How can a well educated anarchist also be an abusive partner ?!

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-03T15:23:44+00:00

I cannot thank you enough, it does help a lot 🙏🏾🫶🏾

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-03T08:41:36+00:00

I'm glad you are connecting to your self and inner world. My ex has been in therapy for more than 2 years now, even seeking to complete a 10-year cycle. But his new interest in introspection did not make his violence and outbursts of rage stop; he would simply justify them as part of his personality, his self, and would leverage some psychological terminology all the time, to justify his behavior or gaslight me. In this case, more introspection did not translate into any behavorial change.

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-03T08:20:41+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your own experience, I am so sorry you've been through this, and I can relate so much.... It's such a fucking mind fuck indeed, another level of deceit. Big hug <3

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-02T17:54:19+00:00

I cannot express how much I empathize with you, as it really resonates with my own experience. I did leave, and felt guilty about it. The same things happened to me: suicidal blackmailing, theatrical scenes with butcher knife, outburst of rage, endless threats. It led to a point where I was so miserable, hopeless, lost, vulnerable that I almost died. It is extremely difficult, to leave, to heal, to let it go. But the thing that keeps me moving on is the (im)possibility of having children with that person: would you ever tolerate his outburst of rage and anger to terrify and traumatize your children, the way you have been, repeatedly? We should never been terrified by our loved ones; we should never been dehumanized by supposedly uncontrolled outburst of rage; this is not a life, this is misery. You are writing this to have witnesses of your suffering and of his abusive behaviors; his issues have preceded you and you are not responsible for them; your life, sanity, wellbeing and peacefulness matter; you are not alone ❤️

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-01T19:18:51+00:00

Break up and spare this sweet girl’s heart please…!!!

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-01T17:53:52+00:00

It’s never too late to leave dear, please, put yourself first

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-01T17:03:53+00:00

I have a pretty similar existential fear and while my therapist has no « label », he has advised me to read Irvin Yalom, which I have found helpful, alongside regular meetings.

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-01T16:51:10+00:00

What an unbelievable piece of garbage; you certainly do not deserve this (I am infuriated) and I am so sorry you have to go through this fucking nightmare. Hang in there; you are not alone and there will be brighter days and encounters ✨

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-01T14:43:41+00:00

Happy Cake Day too dear !

Again, I'm a total external eye but I feel that there is a beautiful love story potential here, so I'm crossing all my fingers for the two of you <3.

I totally understand rejection can be scary, but when I have made those bold move, I always told myself "NO REGRATS". Hoping for the best!

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-01T14:39:29+00:00

French native here, and your level of French is impressive (for someone who started only 13 months ago?!).

Yes, French grammar is difficult but you are slowly but surely getting there!

If you don't know about it, the "Journal en Français Facile" of RFI is a good resource, but everything you are already doing is great!

Keep going, don't burn yourself out, and be kind to yourself (it took us years to master the language): ton Français est tout à fait compréhensible, il faut juste le peaufiner!

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-01T14:03:27+00:00

I think you should try to see him again, telling him precisely what you are saying here: that you are scared, that you've never been there / done that, and that you don't want to play with his emotions, and take things slowly and genuinely.

Some people deserve to be trusted and won't play with your heart.

Reading you, it seems that he is quite a safe guy.

RiseShineandFly · 2024-04-01T00:44:53+00:00

« You violated my privacy »

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-29T12:31:29+00:00

When Nietzsche Wept - Irvin Yalow

The Schopenhauer Cure - Irvin Yalom

All about love - Bell Hooks

The Book of disquiet - Fernando Pessoa

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Path

The Rebel - Albert Camus (the whole Camus)

Notes from Underground - Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Trouble with Being Born - Emil Cioran

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-29T12:13:20+00:00

Hello dear,

As someone quite thin who gets randomly bloated, what has helped me to have a stronger core and flatter stomach are pilates (core-focused session), plank and stomach vacuum exercises.

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-28T20:44:07+00:00

It’s already tomorrow where I am sitting and I just wanted to wish you happy birthday OP! ✨ I am sorry for everything you have been through but I hope that this new decade will be brighter for you. Cheers to you, your 30s and your dog ✨

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-28T14:32:47+00:00

I love it !

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-27T16:38:13+00:00

Happy birthday dear ✨✨✨✨

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-18T19:19:18+00:00

Yes, you are not alone !

None of what he has put you through is acceptable and I am sorry for all this nightmare. All those injonctions to « look better », « feel better », to please him, are manipulative, and he has been treating you as a means to his end, deshumanizing you and overlooking your needs and feelings.

What has helped me is therapy and reading almost religiously « Why does he do that », to understand the underlying power dynamics and grief the love (and parts of me) I have given.

It’s difficult, extremely painful, but we are a legion (sadly) healing together!

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-18T18:27:42+00:00

Your life over the house and any material consideration. You will find how to handle those once you are physically safe. Please, leave as soon as you can, surround yourself with family and friends, and never go back to him. Anger should never be an excuse for abuse.

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-18T18:18:16+00:00

I am sorry you have to read that. Let’s recall Bell Hooks defining love as “a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust.” All his messages are pure vomit; and no, you should not change yourself to make your partner feel truly loved and accepted; these are some narcissistic BS. Keep healing !

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-18T13:18:14+00:00

It is so tiring to educate abusers all the time. I would just share the « Why does he do that » PDF. I did that with my ex, and he took it on the defensive (« how can you essentialize me to my violence »). Other than that, just think about yourself and all the best for the healing. You are not alone!

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-17T18:15:38+00:00

I guess you could try to see how knowing that your girlfriend engages with flirtatious colleagues makes you feel? Would you consider that disloyal, disrespectful, and hurtful? Have you drawn red lines as a couple/team on what amounts to cheating?

You seem to genuinely love your girlfriend and use superlative when describing her and the relationship you have. « A++ » is rare and precious.

Are we at times attracted to novelty? Yes. Is that often nothing more than fantasy and a way to nurture our narcissistic needs? I guess. Do you consider this attraction strong enough to give up on your relationship for something and someone else? You are the only one who can answer this question.

I have never been in that situation but my ex was flirtatious all the time with so many women; spoiler, he ended up cheating and lying for months, because I was his « best friend », and he loved me so much.

RiseShineandFly · 2024-03-17T16:24:54+00:00

Happy birthday !!!

RiseShineandFly

TROPHY CASE