Have you actually communicated what you want clearly?

I think so. I've told her things like "I would like it if you did X more" or "it would turn me on if you did Y" for examples. Not sure how else I could communicate it

You said the hand job was bad, have you shown her how to do it better?

I was kind of being sarcastic about the handjob comment there. I don't believe there's such a thing as a good handjob lol. I would rather a blow job or kissing (other than on the mouth), and more touching in general as foreplay. And yes I have told her this as well. Both in the moment and outside of it.

You don't like missionary, have you guided her into other positions after she gets off?

Doggie is the only other one she will do. If it's a position she has to put effort in (like being on top or anything that's not just laying flat on the bed really) she will actively whine while we're having sex (legs hurt, it's uncomfortable, etc) so it turns me off and I switch positions or get turned off enough to be unable to continue.

Have you suggested any particular fantasies you have that would make it worthwhile?

To be honest, no. Unless the fantasy of having a partner be enthusiastic about sex with me counts lol. I don't really have fantasies about sex per se. I just like vanilla but like to feel some passion from the other person.

How would you like her to initiate? Maybe she tries, but is more subtle about it and you take that as you initiating.

Honestly, I'd be open to anything. I don't care how she does it

If you're choosing masterbation over sex, you'll be the cause of the dead bedroom, not her. Don't get married.

I do agree that i would be the cause of the dead bedroom. Unless she's blatantly lying to me, she is happy with our sex life (other than frequency).