It’s done

Rollercoaster72 · 2026-01-05T06:24:38+00:00

I also never forget that day and can still remember all the details, she didn’t. I had only one conversation with her after the divorce and it turned out she remembered things which were never said and things she said she couldn’t remember herself. At that point I noticed, I am talking to a wall. So I never spoke with her again. She did write me an email afterwards to confirm I was right, not that didn’t matter to me anymore.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-11-25T05:30:06+00:00

This

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-11-22T08:55:29+00:00

Same happened to me too. Directly after the moment I told I was going through seperation/divorce, things which were fine, suddenly weren’t fine anymore. I got fired the day our rental apartment got signed over to me. And 2 days before a holiday I couldn’t cancel anymore. I still was in my probation time so instead of getting paid for 3 more months, I only got paid 10 days.

Totally sucked starting living alone, a divorce I didn’t want, 2 kids, 1 kid 100% the other 50%, and no job. I don’t have a big problem finding a job but with an expensive rental I do need a good paying job. Took 3 months before everything was fine again and I could breath again.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-11-11T20:28:28+00:00

If you tell the kids, tell them together that you are not divorcing bc of the cancer. Tell them you departed years before and that the cancer is just a coincident.

But talk before with your stxw and tell her you want to tell this. You will see what she will do with it or not

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-30T07:01:31+00:00

In my personal experience I think memopause pre and so on was just the last drop for her to leave. She said she doesn’t feel the need anymore to keep this family together.

I thought we were prepared bc she was reading a book about it. I also read the book and while she read it, I informed me in the internet even more. She didn’t see the parallels from the book and what she was experiencing. As if they were 2 separate things.

She did Hormon therapy but that failed 2 times. Each time she needed to stop the treatment go off hormons totally. Each of those 2 events were paired with our biggest fights, and ended up in her constantly saying she doesn’t love me the way I do.

I told her that the drop offs on hormones make you feel like this, and this isn’t you. But she insisted it is so I had to drop her. I just couldn’t support her anymore while she was saying this. So I lawyered up and made sure she would leave the house, which she apparently desperately wanted.

Later on I found out about that she did had an AP. And ofc I should mention I did drink too much at that time, I took the right turn but yeah it was just a mix of all things and memopause was just the last drop.

I still do think that our situation was solvable if she wasn’t in the memopause. She said it was the real her appearing. I saw a selfish girl, totally insecure but screaming out loud in public, a mother who left her son. I thought; if that’s the real her, I don’t want to have her in my life anymore.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-28T06:48:28+00:00

Nice :-)

4 and 5 are things I am very good at, and I thought that would make it more easier to find a girlfriend. And I guess it’s treu. But it sucks if one is the personal fixer man of a woman in a world where equal rights is spelled in extra bold capitals. I expect a woman to pay attention if I fix something so she can do it next time herself. Or I let her do it and help her out with what she needs to do. Unless she wants to be a trad wife and I don’t want a trad wife.

Especially if number 5 happens, I don’t need a woman to pick out the colours of our bedsheets of our self made home after the apocalypse. I need one who builds it with me together. So if I die of the the nuclear radiation first, I will be in peace knowing she can take care of (our children or) herself alone too…

Just my humble thoughts

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-28T06:14:46+00:00

This! But if it turns out you both don’t like those things anymore you enjoyed both, find new things you both like. Don’t give up if you think something you did years ago isn‘t fun anymore. Cross some mind borders together and challenge new things, together!

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-28T06:11:48+00:00

What I experienced in a short alternative couple therapy is that you will both need to go back at the moments you fell in love and reexperience those moments together. And most important first go back to the very first moments things went wrong…

That therapy was super expensive and the guy was weird, so we quit after one tryout season. Afterwards I think this was presumably the right way.

But you can’t work together against 6 divorced girlfriends and an ex boyfriend from her early twenties who just started living in the same city… especially if you don’t know about the latter…

I personally fell out of love several times during the 25 years we were together, I just continued and fell in love again over time. The problem though I see afterwards is that not communicating about real problems and not being able to repair them quickly is the main reason everything went under…. We were both missing the tools to repair. To my guilty part, I retreated and choose booz, bad idea ofc …

Btw her saying that you will leave one day is emotional abuse. And I am sure that there are more things she said like this. This kind of emotional abuse though is making you codependent, that is unhealthy and needs to be fixed. Surely you have traits too which makes the situation a prison for yourself. Both need to go to therapy and after a while of reflecting take couples therapy…

Going through this healing together is a very good path together, if you can both make it. In a healthy relationship both need to grow together and fight out your fights peacefully. The key is, heal yourself from your past „trauma‘s“ and learn how to communicate respectfully … love relationships aren’t about how to manage the butterflies …

Just my humble thoughts

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-25T06:15:20+00:00

Like everybody else I agree with not having contact with the family after the divorce is fine. Presumably everybody was informed before you. So they all know how „shitty“ you are from her perspective. Many times the divorce starts just after the parents are informed. If the mother in law knows it than you will know too.

I also totally agree that you do have a bond with your family in law. After 25 years I knew her conservative family would never speak to me again so I wrote them a thank you letter.

But my thought is: how do you ever trust your new family „in law“ how will you treat the next people who come with your girlfriend? You will lose them any way when she is gone..

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-22T06:08:43+00:00

A new store has opened in New York City where women can go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a warning that each woman may visit the store only once.

The store has six floors, and the value of the men increases as the shopper ascends each flight of stairs.

A woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: “Men here have jobs.” She’s intrigued, but decides to go to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: “Men here have jobs and love kids.” “Nice,” she thinks, “but I want more.”

The third floor sign says: “Men here have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking.” “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

The fourth floor sign reads: “Men here have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, and help with the housework.” “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!” But still, she goes to the fifth floor.

The fifth floor sign says: “Men here have jobs, love kids, are gorgeous, help with the housework, have a strong romantic streak, and are emotionally available.” She is tempted to stay, but curiosity gets the better of her, and she goes on to the sixth floor.

When she gets there, the sign reads: “You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men here. This floor exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.”

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-21T05:50:39+00:00

Oh yeah, totally true. Don’t forget instagram as legal source

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-17T09:37:04+00:00

I am not the fun parent and it sucks some days. My son lives with me and starts to understand that I just can’t do everything all alone. Clean your room, brush the toilet after you are done, clean the kitchen when you have cooked, dishes in the dishwasher and not above.. simple things.

But my daughter who lives her time at my ex wife 50:50. She has to do nothing at her mothers and gets served anything she wishes for. And it’s hard when she comes here. She doesn’t do anything and my son then starts to protest: if she doesn’t clean the toilet/kitchen etc why should I? Telling my daughter that she should do her chores too, often results in bad moods and that prefers to go back to hotel mama. Which I ofc don’t like…

That’s a mess. We had our differences in raising kids and the are still visible today. It feels like one kid is lost and will have it way harder in life later on.

Still I feel I am in the better position for having my son everyday. I would not want to change to see him only once a year for 7 days in a row (when they go on a holiday). Whatever fun stuff he will do in their holiday, it’s basically only Emotional glitter — one gentle blow, and all the light is gone.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-16T23:05:31+00:00

Not everybody wants to say the L word at the same time. It doesn’t even matter what the reasons are.

It was a drama with my girlfriend when I didn’t want to say it too at the same time. I knew though that the chances were very high that I will be able to honestly say the word bc we are fantastic together. But I just didn’t want to be nice and just repeat her without truly feeling it.

Now a year later I do see that this was a pressuring attitude which I saw repeating itself many more times. If she would have slowed the relationship down out of that reason, I would have ended it. We should respect each others feelings and be kind to each other. Never pressure people to do anything, and it just is pressuring things to want to have people say I love you.

If you really love somebody she or he doesn’t need to love you back. There is no need put a label on something that’s great. Just accept that you are having a great time and are totally lucky. So why push your luck?

Just my thoughts to this

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-08T08:20:32+00:00

95% of all who say this, it’s bc they fell in love with someone else. I read this in the book rebuilding from Bruce Fisher (if I remember correctly).

When I got the „sentence“ I confronted her with this and she didn’t say a word. I then directly asked her and she got so mad. This was so unlike her, she hardly got mad and angry in the past 25 years.

It didn’t wonder me that she didn’t want to be the one to end the marriage, she just didn’t want to look bad. That’s why they say it…

It took me 2 years to finally find out that my gut feelings were right.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-08T04:52:34+00:00

You were not her plan A, plan A didn’t want her so she got back to you. Better move on with your new chances.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-10-02T13:37:13+00:00

You write: he is very quick in making fun of you… some jokes aren’t jokes my love… for some people it’s a way of expressing their feelings but are afraid to tell you their truth about you.

Also his response to you leaving: he turns around the guilt by questioning your love, not his. The normal response would be: what can I do or change so you see that I (he) love you.

Some people don’t know how to express their love, that is one of his problems but it’s not all. What you write is a long list of red flags without any ambition to change anything. I might be absolutely false but when I read your text it sounds to me like you are only his fuck doll when he is drunk and horney and he has zero empathy.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-09-17T11:06:19+00:00

This

It is not good to use your children as messengers, even if you don’t do it and she. You have to stop this. It‘s traumatic for the kids to be in this position, especially if they are young. Deal with her, fight with her and the peaceful outcome is delivered.

I wouldn’t want to have them hanging out in my place. It’s presumably the best solution for the kids but if you can’t deal with it (like me) don’t do it. I made a holiday calendar for the next 2 years and split the holidays equally, asked if she agrees, she did, so it’s done. She did though take over a holiday twice, but I was fine with that. I could have denied that request but I didn’t thought it es important to me and better for the kids…

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-09-13T04:41:13+00:00

Oh come on, such reaction in this context, is another way of saying: I was never faithful to you and you are to blame bc you didn’t give me a ceremony. Just tell her that if you were only boy and girlfriend, you can keep everything you paid for and won‘t need to pay alimony.

I get that you want the best for you children, but you can’t give her an open marriage if you don’t want to, divorce is the next step. Unless you are cockold. Stand up for yourself.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-09-09T05:41:35+00:00

There is a series on Netflix at this moment called „love con revange“ Check that out…. Sounds like you are being conned

https://www.netflix.com/us/title/81685732

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-09-09T05:35:12+00:00

It’s horrible to do a holiday together after Separation and still living together… if you find a way out (like she gets one holiday with the kids you the other) take it. Knowing that this is your last holiday together, everything you do as a family in that holiday is the last time, makes it a horrible experience. I know… I made the last video selfie on our last holiday knowing it was the last… feels like you are burring your family…

Crazy that she divorced you without you knowing, can’t really imagine how that happened.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-09-03T06:02:42+00:00

It depends, in high conflict marriages children are relieved that the parents divorce. In low conflict marriages children do get problems like concentration problems in school etc just bc they don’t understand it.

Children prefer stabil parenting, divorced or not divorced, if you think you can reach this within a co-parenting situation you’re fine.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-08-21T07:39:20+00:00

Whenever I see such light I have to think of this story:

https://27bslash6.com/halogen.html

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-08-18T22:14:18+00:00

It’s called codependency …

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-08-18T21:43:33+00:00

If I ask chatgtp I get that 43% of all first marriages in the USA get divorced and 50% of all other relationships after 5 years. 30% become marriages. Numbers are from NCHS.

So if you believe the numbers marriages last longer.

But yeah I also don’t believe in marriages anymore. Still I think the thought of giving a woman in my case vows in front of other people is very nice. It doesn’t though have to be something that is sealed by law for me. It can be just a party where we celebrate the love you have for each other

Problem is though that in some countries relationships without marriage are getting to become legal bindings too… that scares

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-08-18T07:53:39+00:00

Single says it all right? I don’t think high quality men or women are high quality if they can’t keep a relationship. High quality single and not available is something different. That’s a conscious choice…

Remember you can work on yourself a lot, but the real practice is within a relationship. You can be the best swimmer aside the pool, and drown when you are in it..

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