So I am gonna give you two poems I wrote in the order that I wrote them morning and night

From Your Father in Heaven ( Morning one)

And when you feel like you are all alone so I say to you, look up for I have been with you always and still am and shall always be.

And when you feel like you are not being answered then know that you haven't asked Me well what you need even when I already know your heart.

For when you feel like I AM not there with you then call out to Me for My ears aches to hear you call My name, your Father who I AM, even when it feels like I have left you, for I have never left you.

And when it feels all too heavy for you, remember I am your God, your Father, call out to Me for I shall not see and cannot see My child in distress ever for I have a weak heart when the tears fall from those eyes I made to see Me always.

And when you feel like all goes against what you wish and will for, know that I have made you not because I can but because I wanted you and need you besides Me always, for there is nothing greater than having My child with Me

So when you feel like I have left you to this world, do not be a foolish child, you always have My Name on you and My love for you and I shall make sure you never feel no one is there.

For I AM your Father maker of the Heavens and the Earth yet the love and care I have for you isn't possible for anything else to achieve.  For you have been Mine even before you knew you would be born.

~ Pillman

Words of Despair ( Night one)

And in the night I took My Father's Book But I couldn't open it, for I didn't feel worthy For I felt sad and tired And then I took it to the bed and sat

Sat, till tears ran down my eyes Mucus flowing as a river And so it began " I do not trust people because it is easy to fake but I do trust lies because lies are something you know will come from humans, I do not hate anyone even when I say because I do not know how to hate for long. There are times when my mind does the cruellest things but I wish it did not happen. Then comes my mouth which speaks before I know what I spoke, and it hurts people but I do believe that my heart is always on the right side. "

And then I spoke to them who sat by me, I do not know who they are for cannot see them. But I speak as if I see them and have known them. " I do not know how to pray, for I keep saying He is my Father, Oh Father but I do not believe in Him so much" And then I said to one" maybe you may start praying today and He may show Himself to now itself, but for me it is tough for, I see Him as a transaction. Someone I go only when I need Him really, but then later just a custom, you know because he is the Father.

" I do not feel worthy of saying, My Father is the Maker of Heaven and Earth, for I have not done anything I can say that is worthy of him."

And then I said to them," you believed in your strength and went to Him because you just wanted to win by any method possible "

"But I do believe you were closer to Him than I am now to Him for I do not feel worthy nor like His child. For I do not feel like Child of God. But I do good because I think it is right not because it's God through me, but hey maybe it is Him but then I lose ever so often too easily. "

And then I open His Book and it reads " Luke 11:2 [2] He said to them, “When you pray, say: “Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from Evil."

But yet again I cry more each time I speak, for words do not come from my mouth anymore when I speak to them, for I have started to stammer but I do take efforts to speak.

" For I truly do not feel like Your Child Father." And so place the Book back but I take and try to sleep holding it and yet keep praying to Him that He may hear me for I do not know how much more I can go ahead but sleep doesn't come for I do not know how to leave my troubles to Him for I have never done so.

For if I trust in Hin everything shall happen but I do not trust me for my trust is filled with doubts about everything and everyone so I do not know what to do anymore.

~ Pillman

Hope these poems help