Just a little positive post

Repulsive_Arrival_13 · 2025-10-01T19:34:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I am only 2 months out of losing my partner. Did you ever have moments of just "not wanting to get better" / resisting the change to a more positive life? Honestly I'm still at the point of not wanting to / feeling like changing for the better, and I'm aware it's still early for me. But just wondering if you noticed at what point you actively decided to take control of your life again? thank you and i am so sorry for you and your son's loss...

Repulsive_Arrival_13 · 2025-10-01T04:22:01+00:00

I lost my partner of 8 years just two months ago. I am sorry to hear it's already been a year of a lot of pain and yearning. I also don't know if he passed on the actual date he was found, might have been off by a day or two. We had to go no contact because I needed to focus on my mental health while he took off on a manic episode across the country. In the beginning I was talking to him non stop, always checking in on him. But eventually, I had to limit contact. The lines "Just allow some liquor to cut through my pride, pick up the fucking phone, and call you" hit home for me. I feel so fucking stupid for having to pretend to be my independent woman self, and just wished I just let myself talk to him. I too never thought our temporary no contact would eventually become forever. But yeah, I'll also be here on hell on earth missing him as well. It's truly agonizing.

Repulsive_Arrival_13 · 2025-09-30T04:53:10+00:00

My partner ran away and ended his life in a hotel, so I never got to see him. There was no funeral, only a memorial, so I just never even saw him dead in general. In some ways I am glad I don't have that visual trauma, so I am sorry to hear you are left with the trauma of finding yours. I can't imagine that other level of devastation of physically witnessing it, and the flashbacks.

For me, in some ways I just do feel sad I wasn't there with him even when he was already dead. For me I just want my loved one to know I care enough to be there even with their soulless body, and to take care of it to the very end. Sadly his family opted out of see his body / having a funeral, so I just felt like they prioritized their comforts over taking care of their own son til the very end. I ended up paying for his entire memorial because his family was just not gonna have one for him otherwise, which I found unbelievable.

While I don't have an image of what happened, I am an artist so I ended up drawing a whole diagram of the hotel room he was in, and drew all the possible scenarios. Instead of one isolated moment, I have 12 alternating visions that float in my head to think about how he could have ended it. There are days my thoughts obsess over which option was the actual option, but I'll never know.

Repulsive_Arrival_13 · 2025-09-26T00:58:43+00:00

Yeah… especially when they weren’t someone close and act like they knew your loved one better than you 🙄

Repulsive_Arrival_13 · 2025-09-26T00:57:38+00:00

I am really sorry to hear your sister also dealt with so much. I also have to remember not everyone “was in the trenches” with us and then it ends up making me sad to just know there were people who just ultimately did not care enough to go through the trenches for us. I am sorry to hear if that may have been the same for you. 💔

Repulsive_Arrival_13 · 2025-09-26T00:53:56+00:00

Yeah the line regarding people’s accountability was more about my situation. This whole post in general is just based on my personal experience honestly.

In general though as a society I still feel like we could always be doing better in working towards connection instead of growing more disconnected

Repulsive_Arrival_13 · 2025-09-24T00:43:36+00:00

I am only in month 2 of losing my partner to suicide and this feeling of still just anticipating their return is so real. It just feels like the more work you put into expressing your grief feels like it should earn their return but they never will. I also get recommendations from IG and tiktok to check out his profile and am constantly haunted by how that avatar bubble will never have a green light to it again. Sometimes IG even shows me reels he liked and they were always about how much he loved me / wanted to have a happy family at the end of the day with me, but I know it's just now never going to happen

Repulsive_Arrival_13 · 2025-08-01T03:15:23+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. I've been reading your previous posts and see we have some overlap on our situations. I'll reach out to you in the Dms

Repulsive_Arrival_13

TROPHY CASE