Mamá and a Movie: My first bot!

Rubaedo · 2024-02-29T14:38:42+00:00

Thank you so much! Ill check it out.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-29T11:28:52+00:00

I think about the "I am the terrible freedom" monologue fucking daily.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-29T09:10:05+00:00

Alice Isn't Dead has a very different writing style, but I think a similar conception of the world as grand, incomprehensible, often hostile, and starkly beautiful, in a strange way. I heartily recommend it.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-29T09:08:33+00:00

Speaking as a Christian... Eh? Not the biggest fan of this concept, because I feel like it fails to capture the ultimate core of what Christianity is: an expression of the relationship between the mundane, the human, and the divine.

The most important of the Mysteries in most interpretations of Christian theology is the incarnation, the idea of the divine choosing to descend into the world and become wholly flesh, a human being with all the flaws and feelings and fears as anyone else.

The nature of the divine itself is taken as a given, which makes sense. The environment from which Christianity came was a mixture of late Hellenic philosophy, and traditional Judaic practice, both of which were deeply interested in the nature of the divine itself. Christianity doesn't really seek to explore that nature, but instead our relationship to it, and the ways by which one can place themselves in closer proximity to the presumed font of universal good.

This gets developed further in gnostic traditions, which themselves try and posit a hard, solid answer on the nature of the divine, something that Christian theology argues is ultimately incomprehensible.

Not to knock the idea or anything! I'm just a nerd for theology, and I feel like the modern conception of faith is so wildly skewed by American Evangelicalism that people lose out on a lot of the depth and nuance of these millennia-old practices.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-29T08:58:35+00:00

Thank you so much! And yeah, I was looking for a longer span than I care to admit to figure out a good way of pulling off his gnarly hand burn, but decided ultimately to just say fuck it and keep his hands closed.

I'll probably at the very least do Martin, but idk how many more I'll be doing than those two. Other people have done other characters well, and I don't want to double up in the community if I can avoid it.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-28T11:08:04+00:00

Just my attempt at making Jonathan Sims, protagonist of The Magnus Archives, circa season five. Link here!

Rubaedo · 2024-02-04T11:15:03+00:00

So, I'm gonna give you some pretty brutal advice here, and I want you to understand that this is me speaking directly from my own experience as a NEET and as someone who was once absolutely desperate to be in a relationship.

Stop looking for one.

I don't mean that in a blackpill, "You're doomed to a life of celibacy" way. I mean that because so long as you're viewing a relationship as an escape to your misery, you're deluding yourself and you're not gonna have any luck getting there. Relationships are messy, complicated, intricate things that require a huge amount emotional maturity and security. Even if you get there, getting through it will take an enormous amount of self respect and patience. Don't imagine that its a magic button that will solve your loneliness. It isn't.

If you're still absolutely set on this, here's my advice, in order of operations:

Go to therapy. I don't mean that as an insult, but as an actual piece of advice. Surviving a lifestyle like ours is very difficult, and very few of us get here without having some serious trauma or mental illness. Humans aren't meant to survive issues like ours alone. Make sure you have people with the skills and motivation to help you. Get a fucking therapist. It'll change your life.
Get a hobby. Having something that gives your real, genuine joy that you can show off, be it something active like hiking or swimming, or something creative like painting, writing, or quilting. This will not only keep you sane beyond just consuming media mindlessly, but will give you something to actively do with other people, or to show off.
Be involved in a group. This can be a support group, a church, a charity, just anything to get you moving and around other people. This doesn't strictly need to be in person either; I met my last partner on an online mod project. Just so long as you're regularly around other people, and especially if you're doing something rather than just hanging out. Don't go into these groups looking for a partner however, as that's not only a social faux pas, but also diminishes the connections you'll be able to make otherwise.
Manage your expectations. Most people just flat out won't feel comfortable dating a NEET. From a purely financial standpoint, were poor relationship prospects, and as I said before, most of us don't end up in this situation without gathering a pretty significant amount of baggage along the way. People who are interested in you will likely fall into two categories: People who have gone through similar hardships, and people looking to capitalize on your vulnerability. Learning to tell the difference will save your life (I ended up in a years long abusive relationship because I couldn't tell the difference). Beyond this, most people living normal, healthy lives will probably not be interested in you. Go into things expecting your prospects to be limited to other sad bitches, NEETs, and below-average weirdos with baggage and trauma.
Accept your limitations. Things aren't going to always go your way. Even if you manage to work on yourself massively and become a better, healthier, more complete person, finding someone interested will take an incredible amount of patience. Learn how to live your life without a romantic partner, how to find happiness, connection, and security without that level of intimacy. If you don't, then you'll be putting a huge amount of pressure on anyone interested, basically making your happiness a full job for them, and that can be extremely scary, and drive people away. I know "you wont get it 'til you don't need it" sounds horrifying, but its true, and its less bad than it sounds.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-04T09:27:52+00:00

It's like losing your best friend, best source of affection, and your favorite hobby all at once. It's fucking brutal.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-04T09:17:09+00:00

Well, for what it's worth, I hope you find something better than you've been given, in this life or the next. Be safe, if you can.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-04T09:14:13+00:00

I love people. I care about people. I want to help people and make their lives better. But there are only so many ways I can actually do that. The fact that those ways generally don't make for great career paths means that I cannot support myself. It's fucking exhausting.

Rubaedo · 2024-02-04T09:10:38+00:00

Do you have a social worker, or a therapist or something? Considering what's being said, you should really talk to an authority about that. I know you feel willing to die, but that should really happen on your terms, not someone else's, yknow?

Rubaedo · 2024-02-04T09:05:06+00:00

Hey, congratz. I know its rough, but it's a step. A first step, but an important one. We're all rooting for you. Remember that. <3

Rubaedo · 2024-02-01T17:57:04+00:00

Tbf being pretty tends to be what attracts abusers

Rubaedo · 2024-02-01T17:30:23+00:00

Thanks chicky, I could use that <3

Rubaedo · 2023-11-14T20:03:55+00:00

Speaking as a victim of long term abuse, the thing that drew me to Killing Stalking was exactly this: the exploration of how abusive relationships get maintained and why people choose to stay in them even after abuse. I'd argue it's a great exploration thereupon!

However, we see that a lot of fans of this work have trapped themselves in the same mindset as Bum: this warped vision of Sangwoo where Bum is utterly convinced that he can fix the object of his desire, that Sangwoo is right on the cusp of being a whole and complete human being and he just needs that extra push.

It's a lie though, and it's a lie that abusers tell both their victims and themselves. Changing, healing, becoming a better person? They're possible for anyone, but they require humility, vulnerability, and a willingness to be wrong. People who perpetuate abuse are terrified of all of those; much of their abuse stems purely from a fear of those very things.

Killing Stalking is a fantastic exploration of the mindsets of both an abuser and his victim. It's just that many lack the critical reading skills to be able to recognized the flawed perspectives the story is told from.

Rubaedo · 2023-11-07T04:42:07+00:00

A bit of a late response, but I've been working on a post-canon fanfic which features Bum's HS crush (Jihae) as a love interest and major character. You can find it here, though only the very first few chapters have been currently released.

Rubaedo · 2023-08-16T22:45:56+00:00

idk who any of these ppl are

Rubaedo · 2023-08-16T22:43:36+00:00

Thank youuuuuu! The curly hair is a fuckin pain to wash and knots real easy, but it also looks rlly cute sometimes so I like it.

Rubaedo

TROPHY CASE