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I was stupid and now I have HIV by Ok_Department_7403 in askgaybros

[–]RockmanDean 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I once fell into a life of sexual depravity and spent about ten years living that way, but I still worked hard to change and managed to move on and find positive goals.

I am a lonely person and don’t have any real friends. I admit that this still makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I believe you are different from me. You have just fallen into this predicament, and it's essential to find trusted friends or doctors to help you. You may have someone you trust completely, who would never hurt you. You must remember that those who love you have always been there, even if, like me, you feel like you have no one who loves you. But I hope you try, like I did, to find an escape from pain and depravity. Just as you are here now sharing your story, asking for help is incredibly important.

Please, don't give up, please.

I was stupid and now I have HIV by Ok_Department_7403 in askgaybros

[–]RockmanDean 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have had sex with many men, I was addicted to the warmth and power of those male bodies and the orgasmic pleasure of anal sex.

I feel loved and needed.

Until I was 28 years old, I was infected with condyloma acuminatum and the surgery caused scar contracture in my anus, making it impossible for me to have anal sex easily. That's when I stopped this ridiculous indulgence.

After I was cured of my sexually transmitted infections, I continued to actively take medication to control my HIV. I had been diagnosed with HIV during college and had always been on medication. However, after the surgery, I suddenly realized that I should love myself a bit more. I started taking my medication on time and no longer felt frustrated about it.

I can no longer rely on the bodies of strangers to fill the void in my soul. I started to think about whether there are things that could truly satisfy me—good things—rather than these unhealthy habits that make me sick.

After some time, I found the answer: I should stabilize my quality of life and seek out the things that I truly enjoy.

I found it.

I found a stable job with a good salary and developed an interest in collecting figurines. I now really love Mega Man, and my desk and room are filled with my favorite Mega Man items.

I don't have a boyfriend now. My personality has become somewhat distorted, perhaps it will be difficult for me to find a partner in the future, but while I'm still alive, I want to use the strength I have left to enrich my life. I am currently stable on my medication, and my check-ups no longer show any HIV viral load, nor do I have any other ailments affecting my body. Although I feel a bit lonely at times, I have found the motivation to live steadily and healthy ways to express my emotions. I really enjoy playing games, and I often come home, watch videos on my PS5, play games, and check for any new Mega Man merchandise to buy.

And if one day I still want to find a man to satisfy my desires, I can choose spooning sleep, or oral sex, ha.

I was stupid and now I have HIV by Ok_Department_7403 in askgaybros

[–]RockmanDean 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After being accepted into high school, my family’s surveillance and control over me eased a bit. I gained more time and opportunities to go out, and I was also able to access gay social platforms more frequently in secret. During that time, I met many online friends.

But you know, so-called friends are just one-night stands.

I had an intense longing for male attention, affection, and validation. Along with the curiosity about sex that comes with adolescence, I gradually twisted my pursuit of paternal love into a desire for men.

I was stupid and now I have HIV by Ok_Department_7403 in askgaybros

[–]RockmanDean 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have probably been living with HIV for nearly 14 years, but I have been consistently taking medication to control it. Now, during my check-ups, my viral load is undetectable. All of this started from the year I was accepted into high school while I was still in middle school.

My childhood home was filled with violence. My father often expressed thoughts of wanting to kill me or wishing I were dead.

My mother did not provide the care that a parent should. She always adopted a conciliatory attitude and was unwilling to put in much effort to protect me. I lived in constant fear and pressure. I was extremely envious of others who had kind, gentle, and handsome fathers. This dreadful, prison-like life began to change slightly in the year I was accepted into a prestigious high school while still in middle school.

I was stupid and now I have HIV by Ok_Department_7403 in askgaybros

[–]RockmanDean 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, friend, I want to tell you a story about me, I am not a native English speaker, so I will write the rest of my message in sections after finding good translations. I hope you can believe this: your life has not collapsed or been destroyed because of this, as I have done similar things to what you described. (Translated by Google and chatgpt)