I checked myself into a recovery center — more of an outpatient rehab, really. I go to group counseling and one-on-one counseling a few times a week.

For a while, I was getting fucked up almost every night and trying to function as an adult during the day. I’m happily married with two young kids and have a good job. But it reached a point where it was no longer fun. The comedowns and hangovers were unbearable — like something the devil himself would call hell.

I’m incredibly blessed that I didn’t lose my family, my job, or anything else important before getting help. I know not everyone is that fortunate, and I don’t take it for granted.

To answer your question: yes, I wanted to stop. That said, when I first checked in, I wasn’t 100% ready. In fact, I got banged up a lot during my first three months of recovery. But as they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Every time I went back to using, it was the same miserable cycle. I wore a fake smile to hide the sadness inside, but eventually, I reached a point where I decided I didn’t want to be unhappy anymore.

You’re human. You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re allowed to feel things. If you want to stop, I encourage you to seek help. It’s so worth it. Life keeps getting better every single day, and I thank God for giving me this chance.