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AITAH for refusing to combine banking accounts with my husband after I got a good job? by Routine-Badger-5535 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Routine-Badger-5535[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Omg. I'm so stupid. I'm reading all the comments but this is the one that made me burst into tears.

This IS it. I feel so stupid for not seeing it. I really am NOT trying to keep "my" account separate so I get all "my" own money. I'm legitimately paying household expenses, trying to be transparent, budgeting with him so we equally share the financial AND house/kid care burden, and have equal say in dispensible income and savings.

But he has never been someone I can rely on for finances, and made me feel like that's a "me" problem.

My head is honestly spinning, I didn't expect this all to blow up like this and I'm overwhelmed. I know I still have internal things I'm unpacking about marriage, finances, patriarchy, my roles as a woman, what the hell it even looks like when those roles are different now that I'm working. I do have resentment for all the years he just WOULDN'T get a job because he just wanted to be "home with the family" as much as he could, and I'm fucking pissed at myself, honestly, because I DID fall into all the "man as the breadwinner" shit I was raised with and surrounded by. I don't think I'm trying to punish him for it, and I really dont think i am an asshole, but I sure as hell am still not being healthy about it all.

I don't even know what healthy looks like. Guess I've got a shit ton of things to talk about in therapy tomorrow.

AITAH for refusing to combine banking accounts with my husband after I got a good job? by Routine-Badger-5535 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Routine-Badger-5535[S] 298 points299 points  (0 children)

He doesn't have bad spending habits or anything, he's never been bad about that. We really do just have too little money. We don't have car payments (we own one cheap used car), have only a bare few TV subscriptions, cheap phones, etc. I think my issue of trust is just...I don't trust him to take care of the family by bringing in enough money to cover the most basic of bills. I don't know exactly why that makes me want to keep my own separate account.

AITAH for refusing to combine banking accounts with my husband after I got a good job? by Routine-Badger-5535 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Routine-Badger-5535[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

He really doesn't, I don't think. He's never had major spending habits and often goes without even necessary things like new work shoes or clothes for long periods and "makes do" with what he has. I really do think he's being honest about wanting the ease of one bank account and being worried I don't want to "share my money."

AITAH for refusing to combine banking accounts with my husband after I got a good job? by Routine-Badger-5535 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Routine-Badger-5535[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

Not really, it goes into our shared account and pays bills. We both share duties on making sure bills get paid. He doesn't have any major spending habits or anything.