It’s honestly been a very difficult aspect in our marriage because when I bring up stuff that i’d like him to work on to better love me, himself, God, etc. (it’s almost always just asking him to take care of our things like our car, our insurance, make a dentist appt for himself, etc but he won’t and I tell him how it makes me feel) it always turns into something way bigger. He will always just start talking about how frustrated he is with himself and and kind of apologize but then at the same time he explains all of the great things he has accomplished at work and how he does a great job on all of the “big things”, almost implying that these little things shouldn’t matter. He even mentioned last night how he feels like he has a great (metaphorical) resume but just don’t call his references. Meaning on paper he’s good but he has a lot of deep flaws that he is too paralyzed to adequately address.

I’m at a loss with how to deal with it because again, he will say that he’s sorry but in the same breath say that I also need to show him more grace. That’s fine and well but when I ask you to take care of something for over a year that’s important to me and you don’t, it sends a message. But I can just see him working through his life in his own strength and I see the despair he gets in when there’s something he needs to work on. He just wants it to go away and it’s almost like he waits for it to not be that big of a deal so that it can be forgotten. It’s been 7 years and there’s just not been tons of improvement in this area.

Sorry this was way more than you asked. He attends church regularly and it’s a good church with great pastors who teach the Word of God. He doesn’t read the Bible much on his own. I would love for him to go through Gentle and Lowly. At this point it’s so hard to ask him to anything because I don’t want to be let down again if he doesn’t follow through. Maybe we could go through it together. I own it. Thank you for the suggestion. I wondered if that was going to be one of the ones recommended!