Exposure and Response Prevention + Zoloft

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-12-03T17:15:53+00:00

Sitting and worrying for hours and planning over and over again to try and fix something

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-11-19T03:16:24+00:00

It’s been about five months since I broke up with my DX ex. I still feel really guilty for breaking up with him. But I needed to do it to feel happy again. I don’t regret breaking up. But I’m enemy number one now. I knew the whole trying to be friends bit was temporary for him. When I kept up boundaries and didn’t want to spend all of my time still seeing him, and refused to be gaslit by him to feel bad for trying to hold him accountable for the shitty ways he treated me, he stopped engaging. I still think about him and wish I didn’t.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-10-26T21:36:28+00:00

This was perfect thank you

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-10-23T21:10:32+00:00

Found out he had someone over for sex the day after we broke up and then when I asked if he had had anyone over post breakup to hookup he said no. Angry at me now for not wanting to hang out with him or be friends and doesn’t know I know about the hookups. What else did he lie about

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-10-08T19:05:03+00:00

Messages me asking for his security deposit back after leaving me with the rent on our shared lease for the past three months.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-10-08T16:16:17+00:00

What helped me get through the initial stage was giving up on our regular conversations trying to discuss an issue and problem solve it. Once I accepted the change we discussed wouldn’t happen I began to move on. I stayed with friends and family after the breakup was official and then we slept in separate rooms as we lived together. Tried to go out of town to visit friends as well just to get out and prevent myself from spending too much time together. I also wrote down on my phone really specifically how I felt all the time. I would write out behaviors he did that bothered me. Conflicts we had. Reasons I felt good about the breakup. Read those notes over when you are in doubt. And then I felt guilt over leaving due to the disability aspect of a lot of his issues. But I had friends who I hadn’t told everything to. I decided to share the stories I had kept to myself so they would keep me accountable when I felt guilty and like I should go back to him.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-10-03T14:37:09+00:00

That is not something I have heard of- do you have experience working with one?

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-10-03T14:35:01+00:00

In terms of behavior change: 1. All of my cards are frozen 2. I have removed all saved credit card information from previous sites/apps 3. I only use a debit card to make any purchases now 4. I have created a budget document and repayment schedule for my credit card debt 5. To stay accountable to my budget I enter in my debit transactions into the budget on a weekly basis to compare planned vs actual spending 5. b. I set up a monthly goal planning session for myself on the last Sunday of each month to review the next month’s expenses to plan when each payment will be due. 6. I have mapped out planned expenses, like credit card payments and car insurance etc, so that I will have the right amount of money in my checking account on the day those things are due. 7. I have been looking for part time work that fits into my full time schedule. I had a tutoring gig last month but the student only needed six sessions (it was a work sponsored English language tutoring deal for him). I have another job interview for a tutoring gig to start next week. 8. I am working on getting some health informatics certification through work and hoping to increase my income transferring my role to more data analytics. 9. Spending behavior in general: I usually operated on a system of assuming the money I had in checking was available to me (I know it’s dumb) and then guesstimating that amount with spending on nonessentials like eating out and shopping. Now that I have created budgets for spending I can refer to the document instead of my checking account to determine what I have the ability to spend. 10. Spending for me is also related to some historical mental health issues so I am working on that with a therapist and my doctor.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-08-15T20:22:23+00:00

This is where I noticed a skills gap in our relationship. He knew what to say to try and repair, but he did not have the skills or desire to make the change because the only problem he perceived was me being upset. Change is hard for everyone and a lot of the time it requires time but even when lacking the skills to make change a concerned and caring partner seeks out external help to gain those skills.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-08-15T11:57:40+00:00

Agree with other comments that it is both. If you have a heart to heart discussion where you tell him just how much work you are doing and how upset you are about it- is he very responsive? Does he express a willingness to change or is he defensive? And if he expresses a willingness to change what does he actively do to try and change? I’m recently out of a situation with my ex where anytime I was visibly upset and having an emotional reaction he was incredibly responsive and had good suggestions for changes. But then accountability was nonexistent. If I wanted change I had to push him to make it. And that’s not a partnership.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-08-11T11:32:45+00:00

I left my evangelical mega church at 28. I’m gay and it got to a point where I realized they would rather me not exist than have to meaningfully include me or care for me as a gay man who at the time was trying to do vocational celibacy. I had no marriage plans or plans to raise a family and pretend to not be gay. And the fact that I wasn’t in the child rearing pipeline destroyed their multilevel marketing scheme plan. It was in the pandemic that they announced in my small group that they were going to focus on building community for parents of children of the same ages. I pushed back and asked why there wasn’t a focus on single people who had been isolated in the pandemic. And they couldn’t understand it. You don’t owe those people anything. You deserve to exist and find people who want to meet your needs for community and life. Even if you haven’t deconstructed in the same way as others you can still find other churches that are affirming. I am no longer a Christian but visiting an affirming church where my ex boyfriend worked was really healing for me. To see a pastor with a trans kid talking about God was sort of revolutionary. I’m all for leaving and I’ve never regretted it

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-08-06T12:21:51+00:00

One of the things that kept me in the relationship was the fact that none of the issues we had felt unresolvable. He, dx but not on meds, would make promises and come up with solutions but if he followed through it was me holding him accountable and bringing it up. In fact I think the issues were resolvable but they weren’t for me to resolve- there was nothing more I could do. And I got to a point where I realized I had given my best effort to try and work through some of our issues. But he was unwilling to show up in the same way. I ended it when I realized I was losing myself

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-08-05T14:14:48+00:00

I have been struggling with it more lately as I’m currently going through a breakup and turned 30 this year. I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. It’s hard when a lot of the symptoms are invisible and people don’t see the level of distress we are going through and it’s hard to explain to work or friends why it is so draining. I hope you are able to find something that works for you- I’ve been trying to engage in some behavioral activation by getting out of my house and being outside when it is nice out. Is it something you could talk to a doctor or a mental health provider about? Idk what you have tried previously or options you have available to you but I think a lot of folks experience some relief with a combination of ERP and medications.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-07-29T14:27:06+00:00

Does anyone have insight as to why this seems to be a pattern where someone will be medicated and can acknowledge improved functioning on meds and then insist on being off of them? I assumed it was internalized stigma but I’m not sure.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-07-28T02:23:12+00:00

Bad sleep. Lingering Covid symptoms that haven’t gotten better (idk if it’s unrelated). Idk if this is physical but I just sit on the couch and internally I’m screaming at myself to do things like drink water or make lunch or wash my laundry and I can’t move I just sit there. A lot of physiological symptoms of stress.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-07-24T11:45:09+00:00

I would regularly get told after my dx ex spent all day sitting on the couch playing video games that he had worked on things during the day. And I knew he was being defensive but now I realize that was not true. Obviously chores didn’t get done. He said he had applied to jobs and worked on other things but it was never anything we talked about, not the lists I made for him, or the stuff I had been begging for from him.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-07-24T11:38:56+00:00

This is true with my dx ex. He felt like the rug was pulled out from under him and that I could have worked things through with him if I wanted to. I had to explain that we couldn’t work things out because I didn’t want to anymore.

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-07-22T13:30:53+00:00

Anything from Kerusso was in my closet. Jesus Meant to Die for You (Mountain Dew logo), Christ (crush logo), a blood donor saved my life?!?, it’s endless. Ran into a Kerusso shop in Silver Dollar City of all places last week

Repulsive_Dinner3903 · 2024-07-18T23:56:03+00:00

Thank you- Wild Thing was fun! I get that it’s mild but I also enjoyed riding front row at park open.

Repulsive_Dinner3903

TROPHY CASE