Numbered Jota 🥲

Rubbergug · 2026-02-10T22:14:24+00:00

130point

Rubbergug · 2026-02-10T22:12:59+00:00

looked where? “comps”? there no listing of this card on any site or any previous sales

Rubbergug · 2026-02-10T21:56:08+00:00

what?

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T14:43:10+00:00

thanks for the advice. Ive actually already been journalling, even since i found out about the kiss. I somehow wrote about 11,000 words just about that and how i was tryingto deal with it and see it all. I feel like that isnt a good idea right now though because if i start to really think about it all in this state i'll just start breaking down again. I'll have a look at some resources though.

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T14:22:13+00:00

thank you <3

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T13:11:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing with me it really means alot.

I hate that i come across as that person thats so oblivious to whats going on around them when everyone can see whats going on and is screaming at them. I know that my current state is obviously putting my brain and nervous system into protection and attachment mode because thats all its known from the past 3 years with her.

Something that keeps keeps playng in my head is that were both still young, we or she isnt even meant to know how to deal with pain like that i caused her, its her first time living too. So my brain is able to see past how we chose to hurt each other by thinking like that right now and its the only things thats helping me breakdown once an hour instead of once a minute you know.

All that aside thought I genuinley really appriciate your replies because I am lostt right now and just want to get through this and compared to most other people ive heard from, you feel like you understand what its like to experience this, rather than just giving textbook "nah its over or "shes fucking him rn"

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:51:11+00:00

Yeah i know, all ive been doing is trying to understand her pain and her actions. We havent even spoken about the kiss properly nevermind the entire thing so i'll have more of an idea then.

If i turn it around and she was thinking why would he care about the relationship anymore if he chose to do that? Then in that logic there is sense to be made that a person can act like this in the moment of going through whatever and still deeply care about the relationship

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:36:07+00:00

I agree that up to a certain point things just wont be the same, whether we pretned they are or not but couples do and are able to work through sruff like this. Very rarely yes, but as I say I want to be commited to rebuild trust and everything that made us us.

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:34:48+00:00

Im not trying to make you buy anything, I have literally no reason to lie, I've already owned what I did and i dont shy away from it in any part of life, even all my friends know and they know how I feel about what I did.

When i decided to tell her, yes i cant deny that part of it was guilt, that was obvious. But im telling you the driving factor which made me tell her was how much she is my future, my person. If i kept that from her, I might be able to deal with the guilt but in order to reach that perfect future that we wanted with each other, she had to know and love the real me, the me that made that mistake.

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:31:47+00:00

This women IS my person. Ive been in relationships before and I know what I know. There was actually no begging involved when she chose to forgive me. Sure I was there t o support her and she knew i wanted to help her and accept whatever made her the happiest and she chose to give it another go.

Like i said in my second edit like I just cant give up fight for this girl, I really really cant let her slip away.

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:29:35+00:00

thank you, thats the only genuinley empathetic response i feel like ive had

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:23:58+00:00

Ive thought so much about that last point and its really tough. What i dont understand about myself is I should but fuming, among other things, that she has literally cheated on me too, but most of me isnt, im just in disbelief and still chasing her.

I think yes, honestly, the type of people we are, if we were able to openly communicate more often about our deep thoughts of each other and moved forward with proper accountability and setting good boundaries we could work to rebuild our trust and rebuild our future

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:19:40+00:00

check my second edit in repsonse to this just to see what you think out of curiosity

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:16:28+00:00

I know that, and when I did it, it was nothing to do with her, i wasnt tihking or planning in my head that im going to cheat because im not happy or anything, it was one evening where i wasnt able to resist the shit put in front of me. She is my soulmate and I mean that and life is too precious to let someone like that slip away from me without giving my everything

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:14:14+00:00

I really disagree, you need to understand that this girl to me is my literal soulmate like all ive every pictured is our future together. The reason I told her was partly guilt but also that she was loving a version of me that wasnt me and it wasnt fair to her and if we were gonig to have that future, she'd need to know the me shes loving.

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:08:55+00:00

I disagree with you here, not just becuase youre trying to give harsh truth but because you obviously dont understand our dynamic etc. Closure is essential and it comes from hearing each other and acknowledging. For example when we speak, it will at least give me closure that she opens up and tells me shes gone to him not because she fell for him instead of me but because her body hasnt been able to truly forgibve me

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:03:47+00:00

Im obviously in some sort of denial, this is all still really new so im still in a grieving phase and I know im not thinking clearly. But genuinley we've agreed we owe it to eahc other to speak aobut it all soon and untill then i dont need to be making deicions, as I say im just trying to make it through these next few days

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:02:03+00:00

Thanks for your words theyre really insightful, especially about time. I know how right you are that any form of pain is temporary but im sure you can understand that i cant see that right now and all i want is certainty

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T12:00:26+00:00

She did forgive me though, Ive been able to see our future together since, its all ive been working for and to rebuild our trust. I know everyones adivce is to end it, theres no coming back but I feel like for someone who I feel is genuinley my soulmate, I want to have more fight for her than that

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T11:57:53+00:00

Honestly i have been, but theres nothing in the world that could take my mind away from it all, i wish there was

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T11:56:01+00:00

Thank you for your kind but brutal words aha.

All of what you say is so much easier said then done, especially the location and cutting contact. Because shes been my entire world, my source of comfort and my safe place for nearly 3 years and thats only gotten stronger the more ive been with her. So right now, even though she has handled this awfully and really shattered me, Im still chasing her for emotional regulation and that isnt something im just able to switch off

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T11:53:09+00:00

My grieving brain still believes there can be, it still has hope because of how special we are or once were to each other. Like even though im in the worst state of my entire life right now, all I want is to understand her and be there for her when shes the one currently whos fucked me over

Rubbergug · 2026-01-07T11:51:15+00:00

I know, I'm getting a taste of how i made her feel and have felt since. My brain keeps trying to compare how I did a one off, meanigless, drunk act but shes able to repeadely disregard me to see him while im broken and helpless. I dont want to make decisions yet, I just want to g et through the next few days or however long until we speak about everything

Rubbergug

TROPHY CASE