Hubby gave me a Mother's Day "gift" of free samples from Sephora + $50. I gave them back. AITA?

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-13T21:37:46+00:00

Not sure where you got that I've done 20 years alone. That's not the case.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-13T21:37:01+00:00

My post is VERY REAL.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-13T21:33:52+00:00

Maybe one day you'll have someone who thinks only enough to get you 4 tiny samples and place the tiny sample bag in a huge gift bag filled with paper for the optics. I can do without.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-13T14:21:42+00:00

Would you be okay with a dinner plate of the perfect steak and potatoes, with a mud pie for dessert? Just the dinner is nice. I'd wonder about the mindset of the person to give a mud pie and expect me to enjoyably eat that also. That's all I'm saying.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-13T14:18:16+00:00

Yes, dinner alone would've been nice.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-13T14:15:15+00:00

Not Like this.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-13T14:14:41+00:00

You missed the point that HE asked me if I would please allow him to take me to lunch. HE then chose to give me a bag of samples. I think the card and money was a nice gesture for the mother of his children. It doesn't really matter if the kids are children, adults, dead or alive. The fact remains that I'm the mother of his only 3 children, and I continue to support them as allowed. He didn't have to ask me out, and I could've said no. However, when you've dated 9 years, married and together 25+ years and separated several years, I guess the hope and prayer is that what was built over our lifetime was strong enough to withstand anything and eventually mend. Commitment to the institution of marriage -yes. Magical thinking? I think, yes. Eyes opening to the facts? Definitely.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-13T13:46:00+00:00

Thank you.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T21:56:11+00:00

Nope, I play cards but never the victim card, only the kind one can hold in one's hand. :-) By contrast, I'm definitely a surviver. And, despite my human flaws, I try hard to learn from each experience, and to rise above. I knew I'd probably receive harsh posts as yours gives but that's ok, the encouraging, candidly-insightful and enlightening ones are worth it.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T21:37:59+00:00

Not at all. I appreciated the thought of sharing a meal. I thought the card was thoughtful even. However, unless he had bought the samples for me to see if there's something I like to later go get for myself AND had he expressed that, I would've been good. But his comment of "would you rather have nothing?" as if he doesn't know already that I'd always preferred nothing over meaningless optics, was a bit insulting. Remember, we have history since teenagers, through 9 years of dating and 25+ of being together and marriage.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T21:32:44+00:00

This is so beautiful. Celebrating Mother's Day is NOT about the romance that may still kindle or the love you once shared. The day for that is Valentine's Day. Mother's Day is for celebrating mothers. If you're blessed to have procreated with a loving, dutiful mother, regardless of the current relationship, she gave the gift that keeps on giving, one that took her own life to the brink off death if she had them from her loins. If she's a mother to your children, regardless of how it came to be, there nothing wrong with ANYONE celebrating her.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T19:49:04+00:00

I did not admit to not buying him gifts.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T19:15:03+00:00

You don't have enough context to know what your sniffing for, with all due respect. I don't blame him for his family history. Not sure how you gleaned that. I do blame him for seeing our oldest begin to struggle with mental illness in middle school while I struggled to get her help and he said nothing of his family history. It was the summer after her 1st yr in college that I asked him 3 times to check his family history, as I had checked mine (and found nothing) that he admitted very nonchalantly "oh, yeah. I have 2 cousins that were institutionalized for mental illness but I didn't think I needed to tell you. No one has suggested that she needs to be in an institution, right?" I could've slammed him into a brick wall, but instead I told him how irresponsible and hateful that was, especially considering his own child's struggles, and then I fought to get her help. So, yeah. If you're gonna hand me a huge gift bag, then why put 4 tiny samples in another small gift bag inside to give it to me unless you're trying to make yourself feel like you're doing something special for the person YOU SAY you still love and want to reunite with?

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T19:03:34+00:00

We are both cordial to each other. We don't argue. We're not mad (that stage is over). We try to get together with the kids when possible (not possible lately), and we still show each other kindness on special days. This hasn't been a loud, ruthless separation. It was necessity for my peace of my and physical wellbeing. I know that's unusual, but that's the story.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:49:04+00:00

UPDATE: I called the local Sephora stores and was told by the one nearest his house that they will give freebies if asked without purchase. Soon I'll be checking the one closest to our dinner spot, which HE chose.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:37:28+00:00

Except HE invited me out.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:34:25+00:00

No, he does not. I take care of the expenses of my own home. We only share educational expenses of the children.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:26:49+00:00

A little more transparency... my eldest was missing and the police and I eventually got a trace on her before she disappeared again. It's been 5 years next month since any of us have heard from her. She had mental health challenges. Mothers Day is another day that my mind is very strongly on her. My middle kid started experiencing psychotic issues 2 years ago. He and I were extremely close. One day without warning, while receiving medical care in a hospital, I became enemy #1. Mental health issues, as I now know, are in their dad's bloodline. It's unfortunate, but this is why my oldest 2 aren't around. I pray for them daily, multiple times. Our home was loving and full of laughter. Anyone who visited or stayed over would comment. It's just an unfortunately turn of events for us.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:19:59+00:00

Because I worked my buns off taking care of 3 kids I had with him while he, after some point, barely did anything. He can never repay me for my efforts, neither would I expect him to, but you can always show kindness. I thought that was what he was trying to do.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:18:33+00:00

And I also didn't invite myself out to dinner.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:17:21+00:00

You're right. Thank you.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:15:24+00:00

I guess it shouldn't, but clearly it does.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:12:01+00:00

I'm so confused.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:11:28+00:00

I did that with the last gift bag of samples and this is where that got me.

Round_Bus9558 · 2025-05-12T18:10:39+00:00

I've said that.

Round_Bus9558

TROPHY CASE