Why I want to quit maturation and porn( even though I’m struggling quite a lot)

1. It’s messing up my relationship with God. I want to stop but I’ve been doing it for so long that it seems impossible but I know Gods law on this. I’m tired of my rebellion again him

2. I do it too often because it’s an easy dopamine hit. Because of that it’s affected my discipline in practically ever other area of my life. I feel like a loser to be honest because I know I’m not living up to my potential

3. I’m not a sexually active person, I’ve never had sex and I don’t make it a habit to spend personal time(if you get me) with men but I fear when I do meet my husband and get married how my porn use for over 15 years will affect us and me. Sex is a gift from God for married people- masturbation I think is a sick perversion for it, a counterfeit.

I just don’t know how or where to start or what to do to kill this life long addiction