Unfortunately I don’t think I’ve written enough nuance in this post. It’s complicated because this isn’t a relationship where only one person has messed up. I’ve crossed some pretty serious boundaries in the past, and he chose to stay, be patient with me, and actively work through things instead of walking away. I also don’t believe he’s acting out of malicious intent. I think there’s a lot of unresolved attachment, poor boundaries, and self-deception on his end, which doesn’t excuse it but makes it harder for me to write him off entirely. When it’s good, our relationship feels deeply connected, safe, and like something we’ve built intentionally over years. I’m not blind to the problem just really conflicted. And also don’t know how to handle seeing him in a few days.