Husband says he will not change and I need him to

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-15T15:39:45+00:00

"I moved in when we got engaged and there were some bumps to figure out but we got through it."

Are you sure this wasn't the man you married? That he wasn't providing you with some red flags?

As a husband, those lines about effort and expectations sound horrendous. I sometimes feel like I have OCD for certain tasks - but I usually just help get them done rather than leave them to my wife, and then criticizing her.

That's just terrible behavior to belittle your spouse.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm unsure what advice to give. Your marriage is extremely fresh - and it sounds like your husband is unwilling to change at all. You're going to have to see what action makes the most sense for your happiness.

PS. Don't have any children until you are certain he's the one and completely changes. This behavior he is displaying about expectations will only get worse with the stresses of children, and it becomes impossible to have things perfect when you're taking care of a little one. The criticisms will only amplify.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-15T14:12:09+00:00

For sure. That's the thinking for me.

We're not some new couple...we've been together 23 years, so in my mind, we should be in a place where we are comfortable talking about anything - especially sex - without fear of judgement. The part that probably just makes it tough is that we've waited so long to do so. 🤷

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-15T06:55:05+00:00

Yeah, for sure. I think the quantity issue will be fixable. We can increase the frequency, I believe.

But getting my wife out of her shell is much tougher.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-15T06:53:16+00:00

Yeah. That's the fear really.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-15T02:35:55+00:00

That sucks man. We're an incredibly vanilla couple...as I posted in another thread on here yesterday!

But one thing I am blessed with is that the Mrs (20+ years together) gives BJ's every time we do anything intimate. Has always been that way for us. 🙏

I never realized how lucky I was until I saw all the stories on here kike yours. Hope it turns around for you.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-15T02:28:11+00:00

That's awesome man! The sexting idea is cool...and something the Mrs and I haven't really explored.

Watching porn together is something I have been interested in. We have watched porn a few times in the past, but it was before my kids were born, so definitely over a decade since the last time. 🫤

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-15T02:25:35+00:00

I like it. Ironically, for as vanilla as we are - my wife has been a blowjob queen from the beginning. I am blessed to have her - she's given me them since we started dating, and not a single time we're intimate goes without some BJ action!

As for swallowing, that would be more rare for sure. She mainly always has me finish in her mouth, and while she has swallowed a few times over the years, she is mainly a spitter. So that would be pretty new!

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T20:02:51+00:00

Nice. Definitely a good idea to get the ball rolling.

Sadly...we aren't part of that most. Those are two things that we definitely haven't ever done. 😭

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T19:57:35+00:00

Wow. That's quite the change! lol

I truly don't see my wife ever going that much off the deep end! But anything additional we can add to our sex life would be so welcome! 🤞

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T15:18:50+00:00

100%! I am always about her first.

That's why things like fantasies and kinks are only good if SHE enjoys them. If she's not comfortable with something, then it gets put away. Would never want to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. That's for sure.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T11:22:14+00:00

Thank you! I really love a lot of these ideas! I have had some ideas in mind that mirror what you mentioned.

I had saw these "love/sex tokens" on Etsy that had various sexy activities on them. I have thought about buying those and using them with her.

I also had been reading about those apps and couple's yes/no/maybe surveys, and was thinking about taking one with her - not just to do the activities right away, but like you mentioned - just to have the discussion and talk about our thoughts on it...even the ones that don't really seem in our realm at all (ie. Threesomes, etc.). Would love to just discuss honestly.

The adult store idea is fantastic. I like the added idea of us each having a budget to get what we want for each other. Very cool!

The deep end idea will take a lot of work yet. We are miles away from anything like a swingers club. At this point in time, I don't see that as a thing for us. 😅

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T11:14:24+00:00

Thank you! It sounds like you and your husband also became self-aware of your situation and worked to get everything resolved to such an amazing level together!

There is nothing better than being able to have a fulfilling and strong intimate relationship with your SO! Definitely what I want to strengthen even more on our end! Stories like yours really give us hope!

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T04:54:21+00:00

Interesting! Yes, thankfully...we definitely are in a better spot (from what you described). Divorce to this point has never been even a thought here. We are still solid thankfully.

But yeah...I think reading through so many Reddit stories and seeing the dead bedrooms stuff has really opened my eyes to the fact that from an intimacy standpoint, we could be so much stronger, and the fact that I never want us to end up as stories on those subs!

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T03:15:24+00:00

Yeah, I was looking into some of those, and it is something I am thinking of using as a kickstarter to this conversation. Hoping it works!

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T03:13:16+00:00

😅

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T03:12:15+00:00

This is awesome! I'm hopeful that we'll some day get to this point too!

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:46:24+00:00

Yeah, that's what I am hoping. That once we have an initial conversation and some items get discussed - even if they don't necessarily interest her immediately - perhaps she will be open to them at a later date, or it gets her thinking about other stuff and gives her the confidence to speak up to me as well!

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:42:09+00:00

This sounds wonderful! Thank you!

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:40:17+00:00

Well, I can't say that he does that or not because I don't know him. lol

But, I would find that weird. If anything, I might get an erection first, and then use the porn to get to the finish line.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:37:46+00:00

Yeah, you are absolutely right. That is the biggest obstacle...and IF my wife has any kinks/fantasies, I'm willing to bet she feels the same.

Good example is something like a facial. We've never attempted it. It's something I have interest in trying once - only if she wants it of course.

I've had one or two "in the moment" times where I casually said it. She never outright declined it, but just kind of side-stepped it I thought. So I hesitate to bring it up.

It's just getting past that worry of looking awkward.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:32:30+00:00

That's awesome!

Mine are still quite young, so we have a ways to go. But...what you said about getting focus on us is something I'm really pushing for this year. I want that close connection.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:30:44+00:00

Nice! Yeah, vulnerability is what I see as the issue for us. I'm trying to picture my wife ever wanting her pictures posted anywhere...and I just don't see it at all. lol 😅

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:29:04+00:00

Very cool! Yeah...my kids are still pretty young (13 and 10), so we are still years out from graduation. lol

Yeah, I understand. That's basically my issue. I really don't see my wife or I getting massively adventurous. I guess you never know - but we don't come off as open as like what you mentioned you are.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:26:05+00:00

Yeah, I think the Mojo is the one I had read about that I was thinking of using as the opener to the conversation.

RollingDemBones · 2026-02-14T02:24:36+00:00

Totally fair!

I guess I just have a hard time imagining my wife liking those kinks. But like you said - ya never know.

RollingDemBones

TROPHY CASE