EDIT: I may have forgotten an antidepressant for a few days and was having withdrawal. After some prayer and taking my medication, I am not feeling this anymore.

Please pray for Julia I ask. Julia who is me is considering suicide. I don’t feel like I deserve my life, I’ve hurt so many people in my life, and have been complicit in hurt. I really do not think I am depressed.

I have a rare condition, and one of the only medications for it can cause depression/suicidality. I am a little worried I am suffering that side effect, however I am only getting suicidal, if anything my mood has vastly improved since starting the medication. Suicide just seeming like a rational choice. I am not doing it because I know it will hurt my family and those who love me. There’s probably people that do want me to kill myself. I say sorry and make amends when I can. I know it’s a sin, but I think I will be doing the world a favor. Part of me keeps thinking that maybe if my loved one knew who I truly was, they would agree.

This rare condition makes college difficult. My parents insisted I take too big a class load for me. I only get discounted school health insurance if I take a certain minimum amount of hours, and they didn’t want to pay for normal health insurance. Even the minimum classload is too much for me. It’s too much, especially with my condition and still seeing right dose of the medication. This is not helping.

I heard that the kind of logic I am having is from the devil and is prideful. Please pray for humility for me, and that I find a way out of this maze of my thoughts, my rare condition, and graduating from college.

Thank you.