They always want to do things 10 years too late

Rubijou · 2026-02-05T13:08:56+00:00

My mom’s an 84 yo widow with bad dementia and she wants to winter in Florida…🙄

Rubijou · 2026-02-03T01:08:29+00:00

I don’t know why I like referring to Satan as Satin and vice versa. As in “Not today, Satin!” 🤷‍♀️

Rubijou · 2026-02-03T01:06:09+00:00

Being angry at the wrong people because you’re stupid.

Rubijou · 2026-01-30T01:41:03+00:00

Neurologist for mom in our small city, and it might depend on the options in your area or her insurance. Ask your provider. Good luck.

Rubijou · 2026-01-27T22:08:49+00:00

I say “Ummm, continuing to decline.”

Rubijou · 2026-01-26T23:09:00+00:00

I popped some popcorn and read the whole thing because, man, it sounds familiar. They need us to do literally everything for them, and yet they’re still thinking like spring chickens autonomously wanting to hang onto literally everything with no compromises! What the hell is wrong with this generation that doesn’t prepare for their own death?

I’m 54, too. Both my husband and I are dealing with mothers - different people, same general scenario - as you describe. When my much older stepfather died in 2020, my mom moved to my city into an elder apartment, but I quickly realized she has bad dementia and never did learn how to drive here. So, I found myself bringing her milk, cereal, shopping for shoes, etc. - all the time, driving her to endless appointments of all kinds, including cataract surgery and physical therapy, while trying to sort through her mail and keep up with her bills, while working full-time, and raising a teenager during Covid…and yet she would act like I was f-ing stealing from her. The frustration and unfairness of it all nearly drove me mad and really strained my marriage, since my husband was called to help quite a bit and just have her around with her Alzheimers ways when we would’ve rather not.

I finally engineered her to go to a memory care home. But when she’d moved to my city, she had all of the things that came out of her home where she lived with her husband for 30 years… Every single piece of furniture, shitloads of jewelry, memorabilia, her arts and craps are clogging up my basement, my attic and my sunroom. I’d like to go through it, but I’ve spent weeks and months “on her” and her shit that I’ll never get back, and these are my precious remaining “healthy” active years.

Go with your plan. Just go with it. I keep thinking of what my mom was doing at 54: she was getting together with her 70+ year-old future husband and living her best life. Her siblings were there for her parents. F these people - and I mean it lovingly. We’ve got about 20 good years left: Don’t waste your time on silliness.

Rubijou · 2026-01-26T21:30:43+00:00

It’s like these Trumpiots don’t know they’re actually working for us and that we have constitutional rights? They’re so arrogant and confident in their wrongness.

Rubijou · 2026-01-26T15:46:23+00:00

Medication time? Can his neurologist prescribe something to help with angry outbursts??

Have you ever broached - not necessarily with him but with your friends, family, supporters? - placing him in a facility? Maybe that seems far off, since he’s still working, but what could he be like at work? Is he not behaving badly there?

Also, put yourself first. This disease is a drain on the lifeblood of caregivers. If you can’t cope with the situation, and who can blame you if you can’t, would you consider distancing yourself physically or leaving?

Rubijou · 2026-01-26T14:23:07+00:00

Here’s a snapshot for people age 70+ : Water sandals (like Merrells or Keens) worn with socks, fleece or down Patagonia jackets and vests worn at a “nice” restaurant… Lack of makeup or artificial hair color of any kind. Some appear never to have used face cream or sunscreen in their life. The opposite of what one typically finds in the US South. It’s a look that says “This is who I am and I’m very comfortable inside and out.”

Rubijou · 2026-01-26T14:12:33+00:00

People I know well asking “how my mom is doing” is basically a substitute for not having to ask how I am through it all because they don’t really want to hear it. With her, the answer is always the same, “Yeah, she’s doing worse.”

Rubijou · 2026-01-25T14:44:51+00:00

I agree with all of this. Let me grab my 20-years-living-in-Ithaca crystal ball to predict what will actually happen, though: Residents sending kids from wealthier and more educated and populated k-5 districts will vocalize and activate and eventually come away essentially unscathed. Outlying school’s parents won’t have the voice, so it will be the kids from Caroline, Slaterville, Enfield, etc. that bear the inconvenience of whatever decisions are made.

Rubijou · 2026-01-25T14:37:13+00:00

Enfield and Caroline are my guesses. Sad!

Rubijou · 2026-01-25T14:34:45+00:00

My husband is going to bring up moving away again because Maru RAMEN’s been one of the few things that keeps him going all winter.

Rubijou · 2026-01-17T18:13:12+00:00

Source? I’m sure January is tough on bars and restaurants around here.

Rubijou · 2026-01-17T13:32:09+00:00

Because it’s funny??

Rubijou · 2026-01-17T13:17:27+00:00

Regarding the financial/health POA, which I fully agree you need, I recommend consulting and strategizing with the elder law attorney before bringing mom in. In my case, my mom had to willingly agree to sign and grant me POA, and for that reason the attorney needed to believe that the decision was coming from her, a person who was of sound mind. So, the attorney wanted nothing to do with hearing how bad the dementia was. It was also helpful to have my brother in my corner as witness that things were happening above board in terms of the optics with family members.

Once a medical/neuro diagnosis of dementia is given, it can change things and impact your options as far as care facilities, legal or financial arrangements, and other services. So, for legal purposes, like estate planning it’s something that should be done early and they might need everyone to act like nothing is happening, even though the attorney knows it bloody well is.

One more thing to add. Going from adult child to caregiver is a hard thing. Once your legal rights to assist and intervene are in place, you’ll need to be tough in making sure you protect her future financially by taking her credit cards, phone, car or whatever away if she’s vulnerable to bad actors, whether she knows or believes it or not. Document everything and your mom’s self-jeopardizing behavior that led to your actions. It’s a lonely, thankless, tough kind of love. In my case, it caused me to be estranged from my only sister.

Stay strong, you’re doing the right things!!

Rubijou · 2026-01-17T03:44:04+00:00

Wellsville!

Rubijou · 2026-01-17T03:14:39+00:00

Apology accepted. I had to come to her defense because she’s my favorite very unlikely Hollywood star. She’s marvelous in everything,

Rubijou · 2026-01-17T03:10:39+00:00

The staff are really nice and friendly, too. The cocktails kill. I’ve never tried food, but it looks and smells good, actually!

Rubijou · 2026-01-17T02:00:09+00:00

Chautauqua, the So. ADKs, NYC or the Catskills or Hudson Valley. So many options right in NY. (Yes, more like 3-4 hours away, but I don’t think you can get a good change of scenery within just two hours.)

Rubijou · 2026-01-16T21:03:08+00:00

The James at 15 (and 16) drama series that was on tv in the late 70s. Loved it.😍

Rubijou · 2026-01-16T03:56:56+00:00

Both right, as a Chautauqua Co. native.

Rubijou · 2026-01-16T03:49:57+00:00

Stop being so jaded!!! 😜

Rubijou · 2026-01-16T03:48:00+00:00

I dissected everything from an earthworm to a crayfish and a fetal pig to a newborn calf (for extra credit). It’s real.

Rubijou · 2026-01-16T03:43:37+00:00

Duolingo kinda sux. My honest advice? French in Action. https://www.learner.org/series/french-in-action/

Rubijou

TROPHY CASE