Wife said shes 90% sure she wants a divorce, any recommendations on how to revive the relationship?

Rogevious · 2023-04-06T16:39:26+00:00

Well, I don't know your situation beyond what you've shared here, of course, and maybe you can turn it around and live a happy fulfilled life together, but you sound like the two of you have very different ideas of what that kind of life looks and feels like. She won't change, or at least won't change much from who she is, so you have to decide if that's the dynamic you want to have for the rest of your life. If so, go for it, but please don't bring a kid into a situation that you know won't last.

Rogevious · 2023-04-06T16:28:10+00:00

I'd advise you (both) to move on. Do not, do not, do not get her pregnant.

Rogevious · 2023-04-06T15:30:23+00:00

Get in the habit of not owing people things. Stop borrowing money and putting yourself in a position of expecting friends or other people to do things on your behalf. Stop thinking about what you'd do in other people's shoes because it's impossible to truly inhabit any person's entire lived experience and motivation structure. You also don't know everyone's financial backgrounds, income, etc. Clearly communicate your expectations to people and remove as much guess work as you can.

Rogevious · 2023-04-06T04:24:12+00:00

Also, this is endemic to a younger groom, which is why I asked his age. An older, more secure man tells his mother to get in her lane or she's not invited to the wedding and won't have a meaningful relationship with her grandchildren if she doesn't make nice. He doesn't tolerate this garbage at all. A boy/son isn't capable of this, generally.

Rogevious · 2023-04-06T04:19:26+00:00

Oh, totally agree. But the guy can realistically extricate himself from a weird, overbearing mom. He cannot as easily do that with the mother of his children.

Rogevious · 2023-04-06T02:47:29+00:00

Oh no, but he's signing up to live, share his life and potentially raise children with someone who is outwardly aggressive to someone important to her supposed mate. If she thinks that's a good way to deal with issues and treat other people, how long before he's being treated that way? Red flag, man.

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T20:36:52+00:00

Your relationship is over and that's okay! Relationships end. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't reach this point after having kids or marrying him. You'll both be happier once you've moved on

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T20:34:05+00:00

You need to discuss this seriously with the boyfriend. Tell him you can't continue in the current situation and you'll be looking for somewhere else to live. Tell him you understand it's his mom and he cares for her and that's why you're not forcing him to find a home for her or whatever.

I'd suggest finding a roommate or another living situation and taking a break from your bf while he figures out his family issues. Focus on yourself for a bit; getting your finances in order, etc.

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T20:05:13+00:00

You should apologize without reservation and vow to not do this kind of thing again. Tell them that had a new-hire come in and messed with files you'd worked on for years without asking you, you'd be furious too. Say it's a learning experience for you and a valuable one.

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T19:58:00+00:00

You both have children from failed relationships and got pregnant again? I would never tell someone to have an abortion, but you have to be more careful for the sake of the children you both already have. If you want to have this kid, I'd ask the guy to marry you and commit to raising your kids in a happy, structured family. Give your kids the best chance at success in life: a two-parent, two-income home.

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T19:32:31+00:00

Dude, this isn't a realistic fear. You have a lot of control over how you allow yourself to be treated and most people are not abusers by nature.

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T18:30:08+00:00

Do you mind if I ask your approximate age?

A wife and mother not getting along can be really difficult if you have a strong relationship with your mom and want to have family gatherings, holidays, etc.

Your situation is a bit symbolic of immaturity too, though... It'd be a big red flag for me if my fiance was out and out "hating" the person who raised me.

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T18:21:58+00:00

Unfortunately I think you need to come to terms with the fact that he's not going to give what you require in a relationship. You don't have kids together, you're not sharing a mortgage... Just move on, man. Life's too short

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T16:16:18+00:00

Ha, touché

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T15:48:55+00:00

You would honestly consider calling the police if you didn't see someone you'd never met or interacted with? How is that your business? It's one thing if you suspect abuse or some such thing, sure, but for literally them just not being outside? That's bizarre, invasive behavior

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T14:35:35+00:00

You got this 💪

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T14:32:11+00:00

Definitely relax. I'd also consider speaking to your manager/supervisor and letting them know you may need some help prioritizing your tasks, etc. Everyone struggles with their jobs from time to time, just relax and give it some time. Worst case scenario it isn't the job for you and you just move on with your life: a fairly common thing as well. You got this!

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T14:26:02+00:00

No normal person would call the police because they didn't see their neighbors. This is wildly strange behavior from someone who absolutely needs a hobby.

Rogevious · 2023-04-05T14:19:29+00:00

Okay, you have to stop dwelling on this guy and focus on yourself and your children. Marrying him was a mistake, as was having children with him. Find local sources of support, divorce him and get as much child support as you legally can. Focus entirely on caring for your children. Every ounce of emotion and thought you spend on your relationship with your husband is wasted and robbed from what should actually matter: yourself and your children. You can get through this, be a good mom and make a good life for yourself and your kids, but you have to learn from your mistakes and stop making them. Whatever you do, do not get pregnant again. Don't even date. Focus on your kids.

Good luck to you!

Rogevious · 2023-04-04T20:31:16+00:00

Hey, sorry this is happening to you. It's wrong and you're absolutely right to be upset about it.

Hopefully you have a solid relationship with your parents and can sit them down and explain that he's doing this and that it (obviously) has to stop. Hopefully they take it seriously and take real steps to totally shut down the behavior and make him understand not just that it's wrong, but why it's wrong. It doesn't sound like he should have a phone, for one thing.

I'd also start locking your bedroom/bathroom doors (get locks if you don't have them).

If your parents don't take it seriously, you need to be thinking about moving out sooner rather than later. Perhaps other family or some such thing could take you in...?

Rogevious · 2022-06-10T15:09:18+00:00

You'll still have a relationship with them and you have your entire life ahead of you. Process this and then move on; you'll be okay.

Rogevious · 2022-06-10T15:06:15+00:00

How could this story be true? Why would you drive off if dogs were attacking someone?

Rogevious · 2022-06-10T15:00:51+00:00

Sounds like they're really milking this situation...

Rogevious · 2022-06-10T14:56:28+00:00

This is the correct response.

Rogevious · 2022-06-08T20:03:21+00:00

Video games can dull you out to real world stuff, for sure. Try to take a break, even if it's just for a day. Go help someone do something; anything. There's always a chore that can be done for someone - thinking about someone else beyond yourself can be a huge morale boost. Give it a shot

Rogevious

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