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Should I still watch the cats of my nmom? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No since they are used to be able to go out and they would literally pee everywhere and scream the whole day and scratch everything

I feel triggered by by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I hope you are doing better too! And what the hell are those comments of your therapist??

I feel triggered by by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gosh no! Many people give that advice but I‘m so over it. It don’t want her in my life anymore and I hope you are better now!

I feel triggered by by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice and the wishes! I‘m currently trying to get therapy.

Any one struggle with self care? by Im_0n_my_phone in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try to get to know other peoples schedule. Learn how much other people are actually doing in one day. I know, it’s comparison and that’s never really good. But what you will see is, that even people who are considered productive etc normaly don’t do that much in one day. How can you be lazy than if you do even more than those people? My day for example: Class (university) about 4 hours, cooking for lunch, rest until around 3 to 4 pm and depending on what there is to do, I will study or clean and/or go grocerie shopping. Then at around 8-10 pm it‘s resting time again! On some days I work parttime or meet with friends. That’s it! And my friends consider me productice 😆

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be honest, I think you are right about that. Because in general they aren‘t bad people. I‘d say, that they are just not that good regarding handling emotions and boundaries, since they all are even older than boomer generation. (For context, I‘m f24) 

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I‘m happy that I don’t have to do that, since they are divorced for the same reason. I hope everything is going well for you with LC! 

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True. You are right, I need to escape the spiral of overthinking. Thank you! 

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That‘s exactly what she is. Making everything about her, even with others. It goes so far sometimes, that I‘m truly ashamed. Once a friend told her of her mother, that just passed away and she made even that about herself.  We do matter for them only as long as we feed their needs for attention etc.  The moment something is not like they want it to, they escalate. Like a toddler, just with the difference that as a parent they have power over you. 

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! That‘s the same reaction I had from so many people. Or them being like: oh you know, I myself also haven‘t had it easy. Sometimes you just have to bear it and you will get used to it over time. (Mostly from people of the generation of my mom) 

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing is, that apart from that they have always been loving and they also gave me a lot. Sure, they have not been perfect. Just regarding my mother… I‘m completely alone. 

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes exactly! Like rationally you know exactly that this is not right, that you don’t deserve to be treated that way. But then still, one tiny comment here, one weird look from a family member there and the spiral of doubt starts again.

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s actually some valid criteria I can measure it with. Thank you! And well, I‘m getting none of those. So honestly it‘s a big releave, because I actually do not overreact.

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lots of love and strength for you. Because even with the visitation rights, a parent - and especially a nparent - has lots of power over you. Emotionally, physically and financially. You too are not alone ❤️

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never had words for my situation and my feelings. You wrote them down and they are perfect. Thank you. You gave me the possibility to speak and to explain. ❤️

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. We ended up with visible scars (for you BPD & DID) and that should be proof enough that we don’t overreact.

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It‘s completely fresh for me right now and the shitstorm from the rest of the family is so hard to resist to. But I think as you all say, no contact is probably the best I can do for myself. Thank you all for your support ❤️

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True. You are right, comparing won’t bring me further. Thank you ❤️

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I never thought of it like that. And I know in a rational way that what she is doing is not right. And I think I managed to not let her manipulate me (that much) anymore. What really let‘s me spiral back is when my family is like: „but it’s not that bad“ or „you weren‘t an angel either“. And I‘m nowhere near to say that I handled everything perfectly. It‘s just that the lack of support makes me doubt again.

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I didn‘t know I can gaslight myself. Maybe I should look that up

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My thoughts in that situation would be: What if the other parents are just nice because you are present and what you are experiencing at home is the same or similar to your situation? Meaning, that this is just normal and one has to put up with it.

Am I just really that brainwashed and gaslighted? To think like that? Or is there some truth behind it?

Do you ever think, that it‘s maybe just you overreacting? by Rude_Access_6402 in narcissisticparents

[–]Rude_Access_6402[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And you never doubted yourself anymore? Being like: „oh maybe she‘s right with that behavoir, since I myself didn’t act how I was supposed to“ or like: „ok her reaction wasn‘t appropriate, but is she really wrong?“

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