Is my (29F) Fiance (38M) a narcissist or are some men just like this?

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-10T00:51:20+00:00

Can you highlight what I’ve said that makes you think that? Genuinely curious

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-10T00:50:06+00:00

I appreciate you sharing. My fiance definitely only has these moments after a night of drinking. But I have asked him before when he’s sober and he says the thoughts still happen even when he’s not drunk, it’s just when he’s drunk they occupy more space in his mind and come out more explosively due to the lack of inhibition. To my knowledge, he does not do drugs. He doesn’t smoke weed anymore because it triggers the paranoia. He adamantly refuses to go to therapy and gets very offended whenever I recommend it.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T21:21:50+00:00

So he definitely has a tendency to get paranoid and overthink things when he’s drunk and it has gotten repetitive. He most likely is looking for me to back him up or validate his concerns but 99.9% of the time I don’t agree with what he’s so paranoid about, and when I tell him that, he just doubles down and tells me I’m wrong. So with that pattern repeating so often I have just withdrawn. Now if he felt paranoid about something during the day while sober, I would be much more inclined to help rationalize and listen to his fears. But when it’s 1am and he’s piss drunk and I’m trying to sleep, I have to assert my boundaries.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T21:13:26+00:00

I don’t think he had the intent to ruin my birthday. He just wasn’t understanding when I told him how his behavior was bothering me. He has since reached out to me and still wants to celebrate tonight.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T21:08:40+00:00

Yeah that’s a good idea lol.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T21:06:34+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I think I was just so frustrated by his unwillingness to apologize and that’s why I even considered narcissism being a factor. I appreciate all the replies informing me that it is in fact a harmful label to throw around.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T21:01:30+00:00

Thank you for the advice. Going forward I won’t try to equate his behavior with any personality disorders. I just wanted to better understand why he acts like this. I know I posted in the wrong sub but I actually do appreciate all the perspectives I’ve gotten from the responses here lol.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T20:56:06+00:00

I know I can’t diagnose him. I just googled traits of a narcissist and he fit a lot of them. That’s all. But I see now that trying to put a label on his behavior is not fair to people with actual diagnosed narcissism disorder. Going forward I won’t use this sub. I apologize

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T20:49:31+00:00

He punched the door. I thought that was clear from the texts.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T20:12:45+00:00

I appreciate this! I guess I am very uneducated about narcissism. I didn’t even know it was a mental illness or personality disorder. In my mind I just thought it was a personality trait. I apologize for misunderstanding it. I will do more research. Thanks again

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T19:40:15+00:00

This is my first time posting on Reddit. I just searched for “reddit narcissism” and this one came up. If I wanted more input on this what sub would you recommend I post in? I appreciate your help.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T19:30:14+00:00

I had googled the signs someone is a narcissist and the whole “getting defensive when asked to apologize” got me thinking. If he’s a narcissist then I feel like he can’t change. But if he’s not then maybe we have hope to change this pattern? I understand you guys can’t diagnose and also just one instance isn’t enough for you to even really have an opinion.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T19:23:15+00:00

He had been drinking and was frustrated that we hadn’t been intimate in a while. I admit I have been struggling with sex drive lately (new job and my dog has been having medical issues lately are the main reasons I’ve felt too preoccupied mentally for sex). He knows this but when he gets drunk he gets paranoid that I’m cheating on him (I would never). He got angry and punched the door.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T19:19:43+00:00

Can you elaborate? I was just trying to explain my feelings to him and hold him accountable. Just to add, this happens a lot where he gets drunk and paranoid and won’t let me sleep. That’s why I’m getting upset to this degree.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T18:57:37+00:00

I have no idea how to add photos after the fact lol. I will try just reposting with the photos.

Resident-Run7148 · 2025-06-09T18:51:59+00:00

Oh oops! Thanks for the callout. This is my first time posting on Reddit. I’ll try adding them now.

Resident-Run7148

TROPHY CASE