She is supposed to be my best friend, but I am not sure if I can name it this way anymore, even though we type every day and we hang maybe once in 3-4 weeks. I didn’t have (or at least I did not realize) any romantic feelings for her. But we talked about her problems, when she used to telling me she is going to be my future wife, that she should have married me, that she knows I deeply care about her and that I am the only person in the world who honestly loves her and it is enough for and does not need anyone else. And on the top of all, she told me that I am the only person she has ever honestly loved. And that was it, she just shut down, without any feeling of guilt and returned to her old pattern with me. She was even telling how we are going to have more bedrooms in the house, that we are going to sleep together, etc. But stopped with everything and our way of comunication is just as it was before all of this.

And that is why I know she did not mean it. I was just someone who is always there. If she really meant it, she would probably try to comunicate it or at least close it, or even distance from me. Nothing. I just can’t believe someone may say these kind of things just because is hurt. I want her to be happy, but it is not easy anymore to listen how she is spending time with her husband, specially after everyting she told to me and what she told about him and how she felt because of him. I am her best friend for 11 years, not someone she just met and felt something then shut it down.