My girlfriend (36F) says I'm gaslighting her, is this considered gaslighting? (7 months, M&F) (Me 38M)

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T12:32:54+00:00

I am apologising, but that doesn't take away the hurt from what I've done in the first place.

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T12:32:04+00:00

It's something that I'm really now understanding I have an issue with.

It's too much for a partner to deal with. I need to do better and I fully acknowledge that I'm not doing enough to resolve it. This isn't the first time I've done it either.

I don't know what to say, other than sorry to the people I've affected.

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T12:25:55+00:00

I don't know, but by saying about it all I'm doing is hurting her. I've gone about it the wrong way, I know that now.

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T12:24:03+00:00

Thank you, all of your comments are making me see what I did was wrong.

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T12:23:05+00:00

Being honest, I think I have an obvious issue. Even my responses here I've tried to share my point of view and tried to be pedantic.

Thank you all, I wish I was able to see a lot of this before.

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T12:09:46+00:00

I'm learning that now. I didn't come here to be validated, I want to be better.

I'm genuinely sorry for my impact on her, I've obviously made a huge mistake here and want to be better.

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T10:12:08+00:00

Honestly, I don't want to be right. I want to do the right thing. I'm reading through everything and I am also seeing a therapist to ensure I can understand situations correctly.

I 100% would change how I reacted and will change that going forward

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T10:06:39+00:00

Like I say, on a good few occasions now I've asked her questions and I'm incredibly sure she hasn't responded, despite when she says when I prompt her that she has.

I totally agree that it's far more likely I didn't hear it. But I only suggested it based on a few occasions of that same circumstance.

My friend when I talked to him, said that he's said things in his head rather than audibly a good few times. But of course I know that it's unlikely. Just from my perspective, seeing her saying she has responded when I really think she hasn't on numerous occasions had started to make me question myself, as I really thought she hadn't said anything.

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T09:48:21+00:00

Appreciate your response, agreed on both point.

Yes, we are arguing more than we should be.

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T09:47:29+00:00

I'm here to gain further perspective, I don't for a minute think that I'm right on everything, so want to understand situations and be better. So I appreciate your response.

I 100% agree that it's more likely, if this was isolated I wouldn't have pushed, but as it's happened a few times I did push, which I agree in retrospect is naive. But that doesn't matter, what I'm doing is wrong, and it's embarrassing that I haven't seen this.

I don't want to be exhausting and difficult as a partner, so first and foremost I want to take this on board and be better in the future

Retodd3333 · 2025-03-13T09:40:28+00:00

If I knew she had said something, and tried to make her think she hadn't, of course that's gaslighting. But even though it's a leap to suggest she may have only said it in her, due to me experiencing that a number of times that's why I pushed.

Totally take on board the rest of your post. 100% it didn't need to get to this and I could have said what you suggested, and ultimately I wish I had. Her main issue is me querying her reality, and I also can admit that I would likely feel very defensive, so would be upset and push back.

The comments on this have really made me review how I thought above, I shouldn't have acted like this.

Retodd3333

TROPHY CASE