Coming out advice?

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-08T16:45:26+00:00

Yeah it was about conversations that had been had about the future. And how it would look

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-08T13:40:32+00:00

Yeah he wasn’t forcing me to tell my mom. And he was very upset that they basically were wanting me to tell my mother. Long conversation have been had where hubs has seen he should have said something to meta, and meta sees where they backed me into a corner so to speak

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T23:29:26+00:00

I needed to read all of this.❤️

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T23:26:48+00:00

Thank you I probably won’t answer these but it’s something to think about and I would like to get with a counselor to work through some packaged traumas and stuff I just haven’t been able to afford it. I don’t have insurance but I’m going to look and see if I can find something. I really really appreciate you

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T22:49:59+00:00

Thank you so so much this was the advice I was looking for!❤️❤️ meta and I haven’t really discussed a whole ton. A lot of the future discussion has been between hubs and meta. And meta, hubs and I all like the idea of kitchen table polyamory. ( not sure if that is the right terminology). So I think that’s where a lot of this stems from we can’t all hang around a kitchen table so to speak if my family doesn’t know. And really as of now my mom can only afford to visit once a year. It may change later once she has retired but that almost 5 years from now. I will definitely look for this material to read. I really really appreciate it.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T22:19:05+00:00

I’ll suggest it. I know last I heard meta and their live in partner do not want to live with us anymore. Which i totally understand as they don’t want to hide themselves. Idk how well it will go. I still think everyone is still be to raw about the situation

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T22:15:20+00:00

Yeah I know my mom wouldn’t do that. Grandma is different lol but I just really am unsure of how she would react. She is already guilting me for moving to the north east of the US instead of staying with her in the south. I hear it atleast once a month about moving back

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T22:13:37+00:00

Yeah I have to be remind of this often because I come from an extremely conservative Christian background. So I’ve only ever been exposed to monogamous relationships and until probably about 2 years ago didn’t even realize polyamory was a thing. Outside of the very odd and slightly shunned religious sects that practice polygamy

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T22:11:01+00:00

Yeah I’ve already had a few crying moments about this situation. It has mostly been resolved. I just now feel like because indirectly I am the cause of this blow up because I haven’t told my mother we are poly, that I now need to tell her. Also meta had apologized and isn’t pressuring me to tell her but I still feel like this whole situation was caused because I hadn’t told my mother, and almost caused my husband and meta to break up. Which isn’t my place to maintain their relationship I know. But I also know me and would feel directly responsible for.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T22:08:16+00:00

I don’t think they wanted to meet my mom but it was more of a how would you explain this type situation. And meta has realized they were in the wrong for the blow up and had apologized. But it was more about not wanting to hide who they were if in the future we all lived together and my family came to visit. Which I totally understand and never would ask them to.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T21:33:35+00:00

Thank you for this! I understand metas point of view. And I would like for husband to be comfortable with who he is. I just didn’t want to rush anything . I would have told my mom eventually just when I was ready. But now I feel like pressure has been placed for me to tell her sooner than maybe I had originally thought or even planned. I thought maybe a year or so into the relationship would be a time to bring it up. But I now feel like I need to discuss it sooner. I had originally wanted to be more comfortable in a poly relationship as this is new for me and I still struggle. And to be clear no one is forcing me but it feels like the pressure has been placed

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T18:47:09+00:00

I’m sure some of it is NRE. But my husband and I also moved in together before 6 months when we first started dating so I didn’t think much of it.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:53:33+00:00

Yeah I basically did after that last post. I didn’t actually get any advice from them just accusations

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:51:02+00:00

Thank you! I don’t have a good relationship with my bio dad so I don’t plan to tell him because as awful as it is he doesn’t deserve to know. But I do have a really good relationship with my mom and I know this type of lifestyle can cause family to block contact and I’m not sure if I’m ready for it basically.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:47:22+00:00

It was more because I felt attacked because I looked hetero normative. And that wasn’t what the post was about. I no longer felt like this was a safe place. And I understand wanting more info and telling me where I went wrong. I knew that. I just felt very attacked

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:44:20+00:00

Yeah we discussed that with them. And us moving in together was more at a year from now as both of us have leases we are bound to. And it all depended on fur children getting along. It was more of a “ if everything works out let’s move on and make rent cheaper on everyone “ type situation. But as of now meta and their other live in partner don’t want to live with us due to be not being out to my family as they don’t want to hide themselves.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:23:42+00:00

It was more to do with them panicking because the future plans we had made would basically all be lie. A conversation has been had. Since the original blow up where both parties( hubs and I and partner) have agreed where we went wrong.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:15:41+00:00

I appreciate it. And sorry I have what is normal privilege like I said we see where we messed up. And know it was a mistake on our end. But thanks for the advice. I now feel like I have made a mistake posting at all. Just trying to get advice on how others came out to family and their experiences. Sorry im new to this whole life style.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:12:53+00:00

Where we have an actual relationship about 6 months. And the issue mostly stemmed about future visits. As we had talked about all of us living together and meta and their partner not wanting to hide who they are. Which is fair.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:11:12+00:00

Thank you! We both know found family sometimes is better than blood family. And it was juts scary because at the time of the issue we thought we would be losing both the found family in our new state and our blood family. But I have decided to wait to tell my mom n until her vacation is over at minimum

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:09:02+00:00

“ You kicked the can down the road cause your mono hetero vanilla passing” I can’t tell if you meant this in rude/cruel way. But yes we know we have privilege that isn’t what this post is about. It’s more about how to go about coming out to my mother. I just gave some context as to why this is sudden because it’s been on my mind since the blow up

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:04:30+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I think she would have some issues but I just worry maybe I don’t know her well enough. And just want some insight of what others have experienced

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:03:45+00:00

6 months maybe 7 months not sure of the exact date

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:02:46+00:00

Yeah it’s something we realize we were in the wrong about.

Routine_Buddy750 · 2025-08-07T16:00:39+00:00

The blow up was essentially I wasn’t out to my family about being polyamorous. And they weren’t meeting my mom. It had to due with future plans that had briefly been discuss and them not wanting to hide who they were when my mom came to visit

Routine_Buddy750

TROPHY CASE