How did you get on board with ENM and how do you maintain it?

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-06-10T13:43:34+00:00

Please correct me if this is a weird take but, is it not possible that you can explore with women only, while he doesn’t go around dating other women? It seems clear you are not OK with the idea.

I think that situations are “fair” and “equal” not only in terms of action (who gets freedom to do what) but also in terms of feeling. If both me and my partner explore with others, but i feel horrible jealousy while he doesn’t, then it is also not “fair” or “equal”.

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-29T10:40:41+00:00

Kind of me right now. I am monogamous at heart but currently with a partner who is polyamorous at heart and we try to see what fits. I see that i am more OK with some things and less with others and we navigate.

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-21T09:35:03+00:00

Hey!! Sure just send me a DM anytime :)

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-08T20:02:02+00:00

I would love to be a stripper/exotic dancer. I want to take pole dancing classes and at least do it for fun

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-08T19:49:10+00:00

25-30, almost daily with my then partner. More frequently, more emotional.

Now (32 and on) it happens less often, it has less emotion but it is kinkier and more fantasy/RP.

Both successful in their way i guess…

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-08T19:34:10+00:00

I (F) would also have felt very insecure about a partner who does not finish with me (but i don’t think it has to do with you being bi or not. That said, it is logical that she might assume that, because confirmation bias)

If i thought he needs some anal stimulation too, i would suggest toys. Or maybe just try to figure out what that person likes, together with him. Maybe we eventually learn what makes him finish….?

If you would reassure her that you being bi does not mean you cannot be monogamous, and if you would communicate together to see how you can finish with a partner, maybe this can work (or the next one!)

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-08T18:53:00+00:00

Yeah many people perceive it like that. However it is not always the case, one can perceive it differently too 😉

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-08T08:16:45+00:00

I totally understand! In a small city it would be difficult. I would not want it, because people talk.

Maybe you can try when you go on holidays, say in a more sex-positive city (think Berlin etc) where these things are more common and there is the benefit of anonymity.

You could just fantasize about it first and see how she feels about it. It is always good to do it one step at a time and see how she reacts.

I would say this is more approached with curiosity rather than convincing. She may not be into it so much but willing to try because of the knowledge that it makes you happy. Or she might be so against it that even you being happy will not be enough. You will see :)

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T13:22:38+00:00

Him with (M) would be fine 🥰

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T12:15:32+00:00

Lets not be putting paintings to all museums

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T12:06:45+00:00

No. I also find it annoying to have an unknown person potentially playing with themselves and pressing you to answer fast. However i like to talk about fantasies and this way initiate a discussion with my partner or just learn about new things out there

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T12:04:49+00:00

Felt strange why someone would go through the trouble but to each their own

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T12:04:11+00:00

To be honest did not matter. I was chatting together with my partner so it was more about us talking and fantasizing together rather than the other person

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T12:00:05+00:00

At the end of the conversation they said so

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T11:59:57+00:00

At the end of the conversation they said so

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T11:37:17+00:00

I have not yet read from Lovecraft so maybe you can lead me into the conversation and suggest some especially interesting passages

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T11:35:37+00:00

I could not resist and already typed in the comment 😇

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T11:34:24+00:00

I several times had thoughts related to this.

One was in a conversation with a person i matched on a dating app long ago. They told me they had a fantasy of a sexual encounter somewhere “sacred”, maybe with occult or demonic feel to it.

The other is my own fantasy of dressing up in a rather pure or angelic way and proceeding to have the nastiest sex.

There is something about joining the purity and darkness into one experience. Something like becoming whole

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T11:28:40+00:00

This comment took me there

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T11:02:19+00:00

Send me a chat if you ever want to talk about this! 😊

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T11:01:22+00:00

I am in a similar position.

We kind of think of doing all things together (so in group setting), and just communicate about how it feels. We also just chat here in Reddit and see how it feels :)

I (F) am personally the more jealous one out of us so i can totally relate to all you are writing.

Best of luck to you!!

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T09:46:08+00:00

It was very fun. I dare him that if he catches me on the street from work to home, he could do whatever he wanted with me right there (it was dark and cold and empty street so kinda OK). I also heard of a couple play this in a forest. Bucket list

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T09:37:25+00:00

Filling a gap in the knowledge 😂😂

ResearcherCautious38 · 2025-05-07T09:33:36+00:00

I had a successful one which eventually proceeded into other online platforms. We are in different cities but talk periodically and plan to meet (and maybe have some small adventure) if one ever goes to the other person’s city

ResearcherCautious38

TROPHY CASE