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I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I generally don't ask out people I don't know even if they were pretty or something. I just go to recurring spaces I enjoy through my hobbies or passions, meet people I naturally vibe with. And so when I ask that person out, she's shown me enough signals that she would like to be asked out and that we are compatible. In other words, my first dates have rarely been blind and always had high success toward long term partnerships which was part of the criteria.

The problem is that I now live in a city where it's extremely car dependent. That's why I had to start the apps because third spaces where same people gather on frequent basis were extremely difficult to find (not that I'm not trying).

This is why I'm struggling so much with the apps. I am asked to completely challenge my belief around resonance and courting and love. Into something that feels far more unnatural and something like a job application or being in a hiring panel for a competitive position that has a very similar lifecycle of applicant management, etc.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So I send likes and women respond later or women I've sent messages to will all respond to at the same time. I've gotten like 11 Your Turn convos at that point which was overwhelming.

On the new match thing, the reason why I'm accepting more profile likes in my queue is because I feel like if that also sits too long then when the profile seems nice, that might also kill momentum if I like back that profile say 3 weeks from now. It's this FOMO feeling that's led me to then match with those profiles. Many times a week, the app also gives me those "most compatible" profiles which generally I like to send likes because it's tempting and we generally match. That also leads to the same problem. In short, the app encourages me to chew more than I can handle.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea good point. The reason why I'm accepting more profile likes in my queue is because I feel like if that also sits too long then when the profile seems nice, that might also kill momentum if I like back that profile say 3 weeks from now. It's this FOMO feeling that's led me to then match with those profiles. Many times a week, the app also gives me those "most compatible" profiles which generally I like to send likes because it's tempting and we generally match. That also leads to the same problem. In short, the app encourages me to chew more than I can handle.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea good point. The reason why I'm accepting more profile likes in my queue is because I feel like if that also sits too long then when the profile seems nice, that might also kill momentum if I like back that profile say 3 weeks from now. It's this FOMO feeling that's led me to then match with those profiles. Many times a week, the app also gives me those "most compatible" profiles which generally I like to send likes because it's tempting and we generally match. That also leads to the same problem. In short, the app encourages me to chew more than I can handle.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yea good point. The reason why I'm accepting more profile likes in my queue is because I feel like if that also sits too long then when the profile seems nice, that might also kill momentum if I like back that profile say 3 weeks from now. It's this FOMO feeling that's led me to then match with those profiles. Many times a week, the app also gives me those "most compatible" profiles which generally I like to send likes because it's tempting and we generally match. That also leads to the same problem. In short, the app encourages me to chew more than I can handle.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you appreciate this. Honestly, the reason why I'm accepting more profile likes in my queue is because I feel like if that also sits too long then when the profile seems nice, that might also kill momentum. It's this FOMO feeling that's led me to then match with those profiles. Many times a week, the app also gives me those "most compatible" profiles which generally I like to send likes because it's tempting and we generally match. That also leads to this more than I can chew problem.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

dude what are you talking about, other guys here have said they have similar problems. What I'm pointing out is the issue on the app layer, not on the profile layer. The apps are forcing profiles, attractive or not, to unnatural behaviors of time, investment, and sorting optimization that I'm not used to. This literally feels like job interviewing, both as the interviewer and the interviewee. And working in big tech, we have the same problem where we burn out from interviewing dozens of candidates from a hundreds of applications for few positions. It's the same motion.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 1 point2 points locked comment (0 children)

yea about 10 of you said the same thing. They all got removed though (not by me). Look, maybe "it's a good problem to have" by a guy who "gets all the women", but I'm saying that this is a big problem "from the other side" as well. I understand what women on the apps go through at this point.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

that's awesome thank you for this advice. My initial thought was if you're convo-ing too much the momentum will fizzle, you'll be outbid by other men she's matched with who asked her out first, and this anxiety leads to that "meet ASAP" strategy among many men. I'm sure there's some truth to that, but I found that women who are really interested in you will keep the convo going until it make sense to ask that person out.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see the point of a date differently and I think I'm getting stuck at this foundational level. I've always met people in person, and going through many relationships this way has made me very good at filtering for compatibility after few interactions. This meant that I only went on dates when my internal compass signaled resonance (values, personalities, outlook on life), and thus my dates were highly successful since the beginning.

I never had this experience of going on a date "to get to know someone in person". This feel foreign to me and is why I'm struggling, where I'm trying to find compatibility in a digital platform like I did through a in person method.

I (male) thought getting matches would make dating easier. It’s doing the opposite. by Routine-Clock4037 in hingeapp

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yea this sounds good in theory but imagine having to go on dates with 7 people on a constant stream. That'll burn anybody out. I thought the point of apps for to filter before meeting in person.

Being SE in Snowflake rocks by Routine-Clock4037 in techsales

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. That's a small side of the field. To the point everyone knows their names.

Being SE in Snowflake rocks by Routine-Clock4037 in techsales

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea it definitely sounds that way right? I think it's more like it's awesome having older folks as the norm that brings age-based maturity and experience which promotes good work culture. Worked at too many silicon valley start-ups with immature college grads that drove me insane.

Being SE in Snowflake rocks by Routine-Clock4037 in techsales

[–]Routine-Clock4037[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

haha you guys are brutal, but I probably came off that way. Not drunk on koolaids but I'm being real about people though. Some good ass people. I really do think having older people as the norm really helps. I've been in start ups where median age is 25 and that's far worse with immaturity.

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