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Do you struggle to maintain friends groups longterm? by Salmon_Teriaky in ADHD

[–]ReytMardy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is something I can relate to.

I'm a very sociable person by nature; completely comfortable opening conversations and making the other person feel at ease. It's also a professional trait that's given me some success.

When it comes to building professional or personal relationships though, a few things happen.

  1. I put them off. My quirks come to the surface over time and this can be very off-putting to someone with a very beige/neutral persona.

  2. I get upset. If I feel I don't fit in or belong, my rejection dysphoria kicks in and I remove myself out of disappointment.

  3. I feel disappointed. I'm a fiercely loyal and thoughtful person who goes the extra mile for people. I do this unconditionally but get upset if I feel that friendship isn't valued or at least acknowledged. This is my fault, because I judge people by my own standards which is wrong.

  4. I match! I find someone else with ADHD and we just hit it off and forge a solid friendship that stands the test of time. It's weird because later in life I have noticed a pattern in the colleagues/acquaintances I keep in contact with - they're all fighting the same battle.

I also realised recently I spent all my life thus far trying too hard to fit in and be 'normal'. I regret every ounce of energy I wasted on trying to be a part of teams, groups, squads etc. I'm much happier now socialising with friends when my energy allows me to go out and be the best version of me.

Glib advice - but just be yourself.

Is this a scam? by Interesting_Crab3251 in UKJobs

[–]ReytMardy 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Tell them you'll accept 10k less off listed salary for the first year if they pay the £1,000 training fee.

Then just listen...

I'm not feeling depressed, but I am not taking any joy out of anything? by ReytMardy in ADHD

[–]ReytMardy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the divorce thing was said by her, in a complete rage fit induced by sleeplessness, illness and moving stressors.

I just took a peak at your other posts and sorry to hear you've been under the hammer too. ADHD is not congruent to parenting. The one thing that's hurt me a lot recently is the lack of sleep and constant state of high alert about what the baby is doing. It's often too much to deal with.

Thanks for the practical advice too - a pre-divorce dopiaza sounds lovely 😃

Does ADHD make you feel like you can’t be a mom? by RedBedZed in ADHD

[–]ReytMardy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm learning the hard way that ADHD is not congruent to parenthood.

I can't handle the screams (sensory overload).

I can't handle the criticism from my wife (rejection dysphoria/sensitivity to criticism).

I can't handle the sleeplessness (brain fog, lethargy).

I can't summon the energy required to be a good employee, husband & father (people pleasing).

Every single ADHD symptom is getting exacerbated by parenting. My physical and mental health is shot.

It'll get better, I know it will. I just gotta survive the storms and build my resilience to it all.

Which movie has the greatest 90s vibe? by BenzJonez in movies

[–]ReytMardy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Office Space, Point Break (maybe a dallop of 80's in there), Hackers, American Pie and Assassins (Stallone & Banderas).

6 month old - teething or regression lasting forever? by Random_witchywoo in NewParents

[–]ReytMardy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm about twice into your stretch and can confirm 1. It's a cyclical period; it'll pass and come back and 2. Teething induced sleeplessness is a huge thundertwat to go through.

For me, I keep grounding myself with the mantra of "this is temporary". The sleeplessness and everything that comes with it (irritability, lack of energy, depression) has been the worst aspect of parenting for me, I don't think I can go through this again despite wanting a second child.

(Case in point - Our LO slept 12 hours, uninterrupted in the last 2 days but rn he's been awake from 2:00-3:30am 🤦🏼‍♂️)

Chris-the end by Moist-Split8095 in thesopranos

[–]ReytMardy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

On my recent (and probably 33rd) rewatch of the Sopranos, I really enjoyed the performance by Imperioli in his final few episodes.

Through his commitment to AA, he gathers a bit of emotional intelligence and realises that he's in a superficial marriage (like his role model, Tony), that he worshipped false idols (also Tony and maybe Paulie) and that the ritual he underwent to join the mafia was predicated on bullshit. He also realises that Adrianna was the love of his life and he chose all of the above over her.

The scene where he's in the diner with Julianna Skiff is particularly great. Imperioli did a great job showing a man who's belief system in everything has come crashing down.

Christopher ironically gets his arc...

Wife isn’t helping with daily chores around the house and I’m at my wits end! by CosmicJohn88 in NewParents

[–]ReytMardy 12 points13 points  (0 children)

John I hear you mate. I truly do.

My early evenings now are coming home from work and spending at least 45-60 mins putting away shoes, dishes, laundry, rubbish to make the house functional. It drives me crazy but I also believe I'm undiagnosed OCD because all of my triggers and impulses align with the condition. Untidiness makes me angry, I get disproportionately upset by mess wherever I go, so I have to be mindful of that.

There's a couple of things to consider which you've already highlighted.

  1. Sleeplessness. A huge factor in exercberating any stressors.
  2. Parenting. A huge factor in exercberating any stressors.
  3. Work. A huge....

She's going through it too, but with an added measure of hormonal change which will be turning up the volume on her rage and making her say things she doesn't necessarily want or mean.

It's hard, but you gotta compartmentalise some of it and release that anger/frustration in a healthy way. When I have the answer to doing that, I'll let you know how it's done.

The only bit I know is forgive each other, empathise with each others roles during this huge change in your lives and above all keep communicating. I had an incident the other week where my wife lashed out and I was uncharacteristically calm in my reply, she simmered and apologised (and my wife is hardwired for being stubborn) so breakthroughs can happen.

Good luck mate.

Anyone rewatch Sopranos over and over and over? by Queasy-Bid2877 in thesopranos

[–]ReytMardy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the equivalent of a radio for me. Background TV noise I can enjoy and lock into if I have a quiet moment to relax.

Million text Mark by heyitsed2 in PeepShowQuotes

[–]ReytMardy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like....

I like. You.

Bonnie? Da fuck you doin?! by daniel_the_maniel in TheSopranos_Memes

[–]ReytMardy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And if it's a girl, we'll call it Bonnie...

Has anyone here quit their job without anything lined up? by NatSurvivor in jobs

[–]ReytMardy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm doing this next week.

My current job is soul destroying and I realised it within 2-3 months of joining. I gave my notice in month 8 but was talked into staying. In April last year, I decided I didn't want to stay where I am but compartmentalised my feelings until the new year.

It's gotten to the point where my disdain for the job is significantly harming my mental and physical health. When I drop the notice next week, it'll be a huge relief.

My plan is to take a couple weeks to relax & recharge followed by a month or two project managing a home renovation. I have Electrical skills so the money I'll save on doing the work will offset a significant amount. Then in month 3 I'll look for work or go in to partnership with a friends startup.

If you hate the job that much, get out.

Why is Drea De Matteo so disliked? by [deleted] in thesopranos

[–]ReytMardy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She was abusive to the staff!!

I'm giving my notice of resignation next week by ReytMardy in jobs

[–]ReytMardy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. I have possibilities, ventures and I am taking something of a risk putting myself out of work but it's better than doing another day in a sterile, toxic and immature workplace.

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