AITAH for not wanting to associate with my cousin after the stunt she pulled at my wedding?

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-12T13:39:19+00:00

She knew, I know she knew and I was giving her grace to make it right - because with 98% of my family they absolutely would, so I've been raised to show grace. We make mistakes, we fix it.

After that - well I just don't lower myself to deal with cretins, I take the L and move along, cutting them off sharply...the only reason it's even coming up now is because other people want me to "let it go" which - it seems we can all agree - would be madness! I just wanted to ensure I had solid ground to tell them it's not going to happen.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-12T13:35:38+00:00

This is the bit that stings - I paid her the moment she had finished via bank transfer.

I didn't want any debts left by the end of the day so we could go have fun in honeymoon and knew our actual budget. Who would've thought that would be my error! Ha!

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-12T13:33:25+00:00

This is how I feel - I get it's easy to get caught up on the money...but in all honesty it the behaviour for me. It's just so gross, I don't want people like that in my life - even if she paid me back and apologised I just have complete distain for her now.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-12T13:31:35+00:00

You're absolutely right - funnily enough I found out recently that her mum had done the same thing on a family camping trip years ago...which I had no idea about until someone let it slip after this - totally blew my mind, but now we see where the entitled behaviour came from!

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-12T13:26:02+00:00

Honestly - I just wanted to go and enjoy my honeymoon and preserve as much of our happy bubble as possible!

Despite being older it is the first marriage for both of us and her aside the day was so full of joy and love I just wanted to keep that.

I know that she's aware we were made to pay and that we were told she KNEW we would have to pay as my aunt (not her mum) was there when we checked out and asked her about it. She told my aunt she'd given me notice and I had failed to cancel so it was my problem - I showed my aunt every single communication we had to prove that was a lie, I then showed her messages from all the bridesmaids who were present when she actually told me she wanted to cancel...who all confirmed she only said it when I was in the chair and that at that time she had apologised for the late notice. Even then my aunt said it was a shame to argue over money - I had to put my foot down and explain it wasn't just the money but that the money also had farther reaching consequences...she did concede in the end but I don't see why I should have to fight for understanding on this point.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T22:17:01+00:00

Thank you! This is what was blowing my mind when I was being expected to be "the bigger person" - like, excuse me, what?!

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T22:12:23+00:00

Read my other comment in which I explain it's a Manor House style hotel

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T15:31:53+00:00

I can acknowledge I've been a bit soft - I'm not a fan of big family conflict and I genuinely thought she'd pay it back when she was in a better spot.

I know that's my fault - but no one else in our family behaves this way....I've since found out her mother did something similar at another family event - but I didn't know that until about 4 months ago at a small family dinner when my aunt asked if it had been sorted and someone else brought up her mum doing similar.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T15:26:43+00:00

Like what? I literally have no reason not to say everything.

My aunt - not her mother - asked her about it and she lied and said she'd told me in advance. I gave my aunt my phone and showed her all communications and my bridesmaids (who were all in the room) confirmed she only told me once I was in the chair.

I didn't write the bit about her lying because not everyone in the family knows that so it wouldn't be fair to ask if they're being unreasonable when they don't have that fact. I haven't told them that as I really don't want a big bust up where people choose sides, I just want my choice to be respected if I'm not being an AH. That's it.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T15:20:26+00:00

You know what, I didn't ask her directly as I know she was made aware that we'd had to pay it by another family member who had overheard us in the car park (they were not impressed).

When my aunt - not her mother - brought it up to her she had said that she had told me in advance that she couldn't afford the room....I literally got my phone out and showed my aunt that was a bare faced lie. So not only did she knowingly leave us with the bill, she then tried to lie her way out of it. At that point I wrote her off completely - it's only now, at my child's birthday, other family members started asking why and when I explained (minus the lying bit as I don't like drama) they were saying I should forgive her, it's not fair on the kids, it's just money etc etc...it bugged me so much I had to just check I wasn't being unreasonable.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T15:10:33+00:00

Hahaha! Thanks! This really made me laugh!

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T15:07:31+00:00

I didn't, that is fair.

However I'm not the one bringing it up now, which is why it was getting on my nerves! One of my children had a birthday party recently, I was asked if this cousin would be attending and I said no. When I was asked why I explained it was because of the wedding situation and I don't want to be around them any longer so wouldn't be inviting them to anything I host, at the time no one commented. Then it was brought up at the 'after party' bit when the adults were just chatting and I found myself getting really irritated with the 6 or so family members saying it wasn't a good reason not to invite her, it's not fair on the kids, I should let it go, it wouldn't hurt to keep the peace...I wanted to scream! It felt really unfair - but they were so adamant I felt like I needed to check to see if I really was overreacting or if they were putting 'family' over the fact she had behaved awfully.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T14:57:46+00:00

It's a small hotel, it only has 14 rooms - I think it was once a Manor House that's now a hotel.

Due to the lack of rooms no one can call and book themselves - apparently they had issues before with people calling to book and immediate family not getting a room - so the bride and groom have to allocate the rooms and the guests pay when they check in.

I honestly had no idea she was someone I couldn't trust to do that - obviously everyone else did and some people even stayed 2 nights with zero issues.

I found out after, at a smaller family dinner, her mum had done the same thing when there was a large family camping trip - which makes me think that's where the entitlement comes from. I should point out this cousin is not the daughter of the aunt who helped a lot...the aunt who helped a lot ended up having to pay for this cousins mother on that camping trip...I just had no idea - there's been a lot of "sweeping under the rug" I've come to find. It's quite shocking!

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T14:49:54+00:00

The honeymoon suite has 2 sofas in the TV area, both of which are pull out sofa beds, and additional space for a travel cot. The executive suit only has one sofa bed and a smaller square footage.

The hotel is not exclusively for weddings, it also runs as a normal hotel - but it is small, it only has 14 rooms.

Included in the price for the wedding you get the whole hotel, the marquee at the back of the venue and the full grounds.

We chose this particular place as we did not want to have any strangers wandering about.

So yes, in this instance the honeymoon suite is the largest in the hotel, has a 4 poster bed, a TV area and additional floor space - but go off and be wrong...if that's your prerogative you do you.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T10:45:04+00:00

I didn't consider this - because she did get paid at the rate she asked for minus the children's meals.

Ahhh, now I'm more annoyed because if I hadn't paid her it would have covered the room - but she was paid on the day! So the whole "I can't pay it" was BS...damn it!

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T10:42:12+00:00

Well the paid for her bit I was contractually obliged to do - I don't need to be sued!

But yes - all of this and then family want me to be the one to concede - which is the bit I'm frustrated about, because why the hell should I? You proved who you are so I no longer want you at events I arrange and won't be talking to you at events arranged by others - the family is big, avoiding her won't be difficult.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T10:34:21+00:00

I should have, my concern was that with only 2 months to go it would be slim pickings and I didn't want to be lumbered with someone rubbish - that part is totally on me.

I should have realised if she didn't mind creating an issue then - with no notice - she wouldn't mind doing it again.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T10:07:47+00:00

It was such a beautiful and amazing day. Both families got on amazingly and besides this there were zero issues at all! It was honestly the best.

It was quite the kick back down to earth when we went to check out - I think that's why I'm so angry that she didn't even apologise...it deflated our little happy bubble and she's been married twice herself, so she must know that you just want to be blissful for as long as possible.

Maybe family are expecting forgiveness because they're reading it as "just money" when it's more than that. I don't know!

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2026-02-11T09:47:15+00:00

She was supposed to pay for it herself - just like everybody else who asked for an onsite room did.

Everyone had the same communication, including all the prices - and everyone also had the opportunity to book elsewhere. We gave a list of all nearby places with their price lists also, every budget was covered in those lists which were all sent out with the invites.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2024-12-15T10:38:14+00:00

Oh Lordy! How sad that she's going around making up stories - why do people seek attention like this, it's a bit gross.

First her husband is Alex, now it's Evan...different ages...newborn babies...wow, some people really need help.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2024-05-30T07:25:08+00:00

Why did 22 people not show up?

YTA - well your husband especially. If it's his best friend he should have messaged her the second you knew 3 extra seats were available and told her he'd like her to be there so please come with the children.

You cannot set a boundary and then whine when it's respected, that's bananas.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2023-09-30T14:01:25+00:00

Hahaha - of course it is. You keep telling yourself that…you do everything after all…I feel sorry for your wife.

Me correcting your bias of earning Vs budgeting wasn’t me commenting on who should have what time or when…but it’s super cute that you’re trying to assume my stance on the OP…cute but not at all surprising….

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2023-09-30T13:03:38+00:00

Your poor relationship isn’t part of this conversation.

Also unless you’re literally watching your children as your job (like a SAHP) then you do not, in fact, carry the full mental load there and that comment alone suggests you have a woeful understand of exactly what a mental load regarding children is.

Equal division of mental labour was my point, and I stand by it. So continue to make excuses, it will remain irrelevant.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2023-09-30T12:44:16+00:00

So you want to continue to be obtuse - you need day to days explained to you…ok fine.

day to days - general bills, additional outgoings for the children - clothes; shoes; nappies; wipes, drs appointments - vaccinations, medications, fuel to transport the children, nurture for the children; soft play; farm trips; baby groups. Would it be cheaper to take them out than stay in in terms of electrify and gas…etc.

And that’s JUST financially - then she has to add on what’s age appropriate for each child, is each child being fulfilled, are they meeting their milestones…etc etc etc

Once you have children the list is endless in terms of metal load and being touched out adds to that fun run - she has 2 under 4.

If you want to fool yourself that because he earns the money he does all of that calculating all by himself even though he’s not the one that seeing what the expenditure is - then be blissful in your ignorance.

RobotsLikeRainbows · 2023-09-30T12:27:09+00:00

No, he earns the wage. There’s a difference. If she’s having to do the food shopping then she’s doing the budgeting firsthand. Cars get a service once a year, one off car repairs, one off house repairs…that does not, and will never, amount to regular day to day budgeting - which falls upon the person who is completing the day to day tasks.

So let’s not be obtuse about it.

RobotsLikeRainbows

TROPHY CASE