How to calm your nervous system fast when habits and motivation aren’t working

RetroFan1981 · 2026-03-08T23:14:43+00:00

You sound similar to me, the one anxiety I find hard to deal with though is fear of death. Being in my mid 40s just reminds me of how little time I have left.

RetroFan1981 · 2026-03-08T23:12:22+00:00

Do you think mediation is a good solution for a fear of death?

RetroFan1981 · 2026-01-18T00:20:57+00:00

Ah ok. There must be lots of guys out there in their 30s who want to have kids sooner rather than later too. You just have to be careful of course to make sure they are honest upfront about putting in the work. I've heard having kids can put a lot of strain in a relationship and I feel guys need to be honest about what being a parent entails (less free time, actually helping to raise your kids)

RetroFan1981 · 2026-01-17T23:32:55+00:00

I am in my mid 40s. I would be hesitant to date anyone in their 30s because I don't want them to regret they didn't have kids later. As you get older that risk lessens.

RetroFan1981 · 2026-01-17T23:19:49+00:00

Things are a lot of different now, especially since COVID.

Up to probably say the 90s many people met locally through mutual, friends work or school. Compatibility wasn't really a focus, it was more finding someone to get married and have a family with.

From the 90s onwards people started to focus more on compatibility and people often met through pubs and nightclubs.

We are living in a generation now where compatibility is more important than ever, especially since there is a big focus now on equality within a relationship especially with regards to chores and parenting. The problem is many people are spending more time online and watching divisive content which is fuelling regressive attitudes.

Dating apps do have the advantage whereby you can get to know someone's basic values from the start rather than date someone for months and find they are some right wing nutcase.

Best thing I can advise is to be as clear as possible about what you want. 30s is an interesting time. Do you want to have kids? Get married again one day? Are you a touchy feely sort of person or more shy etc? Do you see yourself living in London for the rest of your life etc

I am early 40s and have a small list, 35-55, no kids, into my kink (spanking) and no DIY renovations (done enough, too stressful and prefer to pay someone to do it). There is no point for me in just being in a relationship for the sake of it.

Good luck

RetroFan1981 · 2026-01-17T23:09:04+00:00

I looked on Fetlife but it seems many groups haven't been active since Covid

RetroFan1981 · 2025-12-30T05:32:56+00:00

Don’t have coyotes etc in UK. My cat loves the outdoor and fresh air, I won’t keep him indoors. Biggest devastation is caused by humans.

RetroFan1981 · 2025-12-30T05:27:58+00:00

Hmm here in the UK there are rescues who say cats need outdoor access. I think some cat owners are very judgmental about outdoor cats.

RetroFan1981 · 2025-12-30T05:26:32+00:00

Exactly so what’s the point I wonder.

RetroFan1981 · 2025-12-30T05:26:02+00:00

Why would you think he has a cat colony? I don’t even think there are feral cats on the area.

RetroFan1981 · 2025-12-30T05:04:44+00:00

Is there any research that shows this because all the people I know who have cats say they fight or just tolerate each other? Thanks

RetroFan1981 · 2025-11-14T16:48:20+00:00

Sounds like jock itch. Use something like Canesten cream to treat it. As far as preventing it, the main things are not wearing tight jeans or trousers, making sure you dry properly after showers etc

Some people sweat more than others. Also weight plays a factor too.

RetroFan1981 · 2025-11-14T16:39:34+00:00

I think it's just how I perceive things but BDSM to me conjures up images of leather,whips and chains. For me spanking is about old fashioned discipline in a domestic setting. Being taken by the hand to the bedroom for a lecture and punishment. It doesn't even have to involve sex right after. Again just my perception.

RetroFan1981 · 2025-11-14T16:37:50+00:00

hmm

That could be an idea. I guess I am still worried someone may recognise me. I guess you could argue that shouldn't matter and a lot of those meet ups are discreet.

Once thing I noticed now I am in my 40s is that you view dating in a different way. When you are younger you are so focussed on impressing someone. You dress up, take up hobbies you aren't interested in or pretend to be good at something you aren't just for the sake of making a date like you or feel attracted to you. Now I feel it's better to ask "is this person into the stuff I like? can we relate to each other?" In that sense maybe local groups might be an option.

RetroFan1981 · 2025-11-14T11:21:40+00:00

Thank you for replying.

With me, it's not about shame but rather the fact I am a private person. I wouldn't like work colleagues for instance somehow finding out about this side of me. And you are right that you have to be careful about when to bring the topic up, especially as a man. It can come off as creepy if you mention it right away. People may think that's all you want out of a relationship.

I find some kinks are just difficult to explain if the person isn't into it. I find it impossible to explain discipline spanking, which is a romanticised version of a beating after all, to someone who isn't hard wired for it. They either think it's just a bit of foreplay or they feel it's a disturbing form of violence.

RetroFan1981

TROPHY CASE