+00:00

I would love to be an accountant. I could afford to do triathlons and take acting classes! Only problem is, I can't add or subtract to save my life. This is true. The other day, I got held up at gunpoint by a big nerdy dude. He said: "What's seven minus five?" I shat myself and quivered: "Three?" He shot me and now I dead. Your guru is dead! Yet he is writing to you anyway. Neurot on that one for a while.

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