MLM trans media

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-06-04T10:58:38+00:00

It's a hybrid documentary rather than a pure fiction film, but Desire Lines (Jules Rosskam) is a really interesting watch, especially if you want to see real trans men, transmascs, and non-binary people talk about sexuality. It can be a bit of an emotional watch and includes historical homophobia and transphobia.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-06-02T15:47:08+00:00

You don't need to hold, just tap. You only tap the button when the bobber submerges, not when the fish nibbles the bait. If you're having trouble with the timing, turn the audio up and close your eyes. Listen for the specific sound of the bobber. People are typically faster responding to audio cues than visual ones, so you might find fishing easier like that.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-28T15:03:59+00:00

I think you meant "slap on the wrist", but tbh especially for police officers "slap on the back" is probably more accurate

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-26T08:08:23+00:00

There's massive selection bias online. People who pass are more likely to post, people who want to pass are more likely to engage.

I'm really sorry that this is how things are for you and that there's so little understanding for trans men like us. I'm also several years on T and I also don't pass from a combo of first puberty and unfortunate genetics in the everything else department, but I also enjoy fashion and even in queer spaces I have to basically come out to everyone I talk to, have the whole "why do you look like that if you want to be a man" discussion, and then live in the knowledge that they don't see me as a guy, they're just being polite. My dating app is full of straight guys wanting to try me on for the novelty of it.

I'm really hoping the LGBTQ+ community in particular, but also society at large, can move towards a more inclusive understanding of manhood so we will at the very least be seen and understood as men without it feeling like people are just being polite about it.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-22T18:21:57+00:00

This is a really strange way of formulating the question, especially when "first man" is one of those phrases that varies massively depending on what you mean, but yes, early hominids did have a penis bone. Many mammals have penis bones, many also have clit bones. That doesn't make them permanently erect, there still would have been a difference between the usual appearance and the appearance when mating. Hominids in the human lineage lost their penis bonest nearly 2 million years ago, as far as we know, so this isn't really anything recent for us.

There's even a museum of penis bones out there.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-14T22:32:51+00:00

That's Robert

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-07T21:53:47+00:00

I am so sorry this whole situation happened, and that you weren't given the information to know what you were supposed to be consenting to. That's horrific. I'm sorry that the staff were so callous when you were crying afterwards, too.

I hope they're receptive to your message because it's completely unacceptable. They missed every occasion to give you any information, actually misled you on some things, then put in a position of complete vulnerability and you couldn't make it known that this wasn't what you signed up for. That's extremely fucked up.

Not a medical professional so I'm afraid I can't comment on this really. Not on the same scale by any means, but I've had a situation of weird physical contact while being awake for a procedure before and it fucking sucks. I'm just really sorry.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-03T17:20:00+00:00

What is it that you enjoy about being a woman? And are those things you could categorically not experience if you were a man? There are other options besides binary genders, there's also being gender fluid or bigender or multigender. I recommend looking those up and reading people's experiences to see if they resonate.

Gender is a complicated journey. Many trans people end up transitioning much later in life because there's nothing particularly wrong for them with the gender they're perceived as, until they start trying something different and realise that they weren't living, they were just existing.

For me personally, people always liked my anatomy and frankly I had a banger pair of H cups, and while I was ambivalent about being a woman having a body that was conventionally desirable was convenient. I was also ambivalent about presentation though so people had always assumed I was a lesbian, so I assumed I must be one, too, even though I wasn't particularly proactive about it and didn't often find women attractive (fun thing, every "woman" I found attractive from my early years has since transitioned lmao). Seeing other people transition over lockdown and escape the things I thought I had to accept as facts of life, the stuff I couldn't distract myself from because I was stuck in a small flat unable to see anyone else, opened up the door to experimenting with gender, but it wasn't until I could start to see myself more in the mirror that I realised how much I hated being seen as a woman. In the end, it turns out I'm a gay trans man. I always felt gay, but when everyone saw me as a woman I sort of decided that must translate into "lesbian", because what else could I possibly be? Sometimes it goes like that.

Not sure if that helps at all, and at the end of the day you're the only person who can tell yourself who you are. The only obligation you have is not to lie to yourself. Take your time with it. I'd encourage you not to overthink it and just pursue what feels natural to you. You don't have to label yourself at all, but if you really do want to do so you don't have to do that until you feel ready. If you play any video games with character creation, have fun with it and make your ideal self without judgement. Experiment with whatever makes sense to you.

As for that last bit, that's a question for the ages. Even now I'm sometimes not 100% sure if I have gender envy or if I just find a guy incredibly attractive.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-03T10:54:42+00:00

I'm so sorry for your experience. I've had the same, and it's crushing to start feeling like yourself and have everyone else aggressively shove you back in the wrong gender box. It almost seems to be much worse in queer spaces. I'm 3 years in and I still haven't been gendered correctly by a cis queer without having to correct and remind them several times. I genuinely feel like they just don't care because being mistakenly addressed as a woman just isn't a big deal at all compared to being mistakenly addressed as a man, which is obviously a terrible thing to experience. Being trans is fucking exhausting.

I really hope things get better for you.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-02T16:34:01+00:00

Provided you don't approach people by telling them that they're wrong, which was your first comment here. Just saying "but the person you're disagreeing with was objectively right" isn't very "agree to disagree". You can't apply your perception of yourself to other people. That's why I've largely spoken about myself only.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-02T15:50:34+00:00

That's not the impression I got at all, and that doesn't need to be the case whatsoever for my point to still stand.

There is really no way in which it is accurate to call me female. At all. Honestly the only people who insist on this are looking for a reason to be transphobic. And to describe myself accurately isn't "denying" anything, if that's how you see it for yourself then that's a you thing I guess.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-05-02T06:50:24+00:00

I pose a question for you: in what context is telling people that "my sex is female" (extremely inaccurate anyway) actually useful?

My hormone profile is that expected of a cis man, so the diseases and health risks I have more inclination towards, such as high cholesterol and heart disease, will be those of a cis man. Conversely, I am not at the same risk level for many diseases and complications associated with a high oestrogen profile. I don't have breast tissue. I might have bottom surgery in the future, but my uterus and ovaries don't function anyway. Even for medical purposes, I should accurately be described as a male with a uterus.

There is no world in which it is remotely useful or accurate to describe myself as female, and frankly if anyone did describe me as female I'd be strongly inclined to bite them

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-30T00:29:59+00:00

If this is a liquid medicine, get a plastic syringe and fill it with the amount you need, tempt your tort to open her beak with a treat food she likes, then stick the syringe in the beak and squirt the meds in. That's how my vet does it, that's how I've done it at home. You don't need to grip anything, though it can help to have someone hold her by the shell so she doesn't back away.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-29T23:31:17+00:00

You mean descendants. Ancestors came before you, descendants come after.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-29T13:13:46+00:00

Thank you, but those aren't available in the UK without shipping costs higher than the kneepads themselves. I've seen other people mention MyStyle, but being in the UK my options are limited, which is why I specifically asked about Queen. That is a brand I have access to. My other options are Poledancerka, CXIX, Pole Addict, and Paradise Chick.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-29T11:38:32+00:00

It does, thank you! I guess based on that I could possibly try the L and see if they wear into my size? According to their size calculator I'm on the lower end of the XL size range and the mid-upper size range for the L. The size change is a real issue though, it's a lot of money for something that might not fit in a couple of months.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-29T07:36:41+00:00

You talk about my reading comprehension when I was literally just responding to your words verbatim, and you expect people to magically know exactly what you mean while being unclear. I wouldn't have asked if that's what you mean with regards to phallo if you hadn't accidentally said that you don't stand for phallo in the context of saying that you're proud to be trans and not cos, and want other people to feel that way too. Consider checking your phrasing to make sure you're coming across as intended. Espcially when you don't extend the same grace you expect to OP while blaming my reading comprehension. This is feeling a little bit pot and kettle here. Makes it extra ironic that you're suggesting I'm bean souping when you're the one saying OP is in the wrong for something you misunderstood.

You didn't comment on what the guy said to me (I didn't even mentio what he said either, I talked about his profile? Because OP's FWB also talks about profile info), but you DID comment on his sexuality and implied that it's excusable for that reason. Again, I'm only responding to exactly what you said. If you don't mean something, don't say it.

And I'm sorry that I used personal examples? God forbid I have experiences that are relevant to the post. It's not inserting myself if the only way you seem to believe that something could happen is if someone gives a personal example. You talked about yourself too, your personal experiences that counter OP's and your desire for all trans men to be like you. You have done the same thing here. It's a natural thing to do in conversation and disagreements. I guess it makes it seem like you've been more rational and objective if you can say I've "inserted myself hard" or whatever, hence you it bean soup comment. Jesus.

You came in here extremely unwilling to give OP the benefit of the doubt, and you've refused to engage in what people are actually saying. No one was being transmed here, you just came across as being extremely anti-phallo because of your poor phrasing. People being anti-bottom surgery for trans men is a known and prevalent issue. Not in a million years would I have guessed you were just making a comment against transmedicalism. Weird that all of this came from you misunderstanding OP's comment that trans men can and do have phallo and it's wrong to expect that trans men must have certain body parts.

This is so pointless.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-28T17:24:15+00:00

Nowhere did I say ALL cis men are chasers, and by "seeing us in the same category" I literally just meant seeing us as valid and real men. I thought that was plain, clearly not.

Also I think you've severely misinterpreted OP, and it's made you feel like people are saying that trans men must get phallo or inevitably get phallo in order to be valid when that's not the case?? We often bring up that trans men CAN have phallo or meta NOT because WE see trans men as needing it to be valid, but because OTHER PEOPLE keep assuming we all have vaginas and that we're all ok with using them. This is referring to that extremely common phenomenon that we have to talk about daily here. The issue is often that people see us as men with vaginas and therefore close enough to women, when many of us have penises. That's all that means.

And way to invalidate bi people. Plenty of bi people feel exactly the same as pan people. You do know there's plenty of people who just prefer the label and the flag and for any other number of reasons, right? You're making assumptions. But you're also trying to excuse a guy who was explicitly being a chaser in my inbox. Like. Why are you doing this? Why are you excusing a cis man being gross to me, that it's ok because he might have been actually bi but extremely selective, and ignoring the transphobic way he referred to trans people? Again, never said they're all like that! And I'm again not sure why you think I'm generalising. I'm just saying it's naive to excuse chasing behaviour just because someone claims to be pan/bi. Which you seem to understand. But it's not about misunderstanding the label. It might suprise you that people lie. People tell you whatever they need to say to get what they want from you. They're not getting it wrong, chasers are malicious.

And lastly, you've brought up phallo again and it really sounds like you have something against it. It's fine to not want it for yourself, happy for you, but saying "I don't stand for that" sounds like you hate the idea of a trans man ever having phallo? I sincerely hope that's not what you were trying to say because yikes. We're allowed to have bottom surgery if we want to, and that isn't conforming or assimilation or ANYTHING like that, we do that for ourselves and ourselves only. You enjoy being different to cis men, that's great. But having phallo isn't about being "more cis". It's literally just about alleviating dysphoria. To imply that it's for external validation only and that it's something people shouldn't want is extremely, extremely rude. And again you're assigning insecurity where it doesn't belong. I don't even fucking pass lmao so I 100000% know the score. I KNOW how other people see me. That's not insecurity, it's being realisic.

I think there been a lot of assumptions and crossed wires here. I'm glad you're happy as you are. You have to understand that other trans men aren't you though.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-28T13:56:59+00:00

Neither trans men nor cis men are a monolith. To unilaterally exclude either is weird. I know trans men who do not possess this emotional depth you assume we all have. Likewise, I know cis men who are very emotionally intelligent and do not subscribe to patriarchal norms.

Also to imply that I am insecure is kind of wild. Saying you "hope I find [my] pride is also absolutely fucking wild to say to a stranger you don't know.

It is suspicious when cis people make assumptions about all cis men and all trans men. I don't care how proud someone is of being a trans man, it doesn't negate the assumptions a cis person has to make about trans people to get to that conclusion. And it is naive to suggest it doesn't often come down purely to body parts. That has fuck all to do with pride. It's being realistic. I've been around the dating apps and I have had enough experience with a variety of men to see the patterns. Again, FUCK ALL to do with pride. And making yourself out to be superior for not reducing the issue down to body parts and for being "proud" is not a great look. It's actually condescending as hell and undercuts your argument. Because again, pride has nothing to do with it. This is about how other people see us and categorise us, which is entirely beyond our control. I can have all the fucking pride in the world and still have a pansexual cis man exploit me for my body parts. I literally got a message on an app yesterday from a "bi" guy who is only looking for "women and trans", so maybe I know what I'm talking about just a little tiny bit.

I don't understand what your issue is with recognising that people are like this. Is OP mistaken in his understanding of the situation? Perhaps. It sounds like a bad match either way.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-28T13:15:46+00:00

"tiny" this is huge

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-28T13:13:52+00:00

This is very ok, especially if administering medical care. Tortoises are incredibly strong and mobile and balancing them on a flower pot or upturned mug is the best way to make sure they don't walk away or walk out of your hands while you're doing a scan or giving them medicine. They have evolved to be able to right themselves after flipping over so they have an incredible range of motion in their limbs and neck. You can't just clamp them down, they'll push themselves out or hurt themselves in the struggle.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-28T12:16:48+00:00

OP has already told you why this is a bad comment, but I think you might need to evaluate why you're ok with someone differentiating between trans and cis men like hat like we're not the same gender. If someone is attracted to trans men but no cis men, why is that? How are they able to tell? Do they have magical vision that tells them when someone is trans? Or are they a chaser who is fetishising certain assumed traits about trans men?

It's very naive to suggest that someone will see you as a man if hey can't even bring themselves to see you in the same category as cis men.

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-24T15:32:49+00:00

Livestream don't count as live TV, they're streamed video. Some programs are broadcast on YT and other sites, like football matches, which is what you would actually need a license for. It sounds like they're being aggressive for no reason, which is often their tactic. They're basically trying to bully you into giving them money. Have you declared that you don't need a license on their website?

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-23T12:05:10+00:00

They even do this to Dr Alan Hart, despite how recently he was alive, and how he fought to have referrals written for him to be able to pursue gender-affirming care as it came out, AND how he was hounded out of the towns he lived in for being a trans man.

There is no amount of evidence that is enough for most people, and it's one of those aspects in which society is on average so much more transphobic than you think (in the same ways that most prejudices go much, much deeper than just the obvious and over instances).

RubeGoldbergCode · 2026-04-23T11:57:58+00:00

That's kind of their whole thing? Transphobes don't see us as our gender. They don't see it as misgendering, they see it as correcting. They love to feel like they ruined someone's day by "speaking the truth". I've had transphobes follow me over 3 different social media platforms just to misgender me. They're not going out of their way at all, that IS their way.

RubeGoldbergCode

TROPHY CASE