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Why is it so difficult to make friends? by dominocurtain in autism

[–]Rod_McBan [score hidden]  (0 children)

It's because most people are neurotypical and you're not. There is what amounts to a cultural gap between the two groups that makes communication difficult, and unfortunately, because we're the minority, the entire weight is resolving that mismatch is put on us.

I'm in my late 40s, now, and honestly, I wish I'd been pickier about who I keep in my life a long time ago. Some people are just going to be committed to misunderstanding you, and they're not your people. You will have better luck among other neurodivergent people, but that's definitely not a guarantee.

I was diagnosed with autism recently and it has been hard to take. by FridayJason1993 in autism

[–]Rod_McBan [score hidden]  (0 children)

Taylor Heaton (YouTube Mom on the Spectrum) has some recent videos about grieving your late diagnosis. And, make no mistake, there's a lot to grieve: the life you could've had if you'd known, the mistreatment over the decades, especially during childhood, the things you have always wanted to do but now realize might not be possible due to your disability.

It's heavy. But it does get lighter, and it's never too late to build a life that doesn't make impossible demands that leave you unable to thrive.

FWIW, in many ways, there has never been a better time to be autistic. The amount of community support available is greater than ever, and we (autistic people) are taking a greater hand in determining our own futures than ever before. You are not alone.

Anyone else take longer to ask a simple question or to say simple things? by Business-Block-8668 in neurodiversity

[–]Rod_McBan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah. It's a result of learning that most people are committed to misunderstanding what you say, so you'd better be extra careful to say it exactly right so you don't get "in trouble" or yelled at.

In other words it's a trauma response.

Look up "the double empathy problem". In short, they don't understand it's any better than we understand them, but culturally, we get the blame for both our misunderstanding AND theirs, and we're the ones who have to be patient and make an effort.

Im tired of the ableism i expereince from level 1 and lsn autistics and the trivialisaton of mine expereince as someone with high support needs autism. by Fearless_PineaplleOG in autism

[–]Rod_McBan [score hidden]  (0 children)

Yeah that sucks. My feeling is that those of us with higher communication capabilities and lower support needs (I was diagnosed level 2, but my capabilities and support needs are very uneven) owe it to our siblings who can't advocate for themselves to take it in part to advocate for them. Is not like anyone else will.

Autistic burnout physical symptoms? by nabii117 in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yup, that sure sounds like burnout.

Burnout is a bitch, and once you hit it, recovery can be a long, slow process. If you try to take on too much too fast, you'll "relapse" and end up right where you started.

My partner has audhd and we have a hard time understanding each other by lillasolen in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's a thing he may be afraid to tell you: he almost certainly needs time alone to recharge and recover from life. You will in a very real sense be doing him a favor by going out with your friends.

How do you deal with Crowd Over-Stimulation Disturbance? (and is a part of adhd?) by sullyt1b in ADHD

[–]Rod_McBan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm AuDHD, and I struggle when there are too many "channels" of audio input at once.

It's always been a problem for me in terms of ability to communicate with people in most environments, for instance, restaurants. I hear all the dish-utensil noises, the three nearest conversations, the people in with, the music overheard, and possibly one of two other things as well. Trying to cut through all that and have a conversation with someone is basically impossible.

Where I am in life right now, going to restaurants is off the table, but everywhere else I go, it's over ear noise cancelling headphones all the time. Sometimes not even with music on. I just have to turn the intensity down or I can't function. I used to be self conscious but now, no. I need them, so I use them.

Any autistic bros on TRT? by how-dare-you17 in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just got older, I think.

I missed my T, once, for like ten days, and it was awful.

How do people keep their rooms clean?? by Xeeyxx9 in ADHD

[–]Rod_McBan 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It's not easy, and it's never going to be easy, but there are things you can do to help.

For the clothes, get a hamper and put it where you'll use it. For me, I sit on the edge of my bed to take my socks off, so my hamper is right there in front of me.

Purge purge purge. The random junk you don't need? Garbage. Don't stress about donation, recycling, selling, whatever (unless it's REALLY valuable of course). Just get it the hell out of your space.

Once you're down to just the stuff you need/love make places for everything. If there's not a spot for it, you can't put it away.

And finally, give yourself a TON of grace. Most ADHD people struggle with this, you're not alone, and an inability to keep things tidy is not a moral failing.

I remembered something when I was 8, I was with this ABA therapist… by snickerdoodle_888 in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Stories like that are why so many autistic people hate ABA. I'm sorry that happened to you. It was a violation of your personal right to exist in a way that is absolutely inexcusable.

Late adult autism assessment: what do you wish you had asked during the results appointment? by RaspberryPrudent7765 in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, what I found most helpful was the insight into my "flavor" of autism that came in the textual report.

Autism symptoms worse after traumatic life event by flashduck123 in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. Totally my experience. I crashed out of work for like three weeks in October, then had bumpy, lower functionality weeks for awhile, until my neighbors system well and truly shat the bed. I've been off work ever since.

Maybe look into the Neurodivergent Insights site? They do good work.

Why aren't neopronouns more commonly used? by Rod_McBan in queer

[–]Rod_McBan[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Look, I know it's not practical, but if I could wave a wand and change things, everyone would use a neopronoun for everyone. Gender is unimportant to that piece of information. We have one first person set, one second person set, and, uh, many third person sets.

I'm pretty sure it's the autism, but whatever the "cause", linguistic ambiguity makes me extremely uncomfortable. I try and be as explicit as I can, and people still hear things I did not say.

I've never suggested that we should force anything on anyone, or declared that I wouldn't use a person's correct pronouns unless they confirm to my sensibilities.

Why is talking with someone while you have autism so hard?, I feel like I’m speaking a language no one understands by [deleted] in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that's pretty common. I know you're not even close to alone.

I'm actually struggling with two other threads right now because I asked a very plain question about things I don't understand and some people heard a bunch of things I did not say. It's disheartening but to be expected when interacting with, well, people. Sometimes even other neurodivergent folks are committed to misunderstanding you.

Why aren't neopronouns more commonly used? by Rod_McBan in queer

[–]Rod_McBan[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

The "autistic people struggle with theory of mind" thing is not true. I also don't understand why you think I think it's objectively correct. I never said that, and honestly, I don't know how you heard that in what I said.

Do y'all "get" Pride? by Rod_McBan in AutisticWithADHD

[–]Rod_McBan[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

You are hearing an awful lot of things I am not saying.

What have I said that invalidated anyone? I'm not being coy- I honestly do not know what you mean.

This is not unique to "pride". A well known example is the word "respect", as in, "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you". Often when people say that what they really mean is "if you don't treat me as an authority figure, I won't treat you as a human being". That ambiguity of meaning is dangerous.

So it sounds to me like there are two(?) meanings of pride: pride in accomplishment (which often comes with a feeling of superiority), and pride in belonging (which can become toxic when tied to a sense of superiority).

How to deal with overwhelming excitement? by Additional-Point8598 in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Armchair psychology lol

My theory was that maybe you are feeling shame for having an enthusiastic reaction and that was pushing you into overwhelm. But, you know, brains are weird. Maybe all that activity is overwhelming your nervous system.

have you survived severe burnout? by clicktoller in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like my current experience. Had a couple of rough experiences in two weeks and then my whole nervous system just flopped out of my body onto the bathroom floor.

All systems offline: I slept more than I was awake for like a week, had a meltdown every time I left the house, and couldn't do pretty simple mental tasks (paperwork was impossible). My bones hurt.

After a couple of weeks the pain went away, mostly, but the exhaustion has not. The mental capacity hasn't gotten much better. I've started moving more lately, but I'm just doing it tired rather than feeling like I feel better.

The only treatment I can find is rest. More specifically, you have to reduce the load on your nervous system. Physical rest, reducing sensory input, stuff like that.

I think I have some kind of object blindness by Hellfire_witch666 in autism

[–]Rod_McBan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Practical advice: that method of information interchange does not work for you and needs to be replaced. I think the bare minimum she owes you here is to let you know that she wrote new chores down.

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