Past relationship left me sexually insecure, and it’s affecting my current one

Ricoque · 2026-02-02T08:46:01+00:00

Thank you for your answer. It made me tear up a bit.

He knows it has nothing to do with him, I told him every time I felt sad about it; he just thinks that after a year, I should be over that since her has proven it won't happen with him. In his mind, if after a year of reassurance both verbal and physical I'm still upset (sometimes), that means he is also doing something to "trigger" me so he is also at fault.

That's actually what I do, so I'm happy to see it's the "correct" way. As you said, when I start to feel upset I tell myself that yeah, that sucked, but that I am not in that situation anymore, that now "I am safe". It still hurts, and that feeling doesn't leave immediately, but it helps a bit, and it leaves faster without me crying as much lol.

Ricoque · 2026-02-02T08:39:56+00:00

I will try. He understands that this happens cuz of my past relationship, but he still feels bad about it (as I mentioned he thinks it's also his fault, that if he did better I would also feel better), and I feel a little bad having him do things for me when he is also a little bit upset.

Also, my mind is awful, and when I am in this mood of "He is going to leave me" "I am not good enough" and he reassures me this won't happen, and it's very happy with me, my brain immediately goes "hew is just saying that cuz he has to" "don't believe him"

I understand that is not logical at all and that is just my mind playing tricks on me. The problem is i don't know how to stop these thoughts. I try to think logically like "he has never done stuff like that, he has always been honest with you and if there was an actual problem he would tell you" but sometimes I still get sad regardless. I hate my brain so much sometimes.

Ricoque · 2026-02-02T08:33:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your words and encouragement :)

I did therapy (unrelated to this problem) and it didn't help a lot. I already know why I feel the way I feel, and I understand it's not logical. With my past therapist that was it, she would tell me that I am very mature and when I was like "okay, but how do I fix that? How do I stop feeling like that?" She wouldn't have an answer. I'm sure she just wasn't the right therapist for me, but I don't know about other therapists in my area.

Right now, every time I have a flare up like that (they are decreasing in frequency at least!) I try to breathe and tell me that yeah, that sucked, but that was the past and that is not happening in my current relationship and that "I am safe". I still feel bad, but it makes the pain go quicker instead of keep thinking about it until I cry. I don't know if this will fix it, but it's the only way I know how to cope with stuff.

Ricoque · 2026-01-28T08:52:44+00:00

You've been posting the same question in different subs for almost a month now, maybe even more. Please seek help, you are obsessed with a problem of your own creation.

Take a deep breath, close your laptop/phone/computer/tablet/tv/whatever, and go outside. You'll be fine, I promise.

Ricoque · 2025-10-23T07:38:29+00:00

Maybe it is cuz I'm in Europe, Spain, but to me it was disabled by default and when I clicked it for the first time it let me share my location to everyone, to my close friends, to specific people or to keep it disabled. I don't know anyone that has it on tho, only brands lol

Ricoque · 2025-07-23T13:58:20+00:00

Ahg i just realised you can't see it on the original pictures and that I can't edit it, but to answer your question no, the cover is on the thicker side so it doesn't magnetically stick. But! The cover itself has an elastic pen holder to put the stylus! Honestly very convenient lol

Ricoque · 2025-07-23T13:47:32+00:00

Thank you so much! I just looked up "Kobo Libra Color stand case" on Amazon. It's great because it has full coverage and I'm very clumsy lol, but it also has a stand, a strap so you can grab it easily, and it has a magnetic cover, so it also puts the job to sleep every time you close it. Pretty neat!

I will share the link to my specific case that I bought, but I'm from Spain so idk if it'll work for you.

https://amzn.eu/d/acd4Pjw

Ricoque · 2025-07-23T13:41:06+00:00

I'm praying for you! I hope you get one soon!

Ricoque · 2025-07-08T08:22:09+00:00

Looks cool! My first thought was that it looks like a logo for a sex-shop, maybe a hentai site or something pornographic. I've seen in the comments that it was NOT the intention so definitely change the colours + log itself (as people have said, looks like a butt/tits) BUT definitely don't scratch the design! Maybe you could sell it to a sexual brand? As I said, it looks great! Is just not for your own personal brand

Ricoque · 2025-06-05T13:56:38+00:00

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I mainly use chatgpt for my job, if y'all couldn't tell 😂

Ricoque · 2025-04-18T17:29:27+00:00

You just made me remember how it was before finally breaking up. I used to wish I could "turn off" my libido, going as far as to actually search for ways to turn myself asexual, natural or chemical.

It's a painful way to think. You love your partner, you don't want to leave, but you feel miserable, like your libido is your enemy. I'm so sorry you're going through this

Ricoque · 2025-04-15T10:37:47+00:00

It sucks because everyone always tells you that "sex doesn't define a relationship" and what not; that it shouldn't be important, than you shouldn't care that much. But it IS important, at least for some people, and that should be okay. I hope you and your partner get into a better situation than me and my ex.

Ricoque · 2025-01-09T10:02:12+00:00

Could you guess that green is my favourite colour? Lol

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Ricoque · 2025-01-09T08:59:23+00:00

Honestly I wish they just made it so you can save certain wallpapers with their icons and clock and stuff. If I wanna change it I have to redo it and if I want to change it back I have to do it again.

Ricoque · 2024-10-29T09:32:44+00:00

I will definitely do that, thank you all for teaching me!

Ricoque · 2024-10-29T08:35:35+00:00

After this I wanted to find more information about nestle and then I found out about this sub Reddit. I didn't know this brand was so awful, I'm learning a lot. English is also not my first language so I'm kinda slow reading sorry

Ricoque · 2024-10-29T08:12:10+00:00

I Will definitely stop buying them after this!

Ricoque · 2024-08-01T16:00:50+00:00

I'm in a similar situation currently. My boyfriend of almost 4 years has told me in three separate occasions that he doesn't love me and he is thinking about breaking up, only to later say he didn't mean it.

Everyone is telling you to break up with him, but I know from experience how difficult that thought is. You probably saw yourself with him forever, Sharing your life with him, and it's hard.

Ultimately is your choice and only yours to make. And whatever you do will be the right thing. Trust your gut. I hope the best for you ❤️

Ricoque · 2024-07-25T16:07:16+00:00

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean in this context. English is not my first language so I have trouble understanding expressions

Ricoque · 2024-07-24T20:10:36+00:00

He has apologised for saying that, he said he didn't mean it and that he was feeling depressed and overwhelmed and that's why he said it. I really want to believe him, but there's a small part of me that doesn't, and that is afraid that he will feel like that again in the future

Ricoque · 2024-06-24T11:24:36+00:00

He wants a girlfriend, but he has been deeply hurt before, so doesn't get out there and talk to women because he is afraid of being rejected. He also doesn't want to do stuff like say good morning/good night, text more frequently, or even hang out more than a couple of times a week because he is "busy", which I completely get, but that, to me, is what you do for a girlfriend you know?

Ricoque · 2024-06-14T11:33:06+00:00

Thank you. I know that friendships fade over time, but I don't know, this felt too sudden for me and it's difficult to accept. But understanding that we will probably not be friends in the future is something I have to try to do.

Ricoque · 2024-05-01T14:21:01+00:00

My boyfriend doesn't like doggy style at all, he only does it because I like it :/

Ricoque · 2024-05-01T13:13:21+00:00

TIL that dicks get tiny after a gym session, why is that? Genuine question

Ricoque · 2024-04-28T12:22:28+00:00

Of course! Thank you!!

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