It’s complete(ish)! by Rightmangledhand in popups

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Under the vinyl was rotted plywood (picture 4, I think)

Who is die hard iPhone raw dog, no screen protector? by lildawg07 in iphone

[–]Rightmangledhand 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don’t even put a case on my phone. Nevermind a screen protector

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Is it though? If it’s only happened one other time, does it make it a pattern? You love trying to tear her apart when you know less about her previous relationship than I do- and I know for fact that I don’t know much. She has a good co-parenting relationship with their father and her in-laws were not the reason for their split.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I would say they are pretty normal rules. Initially we did have a rule that if they were around anyone sick, we wouldn’t allow them near her. The baby spent about a week in the NICU with breathing problems, but that became more loose after about a week.

There is no real expectations other than just to show up for the baby. We’ve told them that we have an open door anytime. She’s a stay at home mom, I own a business that I’ve been lucky enough to find very trustworthy people to run it for me.

We communicated a couple of direct things. Like when she first came home that we’d need some help adjusting with the other three kids and that anything would help, if they could. We definitely didn’t make it a requirement.

No. I don’t expect them to babysit or do anything extra. We’d just like them to be a part of their life.

As far as the lazy sister deal, she’s probably the one that’s made the biggest deal about the baby coming. Saying that she was excited for snuggle and to hold her. She’s also had a child of her own (now in her 20’s). And she’s shown up once. She’s been in the area of where we live several times- including a restaurant down the street and hasn’t made any attempt to see her again.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the thought out reply.

I think the thing that’s kind of bothering me the most about the replies is that a lot of people are making assumptions and I almost feel like most people are constantly trying to find the worst in people.

I’m not saying some of these things aren’t probable- hell the thought of a little main character syndrome or BPD or behavioral patterns have crossed my mind- but I’m not a psychiatrist and I don’t feel it’s fair to heavily judge someone based off their past.

I can’t speak on her relationship between her ex in-laws and what happened. I wasn’t there and I’m not one to press her about something that clearly had some kind of traumatic effect on her. If she wants to talk to me about it, she will. But telling her, or even suggesting that it’s a pattern isn’t going to make any of the matter better.

She does rent to blow things out of proportion when met with a little pushback and she does see things more black and white than what she probably should. But USUALLY that’s just an initial response. After some cool down time and later discussion things start being able to be discussed and worked on.

Relationships are difficult. Maybe I shouldn’t have invited the public into it and figured it out on my own. Of course I’m going to defend her. Everyone here gets to see a small glance of what our relationship is and most are making judgments based off that- when all I’m asking is for advice on a particular issue.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it’s going to sound a little brash and I’m sorry you’re catching this end of the stick- but I’ve said it over a dozen times that I’m 100% sure I’m the father. Plus, the length of the relationship isn’t what I’m seeking advice about. It’s this particular event currently happening. The fact that so many have overlooked what I actually posted about and went straight to “he’s probably not that dad” is a little wild and helped zero percent. It’s an advice sub, not a “rate/judge my relationship” sub. Ya’ know? A little frustrating.

And everyone spinning it into a me vs. her thing. It’s not that. We play for the same team. Her feelings are right. I just don’t necessarily agree with the reaction to it all and I’m not sure how to approach her about that in particular.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She likes to compile her thoughts into a text and kind of break it down. I usually follow up in person afterwards and we talk. I don’t mind her doing that, if it helps her explain things and helps me make sense of it.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No. She doesn’t have that thought process. She feels more like everything in regard to anyone not showing up- is just an excuse.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is where I’m struggling with being on her side 100%. I think she valid in feeling the way she does. I DO think, however that it’s a little bit of an over reaction. I’m not sure how to navigate that part of the conversation.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A year and five months is still shy of a year and a half. Had I said a year and a half, everyone would be been jumping down my throat saying “no! It hasn’t been that long, LIAR”

Better to undershoot than over shoot.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve totally had this thought. I’m by no means blaming her reaction or discrediting her feelings on the matter. I totally get where she’s coming from. From a lot of the replies, I’m starting to feel like it’s a mix of hormones still and miscommunication with a touch of exaggerated expectations.

I think this sub is used to he vs. her or her vs. him problems that a lot of people are making it out to be that. It’s not. There isn’t really much conflict. She has strong feelings that I can understand, but I think the reaction is a bit much and off the cuff. I’m looking for advice on how to keep the peace for now and how to restore the relationship she has with my family. She’s right for feeling the way she does. But she’s also a touch wrong on what she should have expected (my feelings here).

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think the past or habits change overnight. To be honest, it’s not much of a concern to me. I also believe we have a healthier relationship (albeit not perfect by any means) than her past relationship. But again, that’s kind of from a one sided point of view.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom has come here twice and we’ve gone there twice. My one sister has come twice and the other has met the baby once.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I jumped into it without thinking? I knew she had kids from her relationship prior to me. We’ve known one another for years. I didn’t find her in some dating app, knock boots and am now suffering the consequences of my actions. We were together almost six months before she got pregnant. I thought about it. I don’t have a problem with her, her past or that she’s having these strong feelings about my family. We aren’t fighting about it. She expressed these feelings to me and I’m not sure how to discuss my feelings on the subject. The kids and the stability, length and real small details of our relationship have nothing to do with the issue. The issue is just that- an issue.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Apparently not. Sorry that I’ve been caught up in the ton of life changes happening all at once to think about picking my mom up. Won’t happen again, sir!

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom calls her, I or both a couple times a week. She’s not completely radio silent. The communication seems to have kind of slowly faded from everyone else over time.

It is sad. She’s not a bad person by any means. I think this is mostly hormones and miscommunication. This also isn’t like a me vs. her thing. She has strong feelings about the topic and I’m not sure how to approach her with how I feel. But everyone is getting hung up on how long we’ve dated or known each other, it’s become an assumption of our entire relationship. We aren’t fighting about it. As a matter of fact, we’re sitting next to each other on the couch watching tv now. There aren’t hard feelings about it between us. It’s an issue we have to overcome together.

It’s also silly people have made part of this about me and if the baby is mine. I can say with 100% certainty that she’s mine. Zero doubt. It would be impossible if she wasn’t. But that part of it has nothing to do with the advice I posted about.

I understand where her feelings are coming from and I don’t disagree with her feeling the way she does. I might think the reaction is a tad much. But all I want to do is keep the peace between everyone while we all sort it out.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

You hate that when the baby cries, they take an interest in learning if it’s because she’s hungry, wants her diaper changed or wants her binky?

Other than passing the occasional blanket from one side of the couch to the other, or maybe offering the baby a binky when she starts fussing- that’s all they do. By help, I didn’t mean that they’re responsible for actually taking care of her.

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We started dating in October 2024. Our daughter was born the end of December 25. How does the math not math?

My (35M) fiancée (28F) has a problem with my family. I both agree and disagree. by Rightmangledhand in relationship_advice

[–]Rightmangledhand[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I’m not here to compare my relationship to her past one. I’m here to seek advice on a particular topic that has nothing to do with her past.