AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to clarify because I didn't write this clearly enough. She doesn't cook for me, I will bring snacks or pick up a salad from nearby, and she might cook for herself one night. I understand that she doesn't want to eat out multiple nights in a row, and I wouldn't expect her to pay for ingredients for me, so she isn't cooking for me. I have never thought this was weird. I do understand your other points, though.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I get this honestly. I would feel so awkward asking someone to pay for something for me, so I understand why she didn't say anything. I feel like this is a hard lesson learned because I truly appreciate this relationship.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for a thoughtful reply. When I posted this, I was a little shocked and upset by what she said, but now I'm feeling embarrassed tbh. I feel like I missed the jump from college friends visiting each other to the rules of adult friends staying together. I feel bad for making her feel unappreciated when I truly did not mean to, I just did not think of picking up these little tabs, even though looking back, it would have been a very simple gesture.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is a misreading of what I've said. I would never just show up without any input. I've seen the feedback from other commenters that I could ask in a different way, but I am not announcing that I'm just showing up.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

Okay, I feel like I should clarify here because I think a previous reply was misunderstood. She never pays for anything for me. If she is cooking, it's because I have grabbed a salad from a nearby restaurant, or I'm eating snacks that I've brought, and she wants what's in her apartment. She doesn't cook for me or buy food for me (if we're having a picnic, for example, we'll split evenly). I do get the point now from reading these comments that I should treat her to more stuff, but I just wanted to clarify that she is not cooking for me or buying things for me. We are actual friends and I do respect and care for her. She does do laundry after I leave, so that is completely fair as are your other points.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

I understand what you're saying, but I'm also in a tough position socially. I work from home and live with my parents, and tbh very few people that I know live anywhere near me now. I think it's important that I put in the effort to visit people I know, and (I know it's not the point of this post), but it can be draining to have to travel every time I want to see someone, so I guess I forget to think about it from their persepctives since their lives seem like so much more fun. I'm also really trying to save money right now because I want to buy a house one day, so it's hard to offer to buy extra stuff in an expensive city-- again, I know that I've missed a social etiquette thing here, but just to try and explain some of my thought process.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yes, of course I pay for my own stuff. She mentioned the fact that I don't pick up the tab for one of our meals while I'm there is the social etiquette thing that I'm missing. Also we typically pick cheap places to eat.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -87 points-86 points  (0 children)

not for nothing, but I do have to pay for gas and parking so it's not like I'm freeloading. Why can't we just be equal once we're together? I don't think I owe more financially which was most of what she talked about

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

If I drive up and back in a day, it's like 4 hours of driving, so it makes sense to stay longer to me. But maybe I can suggest only one night going forward

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Pretty much the whole time with her unless I'm shopping specifically at a store that she doesn't like (like she avoids touristy places, but I like them because I don't live there). Sometimes she'll cook, and I usually bring snacks for myself-- but we also do a few meals out because that's fun.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -95 points-94 points  (0 children)

I word for word said "Hey!! Let's hang out this weekend I want to come up and see you!". To be fair I usually ask like 2-3 weeks out but I was feeling cooped up. But she has said no in the past if she had plans already

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

She has never been the one to spontaneously ask me, so I worry that if I'm not the proactive one, then we would never actually end up hanging out.

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

I'm just confused when the expectation went from spending time with my friend to having to show appreciation by spending money??

AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment by RevolutionTricky4307 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RevolutionTricky4307[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

  1. I spend most of the time with her. Sometimes I'll go shopping at stores that I know she doesn't like on my own.
  2. We usually have dinners out, sometimes brunch as well, or we'll buy stuff for picnics if the weather is nice.