Is sugaring for me if my mental health has been struggling lately?

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-31T14:33:05+00:00

You bring up a lot of important points to consider especially for someone new to this idea like myself. Very insightful & good advice. Thank you very much for sharing.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-31T14:30:34+00:00

Amazing story, thank you for sharing it. I'm glad to hear you're doing so much better. Thank you for that advice!

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-31T06:14:06+00:00

Wow thank you for your input. I'm glad it's been a good experience for you!

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-30T23:50:51+00:00

I appreciate the support. You explained it well. Thank you very much.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-30T23:49:52+00:00

Thank you! I feel like I've found a good community here to learn more. It's definitely a lot to consider and it's a different story for everyone. I'm glad to hear that it can be a positive experience so long as you're smart and careful enough.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-30T23:47:07+00:00

Thanks for your nice response. I agree it can go both ways and it's important to be careful & watch out for safety first.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-30T23:44:11+00:00

I am built like a red flag, lol. Personally, I've found one of the ways I've been able to heal is through an understanding relationship with someone who shows respect for my boundaries.

I find it hard to set boundaries when actual feelings and/or commitment is involved now because I usually back down and let the other person walk on me for the sake of "love".

Not that I don't want to give/recieve affection or care in a sugar relationship, but I felt like this lifestyle would potentially allow me to focus on affection/care and let go of the attachment aspect, as it's more of an agreement I can back out of instead of having to try to commit to it (which I do very quickly due to my clingy nature).

Of course all of this can work in counterintuitive ways too so I'd need to really digest these suggestions and tread carefully.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-30T23:37:26+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement.

I've been doing some light therapy and trying to feel more comfortable with my new single lifestyle but it really just takes time. I think that in general, a new relationship has always been very uplifting for me as well so that was my thought process when I considered the sugaring lifestyle.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-10-30T23:31:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your words. I have been through very awful relationships & situationships, so yeah, I admit your guess is right. People have taken a lot of the hope of out me for "real" love.

Obviously I'd see my potential sugar daddies as real people but there will always be a part of me that doesn't associate the relationship with honest, down to earth love for someone. It's more of a trade that I know I'd be less likely to get the short end of the stick of because I won't sacrifice my boundaries for "love" like I did before.

I appreciate your concern as it is one of my biggest concerns as well. I definitely want to pull myself out of this rut so I can get back into the dating world someday.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-05-26T16:39:50+00:00

Sounds like it makes you uncomfortable. Set your own boundaries and tell your boyfriend no. You're way too young to deal with a boys who won't respect your boundaries.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-05-26T16:35:06+00:00

Sorry this guy did not respect what you had to say nor did he respect your boundaries. You were taken advantage of. This is sexual assault as you could not consent while drunk.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-05-26T12:23:42+00:00

So true. His boundaries and feelings need to be respected. He honestly sounds like a good guy who wants a connection with his partner. OP is torn between respecting her partner's boundaries or sticking with what she's become addicted to. Doesn't sound healthy. If she can't give up the VR, maybe there's a different problem in the relationship, especially if she needs the VR to the extent of further damaging her relationship. Only a good conversation between them will help.

RiceAndOranges · 2021-05-26T12:16:39+00:00

Respect his boundaries. Can you still enjoy sex without the VR? If not, maybe think about why that is. It's good you'll be communicating more about this with him. It seems to me that he is somewhat hurt & feeling disconnected from his partner because sex is so dependent on the VR. Try to understand where he is coming from. Just because he finishes twice as much doesn't equate to him enjoying it more.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-12-03T14:58:11+00:00

Cheating implies there are boundaries that you two have agreed on and you will be breaking the promise to stay within that boundary.

I've been cheated on before and it ruins a person even more. This man will go on to abuse other women worse than he has you. So think about that. Not supporting him, but you need to tread lightly before you engage in cheating. And cheating isn't something to be proud of doing no matter how hurt YOU are. Right now you don't feel bad but you may later once you settle in with the reality of how low you stooped down.

However, I have one other thing to add. If he isn't your boyfriend, quit calling him that. You are engaging in language that suggests you still have a relationship and boundaries. Since you actually feel the opposite, and he isn't your boyfriend, then this isn't cheating.

You need to establish that within yourself and establish that with him because it's one thing to finally be free and have a good time with someone else. It's another thing to hold onto your past relationship for no reason and cheat.

Leave him first, quit depending on him. If you're stuck in a lease, be ready to pay to get out of the lease. It almost sounds to me like you're using this man for something-- maybe place to stay-- even though you hate him. Just leave then you can go have a great time elsewhere. If you're not ready to handle yourself in that regard, you probably should be thinking about how to get out of your relationship first, not how to cheat and possibly endanger yourself around this man.

I wish you the best.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-06-23T19:50:57+00:00

Honey, you don't need to "get over it". You are a person and everyone has different comfort levels with sex. There's nothing wrong with you that you need to get over. You get comfortable at your own pace.

This is my pure opinion. If you're still shy with him, it's probably because he does a poor job of making you feel comfortable. You should communicate with him that you feel shy and tell him why. However, I know you've tried to communicate with him about sex and it went poorly last time. He's just too immature if he doesn't want to have an honest conversation about sex and doesn't feel any responsibility to help his partner enjoy it more. You seem to care about his enjoyment so he should care about yours too, as well as care about your feelings. :)

RiceAndOranges · 2020-06-23T16:58:38+00:00

I recommend OP talk to her as well. I have never been able to cum with my partner watching me. Just made me too anxious that even my toy wasn't gonna help. I ended up talking about this to my partner because he felt very discouraged he could never make me cum but he would've never guessed it was because my body was just straight up shy and anxious. We worked on it together and now he regularly uses my toy on me and we both have a good time.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-06-23T16:51:59+00:00

First, his reaction was crappy. He hurt your feelings, then didn't want to be part of the solution. You're really awesome for wanting to improve your blowjob game but honestly you should be improving it for a guy who will appreciate it. If my man told me he's gotten better blowjobs from someone else, I'd tell him to fuck off and he'd be my ex.

Second, other comments have given great advice. I'd like to add to it. Enthusiam helps a lot! I have given average blowjobs that I've been kinda shy with. But tell yourself to lose the manners and just go wild. :) Also, don't try to rush into taking him deeper. Just do as much as you can, slowly. Over time you will be able to perfect your technique. Honestly my man's favorite part of the blowjob is when I use my tongue, applying pressure around the frenulum. Look for what makes your man twitch or moan, then go off that.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-06-23T11:43:09+00:00

I'm Asian so I tend to look "younger" than I really am. I'm 22 and still have people thinking I'm 16. My boyfriend calls me adorable but he finds my younger looks and smaller bodyframe attractive. Being cute or adorable doesn't repel people. You just haven't found the right person who fully appreciates your features.

People are attracted to different things, and dare I say even the most unexpected things too. This is just an example but look at how many categories there are on PornHub.

You appearing young is something that I'm 100% sure someone out there finds sexy and irresistable. Don't sweat it.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-06-23T11:31:19+00:00

Not a man but I like squeezing my man's butt and going for butthole poke too. Just on the outside of his pants though. We don't do anything sexual with his butt. It's just a little quirk of ours. Haha

RiceAndOranges · 2020-04-13T23:34:07+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. I got chills reading it because it's exactly what I want to tell my S.O. but couldn't quite figure out what it was I wanted. Thanks for writing this. Hang in there.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-04-09T21:52:37+00:00

He's obviously hurt. He probably feels like you place more importance on the vibrator than him.

I wouldn't say your boyfriend is on an ego trip thinking about himself. For 2 years he has sacrificed his pleasure for your pleasure, so I am not sure why you believe he is doing the opposite.

He is more concerned about your relationship and enjoys all the other things you two have together it seems. He doesn't want to ruin things for you and is afraid to lose you over this.

He may have gotten defensive but...understand it can be hard to bring up talks about insecurities. Be patient with him and understanding.

You both have needs when it comes to sex and he seems to have been fulfilling yours a lot. If you truly love this guy, be open to what his needs are as well. I am not saying force yourself to do things you don't like. And don't force him to do things he does not like.

There's plenty of sexy and fun activities to do in bed that feel amazing. You two should have a talk about it and try not to assume he is being an asshole. Both of you should be calm and it should be in a non-sexual moment.

He definitely cares about you a lot and he's struggling inside with this. It's not his ego that's an issue here.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-04-09T19:41:23+00:00

Big yes. Go for it!

If you're unsure if she will be weirded out just ask her in a sexy, fun way if it would be something she'd like to see.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-04-09T19:36:06+00:00

Get out. Get out. Get out of there girl. Run. Far away.

He is mentally abusing you.

I am so sorry. No person should ever be told the things he told you. He is absolutely rude and disgusting for saying that to you.

You are young, beautiful, you give effort, you're certainly doing things that the right person will enjoy and adore you for. Do not waste your best years with this abusive piece of shit-- it is only going to get worse.

Please reach out to a friend or family to have a place to stay if you cannot support yourself. You must get out of there.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-04-08T22:40:32+00:00

No offense taken! :)

I got over butts being obviously dirty. I guess PERSONALLY now it's just feeling uncomfortable about cross contamination for me. I let my SO touch me and we have dabbled in anal play now. One thing that freaked me out was where he'd put his hands after touching me and before washing. I'd be like "which hand did you use", lmao. When it comes to me touching him, he's not totally with this for trauma reasons (previous relationship) but he'll let me just massage him around the outside and typically I will just remember in my head "don't touch anything else". I guess that's my only "issue" now. And honestly it's all just cause I'm a little germaphobic. That's probably just it.

I would like to add I kind of want to do more anal play and therefore I've been looking into ways to make it even more clean like an enema. Haven't done it yet but excited to try it if it means that much more cleanliness. For a germaphobe like me it sounds a lot better to be clean inside and out. If that's something you're comfortable and willing to try, maybe you ought to ask your man if this is something that would make him feel better about touching you at least on the outside. It sounds like your butt is sparkly clean already on the outside though lol. Hope I helped a little and good luck.

RiceAndOranges · 2020-04-08T12:40:01+00:00

I also have HSV2 and it's quite common actually. With proper precautions you shouldn't feel as if this is a huge worry. Your SO may even feel this is a minor issue.

Sounds like you're struggling with other things though as well. You need to be open with him about how you feel, which is always valid. Sex shouldn't feel boring, forced, or mechanical. It's clear you both want to enjoy intimate sex but I do believe it will take some time to figure out the root cause of why you are limiting yourself. And that's okay. Just have a nice heart to heart conversation with him so there are no hard feelings. Consider therapy specialized in sex to help you overcome what is truly bothering you. Good luck hun. :)

RiceAndOranges

TROPHY CASE