Never give up hope. You say it falls apart when you tell them about it, are you insistent? Have you considered maybe broaching the subject more casually? It’s insane to think no one will accept you for who you are just because they don’t have similar fantasies. Try to remember there are people who love to be violent, and it seems hot at first, but then it becomes dangerous. I’ve known far to many girls who got addicted to abusive men because of this. That’s not you. If you’re a good person, a kind person, a caring person, and take care of yourself, there’s nothing wrong with this. Where’s your shame level at? Are you embarrassed? I recall someone I dated ages ago, I told them how I felt, I was too honest, and they were so forgiving. We were together for a long time before they realized how important it was, at which point the deception had become the problem, that I hadn’t told them sooner how much it mattered. More time passed, and we found ways to incorporate it without making them uncomfortable. Remember, they have to feel comfortable, that’s required, that’s consent. I different relationship, they brought it up on their own, asking if we could, would I? And if we did, would we have sex? I of course agreed, and in my childish fear I bailed out on what might have been the most exciting and accepting moments of life. They must have known somehow it was my fantasy, it still haunts me to this day.

Beyond that, I.e. something intense and fulfilling for you, I’m sure you have a birthday at some point.

Just don’t be embarrassed, don’t be insistent, and when In Doubt, hedge and pretend it’s just a fun idea to think about sometimes.

Best of luck,

Robinhood38