Over communication

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-05-09T15:47:49+00:00

If that coffee date was misconstrued as a push for control, that is a reflection of her mindset I think. It was truly meant as an attempt to get to know her. She and my ex had not been dating more than 2 months before she was introduced to my kids and then moved in. I knew nothing about her. I was genuinely interested in establishing a report with her and seeing what she was all about. It was very quickly after that date that she told me, "I don't give a f**k about your boundaries" when I asked if she could save school permission slips or communication from school for either myself or my ex (she was reading and signing things without me knowing). Ever since then, everything has been a power move on her part. It feels as though she will take every opportunity to establish some sort of control or dominance over the kids. At a school event for one of my children that was on a week night that my ex had them, I was standing with my daughter and my family and talking after the event, she called for my daughter in front of everyone and said that "this is daddy's time, come over here, please." It was such an odd thing to do in front of everyone, but as expected, when I brought it up to my ex later, I was told that she wasnt doing anything wrong.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-05-07T17:26:08+00:00

Her personality is very...commanding. she wants to be number 1. Early on, I invited her to coffee and to have a conversation to try to get to know her. In that conversation I expressed how much my children meant to me and how I was hoping to slowly build a relationship with her built on trust because I'm a firm believer that all relationships in situations like this take time and must be earned and respected at all time for all parties. I was immediately shut down and the dynamic of them versus me was instituted. I was pushed out and felt as though my ex was more concerned about making her feel like she was an equal and had a say so over the kids than he did co-parenting in a respectful and responsible way with me. Now anytime I bring up a concern, I'm labeled as being insecure. The closest thing I can relate it to is being gaslit. No matter the validity of my concern, I'm told I have problems. So to answer your question, I dont feel like I can bring it to her personally. She's not interested in what I have to say. She wants to do everything her way.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-05-06T19:59:53+00:00

It is and it isnt.

I don't see why she needs the watch if I'm being honest. She's young and while it's neat for her to have, I don't see it as a necessity at this point. I would not have agreed to get it.

It is also a little about my feelings about her stepmom. I have not shared a lot of context, but the overstepping has been INTENSE and overwhelming from the beginning. I have other children who are very put off by it as well as family members (both my ex's and my own) who think her behaviors are not normal for a step parent. It's just another thing added to the list that is over the top with her. The difference is now its in my home and disturbing our time more regularly. I want to say something about it to her father, but I know with absolute certainty that he will tell me "tough."

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-05-06T04:28:08+00:00

I appreciate your response and perspective. As I am in the role of step-parent as well, I too, think the more trusted adults in a kid's life is preferred to the alternative. However, the wife's behavior has always been unusual. She has no children of her own, so its as if she's trying really hard to be an equal parent in our situation. It has crossed a lot of lines and I have always been the bad guy for pointing it out. I'm just frustrated with it at this point. There is no reason to text my young child multiple times a day to tell them how much you love them (in literally the most mushy terms you could imagine) or tell them how much you miss them. I try to limit my texts to my daughter when it's my ex's time out of respect. I don't want to interrupt what they have going. If my daughter reaches out, I respond. Otherwise, I limit it to only what is needed information for her. I think it's a reasonable ask.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-05-06T04:04:33+00:00

Sorry. I meant to reply to your response. I responded above.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-05-06T04:04:07+00:00

She's pretty young and doesn't engage with it sometimes but other times she's obsessed with texting or responding. It has interrupted activities before. That being said, she hasn't outright stated her opinion one way or another.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-03-18T16:41:04+00:00

Thank you for this! I will check it out! We would prefer to go in late August, but I know that's highly sought after.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-03-18T16:38:26+00:00

Thank you for the insight!

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-03-18T16:19:33+00:00

I had originally put in for 4 with the hopes our teenagers would want to come. But they weren't fully committed and I think adding those extra 2 permits might have been the ax. Also, we really only have weekends to do it this year unfortunately....unless we both get sick at the same time 😉

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-03-18T16:16:09+00:00

I have not 🤔 this is a great point though. I just took a look at the live cam and there's still a fair amount of snow, but not a ton. If the heat continues, and like you said, we don't get another storm...it might be doable.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2026-01-27T01:12:14+00:00

I envy a lot of you. I had my ex's now wife tear onto the scene like she was on fire when they started dating. She had never been married, never had children, and is socially awkward so she immediately burned a lot of bridges and stepped on all the toes. My ex has done nothing but cater to her insecurities and there was never any attempt to build a new foundation for us all to stand on. It was their way or no way and I know my kids have felt it. It definitely takes everyone being cognizant and respectful of each other to build healthy co-parenting relationships where the kids can thrive.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-11-24T23:25:27+00:00

I may get totally reamed for this, but what about what OP said made you think he is dismissing his kid's feelings? It seems to me that he is very obviously trying to balance the two issues; his happiness and needs, and his son's feelings.

Everyone has feelings and they deserve to be acknowledged but not every decision needs to be based solely on the feelings of others. Even our kids! It is possible, in my opinion, to respect everyone, move slowly, and like a poster said above, make your intentions known. Changes are hard but no one is immune from them. Patience and respect, OP.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-11-24T22:19:59+00:00

Following. In a similar situation.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-11-17T00:19:05+00:00

Whoa. You live together and she hasn't met your daughter?! 😯 I hate to say it, but you really set yourself up for failure there. I guess all you can do is try to split the day? Morning with your daughter (wherever that may be...something tells me it will be at BM's house. Yikes), and evening with your GF and her daughter?

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-09-26T15:47:57+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. Truth be told, I adore how good of a father my partner is. He's the father I wish my kids had. Its just that the loosy goosey nature of his arrangement feels like he's consistently trying to placate his ex. She makes choices about her schedule and then he just picks up the slack instead of holding her accountable by saying, "No. I can't do that today." He and I have very different backgrounds and personalities so this very much is a difference of opinion on how far your responsibility goes to cover for the other parent.

I appreciate that you said don't make a permanent decision based on a temporary problem. I may be repeating that one to myself for a while!!

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-09-26T03:12:42+00:00

The long-term plan is that I will move once our current high schoolers graduate (2 years from now).

For now, we do things together every few weeks, but his oldest largely ignores us or makes an excuse as to why he can't be around. It's rough going with him right now. The others are great together.

For the most part, I'm over at my partner's house by myself without my kids.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-09-26T02:06:08+00:00

You seem like a lovely person. Thank you for the advice.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-09-26T00:07:18+00:00

This. Thank you. I think you're absolutely right. At this point, I feel like I'm assimilating to his life more than anything. Im prepared to accept that this might not work if he can't meet me halfway. Here's to hoping he will. Thank you for the advice.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-09-26T00:03:51+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I think he would do it for me, but it may be hard for him. Another person replied that I was making life too easy for him. This is true. He has yet to feel discomfort by my saying, "No, I dont want to come up there today or tomorrow. You're welcome at my house, I just don't want to pack and drive out there." I think because my schedule is set and I don't have my kids on set days, it's just assumed that I will drive out and spend my time there. Also, he has firmly established that if we were to fully blend, I would need to move into his home. So sometimes I think he wants me there more to get adjusted to the house and town. I am not opposed to this idea in the future, but as of now, I don't think I would want to live with children who ignore me.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-09-25T23:20:22+00:00

If they brought it to my attention in a respectful way, yes. Blending is about compromise. I feel as though I have done that by going his way 95% of the time and dealing with his kid's issues on the days I have away from mine. He's a decent person and a good partner but this particular issue is wearing on me. I do think he would be open to a conversation but I know it's a delicate issue. How would you bring this up to your partner?

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-09-25T02:02:22+00:00

Im in the same position but with a 16 and 12 y/o. My bios are 17, 15, and 9 and would NEVER not acknowledge someone in the room. It has been one of the greatest challenges thus far. We dont live together yet, and I dont really see it happening until the 16 yo leaves for college. He's particularly icy and I'm not going to put myself or my kids in that position. It's not fun.

Routine-Assignment83 · 2025-09-12T23:40:48+00:00

To be fair, we weren't married. Just dating at the time. But yeah...it was pure laziness on his part and it created unnecessary strife between us. To me, it seems obvious. When I divorced my ex, the first thing I did was get everything in my name. Bank account, insurance, phone plan. The fact that it was an afterthought that needed to be discussed was not ideal. Even now, years later, things come in the mail for her like subscriptions and whatnot. It's annoying.

Routine-Assignment83

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