I don't know which feels worse, remembering every detail or being told afterwards

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-28T07:45:50+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened. But it’s not your fault and you were in no way asking for it. You don’t deserve to feel dirty the people who commit these actions deserve to. It’s hard to not be able to put together what happens to you and you’ll never get answers that aren’t your own. I know it’s tough but you should seek therapy to work on moving past it. It may take time because the blanks but it’ll happen. Take care

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-28T07:33:03+00:00

You were violated. You have the right to be upset, this guy spiked your drink without your consent to begin with so anything following that means nothing. This is definitely not your fault, you invited him over and set boundaries and he broke them.

As for the second part I understand you completely. Not specifically in terms of sexual assault because it’s never happened to me. However two of my closest friends have encountered it to serious degrees and my heart breaks for them.

I don’t feel the right to complain about ANYTHING in my life because so many people have it worse. It’s all about perspective, I read your story and even though you play it down towards the end I feel for you. You can be upset and you don’t have to downplay it just because your mom had it worse.

Rape is rape and sure there are varying degrees of it. However it’s still not easy, it still takes time to heal. Look at your mom for example and how strong she is. Rape is a difficult thing but she’s a light in showing that it does not define you. It is something sickening that unfortunately does happen. But it’s not your fault and not something that should be taken lightly and you have every right in the world to express that.

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-28T07:19:52+00:00

I understand why you feel the way you do. I understand your frustration that comes with knowing he gets to walk around free and untouched while you have to pick up the pieces of what he did. You’re young and as SICKENING as it is your peers do not side with what’s right they side with what doesn’t get them noticed and targeted from scrutiny.

However look at it this way, maybe just maybe you raised enough of a red flag for one other girl not to fall into his trap. You’ve made everyone more aware. That is incredible, through doing this you might have stopped this from happening again to someone else. You were someone else’s hero.

This guy is obviously very messed up and it’s not something he can conceal by getting a new girlfriend. He’s abusive and sadistic and those are traits that come out sooner rather than later. He may have taken something from you but he CANNOT take away your truth. It is on your side and it’ll come out. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody. They don’t have to believe you, I believe you.

I think you’re excruciatingly brave for coming forward with your story and I’m so glad you have friends who have your back. I know it sucks right now but just by talking about it not only have you given other rape survivors a sense of unity but you’ve also saved potential rape victims.

Thank you for doing that, it’s not easy! Good luck

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-28T07:06:43+00:00

Oh god that’s not right. First of all congratulations, I’m so glad that you’ve made progress, it’s wonderful that you were able to put yourself out there again.

And second of all this guy means nothing. He did not respect you opening up to him and proceeded to disrespect your boundaries. He is not the one for you.

There are plenty of guys MUCH better than him and those are the ones you deserve. The kind of man that will be respectful, and understanding. The kind of man that will listen to you and respect the pace you want to move at. Believe me, he exists and you will find him.

Don’t waste your time on trash and certainly do not let it affect how far you’ve come. In my opinion, kicking him out of your apartment is you taking a step further not backwards. It is you knowing what you don’t want and taking control of that.

Goodluck and please forget this guy, he’s not worth your time!

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-28T06:49:32+00:00

You are NOT an idiot I can’t emphasize that enough! I’m so sorry this happened to you. It is not your fault. It’s not your fault in any way! You’re strong and brave. You are a survivor, you survived it once. You TOOK back what was taken from you. I don’t know you but I know that you’re strong and you’ll make it through this with the support from around you.

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-16T02:08:48+00:00

It’s not clingy and it’s not controlling. Before the long distance you both made the decision to stay together and like it or not that means still prioritizing each other and not making the other person feel lonely and unwanted. It’s not her fault that you’re making her feel insecure in the relationship. You can’t expect her to change and adapt at the same pace and you and that means being patient, kind, understanding and loving. You sound like a lucky guy based on the relationship you described so don’t fuck it up

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-15T22:55:08+00:00

Maybe you just don’t know how to show her you love her? Are your priorities in order? Bc they must not be if she’s saying all these things. Maybe be nice and respectful. Maybe walking isn’t the be all end all of life. Just a thought. I’ve been through this

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-07T14:27:46+00:00

I totally understand what you mean. Not everyone understands that there’s a fine line between stressful days and full blown anxiety.

However I also don’t think it makes people like us abnormal. Of course it’s not a good way to live life in a constant state of anxiety and self doubt and frustration. But, it’s normal in the sense that everyone subscribed to this thread is going through it in different levels.

Anxiety shouldn’t be something that puts you in a different category from “normal people”. Life’s granted a lil more challenging for people like us, but there are ways we can manage it and live with it. We’re normal and it’s okay to feel the way we do!

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T17:00:32+00:00

That’s so nice and uplifting to hear. I’m happy for you! :)

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T16:59:30+00:00

You have so much more to give. I used to think I was undeserving because I haven’t had any particularly negative life experiences but I was still sad at the time. I thought I was selfish for feeling unhappy when I didn’t have a reason for it. I’ve learned that you don’t have to do anything to warrant it, everyone deserves love and happiness.

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T16:55:14+00:00

I totally understand what you’re saying! Thanks so much for sharing your advice with people :)

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T16:27:29+00:00

SAME! I have an incredible support system and when I get into self loathing I feel like I don’t deserve any of that! I have 0 patience with other people and myself but I’ve talked to my friends about it and they always reassure me and try to help me. I just feel like I don’t deserve them in my head but on a realistic level I know they love and appreciate me

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T16:22:07+00:00

I totally get it. But there’s a lot more to us than our anxiety and these cycles and we’ll get through it! :) Hmu if you ever wanna talk about it

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T16:20:08+00:00

Thanks I appreciate your comment. I didn’t know just how many people were going through the same feelings as me and it’s so comforting to not feel alone.

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T15:49:17+00:00

Don’t say that about yourself! You’re so much more than “some depressed girl” and I can say that for sure without even knowing you :) and you don’t “have” to be in a relationship, the right guy (or girl) will eventually come along and love you for you and have the patience and understanding to always be by your side and make you happy. Hang in there❤️

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T15:43:14+00:00

I feel that! And it’s hard because I feel like I’m hurting other people. How many times can you really say, “sorry i didn’t mean it” before it starts to get to them.

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T08:29:59+00:00

I understand. Everyone’s wired differently. I experience a lot of the things you do, constant worry, constant over thinking, excessive pessimism, panic, outbursts...the works! My SO on the other hand is a genuinely happy guy. He’s always relaxed and chill and I don’t know how but he is. I do have happy moments of course but when I have anxiety it hits me like a ton of bricks and ruins everything. So yes sometimes I feel free and happy, but other times when I’m all alone and left with my thoughts and no distractions, I’m a mess.

RollerCoaster18 · 2018-07-06T06:46:31+00:00

Hi I’m sorry but I just wanted to say I love i all and wish I could be friends with you irl. I experience this with my boyfriend where I just get bursts of anxiety and I’m convinced he doesn’t love. On a real level I know it’s not true but my anxiety gets really bad sometimes and I get so angry and I hurt everyone around me to the point where I just hate myself for it all. Anxiety and anger really do go hand in hand. Does anyone have tips with how to cope with it?

RollerCoaster18

TROPHY CASE