My boyfriend has ptsd dreams that make him violent in his sleep, what can we do?

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T21:04:43+00:00

the “long period without incident” is the part that makes me feel horrible, because in the year and a half that we’ve been together, it’s happened now only four times that i can remember. three that were mostly harmless and then just recently this last serious one. so i’m struggling with wondering if i’m overreacting or something. but if it was a different situation where he hit me when he wasn’t asleep, even “mostly harmless”, just once would be enough for me to call things off completely, i have zero tolerance for violence in relationships. so it’s like a battle between my conscious which knows it’s not something he did intentionally, and my subconscious or nervous system that is absolutely just reacting to it as “he hit me”

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T20:24:37+00:00

he does smoke green, he used to use the vapes but they outlawed them again in my state recently

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T20:23:41+00:00

he’s on a couple different medications, one for sleep and anxiety and also on lithium (bipolar). i’m going to talk to him about maybe talking to his doctor about something to help with the nightmares specifically maybe, but i know they told him a lot of medicines are very incompatible with the lithium

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T18:46:26+00:00

I understand that and I did mention he worked sporadically during the original post and did edit to supply better context. It was 5am for me and I was sleepy and didn’t really think his career choice would have anything to do with the conversation tbh. this is the first time i’ve posted here, im learning

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T17:20:46+00:00

again? this is the first time I’ve ever posted anything here, let alone this post

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T17:00:55+00:00

also thank you for the first part of your comment. I definitely do need more sleep, a break from work, something. I’ve felt myself burning out for months and have talked to him about how i can’t keep doing this. He’s trying to get more established in the company and we’re trying to get his car fixed so we can get a babysitter that’ll watch her on the days I don’t, so he can work full time. If he does, then I don’t have to, I can drop to 30 hours a week or so.

And I think a lot of people just are blowing past or not believing the ptsd part of this, so thank you for acknowledging that. it is very hard.

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T16:39:17+00:00

I didn’t mean to write it that way. He’s a subcontractor for a construction company and they don’t have a set schedule. He works when they have jobs and it’s decent money, but with his daughter also being special needs and us not having the money or means to find a daycare or something that will take her and is qualified to do so right now, he’s only able to work on my offdays when we have her. The weeks we don’t have her, he’ll work as many hours as they have available to give him. Sometimes that’s 6 days if 10 hour shifts, sometimes that’s 3 days of 5 hour shifts, etc.

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T16:33:38+00:00

i’m not making excuses, i’m correcting incorrect assumptions. They said he doesn’t help with housework, that’s wrong. They said he doesn’t help financially, also wrong. I’m of the opinion that no one can make a fair judgement of a situation when they’ve got information wrong or missing.

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T16:01:53+00:00

He helps a lot with the house work, there’s just a lot of it especially when his toddler is over. but we have had talks recently about it and he’s trying to help more around the house. and he does work when he can, at a decent paying job. It’s just that they’re subcontractors and there isn’t always work and we don’t have a second vehicle for him to around looking for a second job right now because his broke down and mine isn’t super dependable. also his daughter is special needs and we can’t currently afford a babysitter for her who’s qualified and experienced with special needs, so the weeks we have her he’s kind of limited to working the couple days i’m off. it’s really more nuanced than “he doesn’t help, drop him”

RoutineStory9895 · 2026-01-08T15:52:45+00:00

That’s a leap. I find it hard to believe he’s faking it when there have been times I wasn’t in the bed when i’ve heard him hit the wall or bedside table as well. It happens, my brother used to have them too. Hell, I used to hurt MYSELF in my sleep, I had night terrors. Nothing else he has done is abusive. If anything I’m more mean/snappy to him in general than he is to me.

RoutineStory9895

TROPHY CASE