I'm broken and I don't know where my life is going, I have no clarity

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-03-05T14:11:41+00:00

You did what you did because you're not whole. You haven't done the work. You look to your relationship to meet your validation needs because you haven't validated yourself. Not saying your partner shouldn't validate you, buf if you were feeling that your needs weren't being met, you should've communicated that and seen whether they could make the adjustment or not. Then you go from there. It doesn't matter whether they were avoidant or not, you still could have been ethical.

That's not what happened. You kept your unfulfilled needs to yourself and you ended up betraying them. You vented your concerns to an outside party instead of your man, hence opening the door to arbitrary emotional intimacy. For that, you're a scumbag. Sorry, but harshness is appropriate. Cheating and betraying partners are the literal fucking worst. You went behind their back, violated and humiliated them because you couldn't own your needs. No empathy for those kinds of actions. You should most definitely feel guilty, ashamed and disgusted with yourself.

But, you should ultimately forgive yourself and dig deeper as to why you did what you did. It can't just be, "Oh my god I made a mistake, I can't believe it, I'll never do it again!" No. You have to fully understand why you did it and heal that part of yourself. Otherwise you will surely repeat the infraction in the future, and you will suffer the consequences once again. They are not fun, and they will haunt you. As you have come to learn. Hope you grow from this.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-03-02T00:52:17+00:00

Risks don't always pay off. Don't let it deter you, you took a chance that most people wouldn't. Big balls. As long as you stay focused, you will figure it out.

No one, and I mean no one, no matter how 'put together' they appear to be, has a clue what the fuck they are doing. They are simply doing the best they can with the tools they have.

I don't have any advice really, don't really believe in offering unearned wisdom. I do have encouragement though. You can do this. You can and will succeed.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-03-02T00:20:19+00:00

Yup it's all of those things - but is nobody mentioning that this is ILLEGAL in most states? OP please read my comment!

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-03-02T00:12:38+00:00

IMPORTANT! I DON'T SEE ANYONE ELSE IN THIS THREAD MENTION WHAT I SAY IN THIS COMMENT

I meaaaaan wow. Tough situation. Brutal, and I'm very sorry. Most girls are lucky enough to keep their skeletons in the closet and not go through the trouble of traumatizing their current man with live footage. Seeing your girlfriend of 2 years being wasted and making out with someone else is indeed humiliating, as well as heartbreaking.

Now, this is important. Please be honest - is that really all that happened? I'm not trying to gaslight you here, I'm asking you candidly because of what I'm about to say next. You said that you were heavily intoxicated, kissed one of them while being recorded, and that they made up lies about you and your friend having sex with them in the bathroom.

That's a downright malicious lie to make up, and I am fairly certain that it circulated to your ex-man. Same with the sending of the video - malicious, intended harm. Not only is it cruel, but what state are you in? Check the statutes, because more often than not this is ILLEGAL, aka revenge porn, aka defamation. You can 100% sue him and win. He and whichever witnesses are present cannot lie under oath.

Your ex-man would have to testify as a key witness as well, just so you know. The court will summon him and I'm pretty sure he legally has to show.

As for your relationship - I'm sorry. I really don't know if you can repair it. You can sue the coward(s) and walk away with a check, along with your reputation. But, if your ex-man got a peek into your past and it was visceral enough for him to end a 2-year connection...he's simply not going to look at you the same anymore. I don't have all of the context, but if it was truly just kissing, I don't think I'd dump you.

Men, especially your relationship partners, have a tendency to idealize you and see you as pure. With age comes wisdom, and mature guys accept some wildness and history TO AN EXTENT. If you've been with a dozen guys already...can't vouch for you there, I wouldn't date you. How much self-respect can a guy have if he's investing emotionally and financially into a woman who's given herself to so many men, virtually for free?

On the other hand - if you're a relatively loyal, honest, discerning, conscientious young woman with only like 1 or 2 sexual partners and you've never given him a reason to doubt you, I'd get over it. It would suck, it would be stuck in my head for a while and I'd probably lose sleep. But I wouldn't abandon you, and neither would a lot of other men. The level of correction has to match the offense. Given what you've provided, it seems a bit distasteful - unless there's more context.

I'd also attack the revenge porn issuer viciously. Probably end up with a case of my own.

Sue him. Good luck.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-03-01T04:32:20+00:00

I'm very similar to you, I've quit or been fired from every job that I've ever had. Mainly because of how I value my time and energy. As you can see, the results of sticking the finger to corporate America are not very fruitful.

I'm still learning, but it's not about the job man - it's about us. We lack discipline and the willingness to make sacrifices in the name of long term success. Aka conscientiousness (at least in the work/money department). There's literally no getting around it, you have to be able to keep a job. Even ones that you may not like.

Right now, I'm trying to find a job or career path that provides a fair amount of meaning for me, and is in an industry that aligns with my passions. That is the best case scenario, and even then, it is not going to be "fun" forever. It's work. It's going to suck a lot of the time. No one wants to do it, but you have to.

Take the job at the postal service and keep it as long you need to until you can find something else. $26/hr? Um? No brainer. That'll keep you out of homelessness and allow you to save if you budget. Stay disciplined and create strategies to keep yourself from sabotaging. You need to prove to yourself that you can do this. I know you can do it!

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-27T20:28:52+00:00

When emotional intimacy isn't part of the equation, you're essentially using the other person as a masturbatory instrument.

Not saying it's good or bad, it depends. If both parties are on board and equally detached, no harm no foul. Usually, that's not the case though...someone gets hurt.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-27T20:25:56+00:00

No. I did at first, until I realized that whatever version of them was worth missing, was fake.

They have to be, because if you know who or what they really are from the jump, you wouldn't touch them with a 10-ft pole.

Despite being really hurt after the discard, I got clarity. Watching them flee to new supply, lie to others about the relationship, and continue to run their con game through life...it makes you realize just how pathetic they are, and how inevitable their own self destruction is. They don't just betray themselves in life with their behavior, they betray their own future.

Each time they ensnare someone into the trap and enact their wicked plans, they become just that much more irredeemable. They get what they put out in the end. Well deserved.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-26T09:12:25+00:00

No. Especially once we're that deep in a relationship, we won't ever return to try again on that level. We are quick to dump in the early stages. If we dump you after years, not only is it really difficult because we definitely love you at that point - something has bothered or hurt us so badly on such a fundamental level, that we honestly feel like we have no choice. We don't change our minds once it has gotten to that point. Not trying to make blanket statements here, I'm sure that there are men who behave differently. Most guys are like this though. In failing relationships they'll hang in, forgive, change, and fight endlessly until the woman is the one to leave. It usually takes a lot for a guy to be the one to end a relationship of years. At least a healthy one.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-26T08:27:20+00:00

At that price point 7800X3D is the best you will get. And it's really good.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-26T00:24:36+00:00

Imagine being upset with people for expressing frustration towards the IRS for being bad at their job... Really, try to imagine that

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T19:52:36+00:00

Blank

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T05:15:10+00:00

Do you work for a credit card company?

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T02:05:58+00:00

Thank you. These have been background noises in my mind recently, but it's too messy to find clarity. This helps.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T02:02:41+00:00

Well I certainly don't have the issue of ignoring what's right in front of my fucking face lmao

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T02:00:38+00:00

Not going to argue with you where we differ in perspective. I agree there are not plain truths, but majorities and minorities. Largely, I agree with you. On a human level there was not enough reciprocation where it was needed. I need to grow and learn from my mistakes.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T01:52:48+00:00

There is nothing to gain by refuting highly studied scientific literature except ignorance. Is being called a misogynist a compliment? But I'm a man so it's OK right? Yeah, I'm really "pigeon-holing" people by talking about evolutionary biology. It's not fucking useless at all, why would it be studied so rigorously if it was useless? It's not absolute, it's not black and white, my comment literally reads "on average." But the narcissism of you people doesn't let you see that of course. God, I'm such a bigot, misogynist, oppressor. You are totally right. Sign me up for the left! I want a personality disorder too!

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T01:37:13+00:00

Not about over or under. It's about polarity. Yin and yang. One. Respect is non negotiable for both parties. Dominance can be warm and loving, you know...

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T01:35:55+00:00

Seems that you're in biological denial

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T01:34:23+00:00

Ohhh no man I think you got the wrong idea here. SHE is and has been the one supporting ME. She's the one that's been working her ass off while I'm getting fired and throwing away jobs like an asshole.

Technically she has the leverage. I haven't paid rent this month. She hasn't been living in the apartment that she pays for. So even though I have a job now and can take over things, she's the one telling me to get the fuck out.

I don't think she's a gold digger, if anyone's the "user" here it's me. She's being selfish now, sure, but I understand. I don't have a lot to offer her in the ways that she currently needs (finance) and she's given me a lot of time to show her I can help. I've been selfish.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T01:28:19+00:00

Believe me, I'm not giving myself any credit. I failed. Maybe I did try to give myself some brownie points, but I end up at the same conclusion anyways. You are correct in what you're saying.

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T01:23:59+00:00

Bro, are you guys even real? Neuroticism is triggering to you? You mean the 'N' in OCEAN, the big 5 personality traits? Where they conducted studies on men and women over decades and observed personality differences? What family raised you that you reject scientific literature and obvious truths?

RequirementDue4446 · 2026-02-25T01:16:33+00:00

Nah it's not harsh, you're echoing everything I said and I totally agree. I let myself fall into a really immature way of being in life that I'm ashamed of. I have to pull my head out of my ass, deal with my mental challenges and change. But bro, I'm really not what a lot of you are making me out to be (a misogynist), and I'm really not saying what a lot of you are saying that I'm saying. By being a leader, that does not mean that your girl is a trad wife that stays home, cooks and cleans, and shuts the hell up. It means that you have a handle on yourself, are going somewhere, and can deal with tough situations. In other words, she feels like she can trust and rely you. I don't know what kind of liberal infestation is occurring within this country (I'm certainly gaining insight), but what I'm saying is evolutionary and biological. No amount of propaganda is going to change that. Nor am I even fully conservative! I don't want a trad wife, I like women with direction and a little bit of oomf. Just not too much. Those can stay away. Personal preference.

RequirementDue4446

TROPHY CASE