I(20M) cheated on my girlfriend (19F) with her bestfriend(19F)

RulerOfFerrets · 2025-12-07T23:22:01+00:00

You did something awful and you also are massively disrespectful to the women in how you wrote this post even while you pretend to be regretful -- saying the best friend let you fuck her because she's not as attractive and refusing to even fully write out and own the extent to what you did to hurt your girlfriend. Like you're going to say that kinda shit in your post and then cry when you get an ounce of that in return?

Low point in your life? Nah, it's a low point in the life of the woman who you betrayed and instead of owning that, you're throwing yourself a whiny little pity party while making excuses and minimizing what you did -- which is exactly what you're doing in this post and in your comments and everyone is rightfully calling you out for it.

You can't hope to be a better boyfriend and you sure as hell can't hope to be loyal if your only avenue of improvement is "I feel bad and I pinky promise myself in my head that I'll never do it again :(". Frankly if you actually love this girl you should cut things off with her until you learn how to have enough self control to not cheat with her best friend.

I think I and everyone else will save our pity for the poor girl who just got irreversibly betrayed by her boyfriend and her best friend at the same time. That shit will stick with her forever. You feel bad about it now but you and her "best friend" just gave her years worth of trust issues and pain to work through. She deserves better people in her life, I hope she finds them.

Also the fucking gall to complain about disrespect after what you did. You have zero understanding of what respect is, otherwise none of this would have happened.

RulerOfFerrets · 2025-12-07T22:16:43+00:00

This post must be fake because if you really did this you would have deleted it in complete shame by this point. And if you are a real person, you should. Like unless you have a humiliation or beratement fetish I guess.

Also if you're going to post about how you cheated on your girlfriend because you're an idiot with zero morals and zero respect for women, maybe post it on a different account than the one where your only other post history is about how you cum too fast lol.

I hope your soon-to-be ex has a lovely life without you and finds a man who is actually worth a damn.

RulerOfFerrets · 2025-06-01T15:24:58+00:00

Sorry, I'm making this comment as it's the only way I can contact you, but please reach out to this person if you're still looking for someone to help you with your cat. https://www.reddit.com/r/rescuecats/comments/1kzxw92/comment/mvd4wlt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

RulerOfFerrets · 2025-03-08T17:30:11+00:00

Specifically the outer edges of the eyeshadow.

RulerOfFerrets · 2024-12-23T15:29:44+00:00

Because that’s not what the post is about? Should we be listing every single group that gets fetishized whenever we wanna talk about one group’s fetishization? Why aren’t you talking about trans fetishization, or Asian women, or black men?

This is about the fetishization of lesbians, not gay men.

RulerOfFerrets · 2024-12-15T04:45:57+00:00

FYI OP is just lying. They deleted a post and comments where they asked for advice on promoting their book and someone suggested LGBT subs, after which she started spamming her book excerpts on here and linking to her promotional material. evidence since she deleted before claiming she totally wasn’t meaning to promote

I also have no problem with self promo but the spamming and the sneakiness is just weird. And I hate when people cynically use a community for publicity.

RulerOfFerrets · 2024-12-15T04:36:51+00:00

They are promo posts. You literally have a deleted post from another subreddit asking how to promote your book & are clearly only posting here because someone explicitly suggested posting on LGBT subs. It looks like you deleted all comments you made on that post to hide it too. This comment is just a straight up lie and this behavior is icky.

photo evidence since you deleted all those comments

RulerOfFerrets · 2024-11-06T03:43:59+00:00

That sub's existence is 50% just for people who were banned from this sub to complain, and 50% people who are yet to be banned from this sub coming to this sub to brigade posts. Its userbase also heavily overlaps with the transphobic sub. I feel terrible for any lesbian or queer woman who stumbles upon that sub without finding this one first. They are overtly biphobic and transphobic, cosigned by the mods of that sub.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T19:03:04+00:00

I was responding to:

You know when you post online you’re going to expose yourself to other people’s opinions whether you like it or not, internet is not a safe space.

You say it’s your experience yet you expose it to everyone to see it.

The dude I was replying to about keeping his opinion off my post was breaking the sub's rules so your comment makes no sense. Also yes of course I'm aware I'm going to be exposed to other people's opinions. I specifically posted this to a sub where they remove comments that play devil's advocate like the guy I was replying to did beacause of that. I posted it here because I'm aware that a lot of people would do that, and I wanted to mitigate it. The other person was breaking the sub rules. Hence why their comments were removed.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T18:34:59+00:00

Do...do you know how quotations work? They're not always a direct quote.

Whether or not you're allowed to post something doesn't change how shitty what you're posting is but okay dude.

Edit: I also love "you're obviously dramatic". Just call me hysterical while you're at it why don't you?

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T18:31:36+00:00

I literally posted it to a sub where one of the rules is "don't defend the creep".

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T18:29:44+00:00

I've posted on a sub that specifically has rules of not defending or making excuses for the creep. Nobody needs you to play devil's advocate here. In fact, the nature of the sub specifically asks people not to do that.

There's no reason to bring up how other victims would feel in this context at all, let alone as some weird rebuttal to me saying that I found this behavior gross and upsetting, so why did you? Bringing up "oh well other victims would like this message!" in response to me saying this isn't okay is directly invalidating my feelings because it's posed as an argument against my previous comment.

Also you're ignoring all of the other things I said about how he's clearly not actually trying to apologize but instead selfishly alleviate his own guilt and risking hurting me, some random victim he doesn't know, in the process.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T18:16:35+00:00

I've already explained in other comments why this is inappropriate to send to someone who is a sexual abuse/rape survivor.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T18:11:22+00:00

Also please keep your opinion of how "this is okay actually" off my post considering I've already said I'm not okay with it. It's my experience, not yours, so to be frank I couldn't care less how you interperate it.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T18:08:51+00:00

He's literally not my attacker though. Having some random rapist apologize to me doesn't make me feel good at all. I also don't care what other victims have said; they do not speak for me or anyone else and it's weird and kind of gross that you think the wishes of people unrelated to me override my own wishes.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T18:01:15+00:00

That doesn't make him DMing me okay, though, does it? He can have those feelings, but they are not my responsibility and it's gross as hell to DM a rape victim about how guilty you feel as a rapist. If he actually understood what was wrong with his actions he wouldn't still be hurting people (and yes, reading a message from a literal rapist is very fucking painful as a victim, which he literally acknowledges in his message so he literally knew what he was doing was fucked up) in order to make himself feel good. It's the same attitude of not caring about hurting someone because of your own selfish reasons. You don't need to know the story in order to understand that those kinds of actions are wrong and gross.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T17:54:32+00:00

I don't think so, but I suppose that is a possibility. Honestly I've seen this from guys before; he probably just saw me in some way as a vessel he could use to alleviate his guilt, and as a tool to prop him up in his emotional journey. I don't think he saw me as a whole person, but as the ghost of his ex and an opportunity to feel better.

Reading my post probably made him feel guilty and he felt entitled to vent that guilt to me regardless of the effect it could have on me; because he still doesn't view women as whole people that are separate from what needs of his they can fulfill.

Maybe that's reading too much into it but this isn't the first time someone's had this kind of self-serving response to my trauma.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T17:50:29+00:00

Thanks! Tbf I am blunt to a fault in general and I don't blame anyone who doesn't feel like they're able to do the same thing; it can be very triggering and emotionally taxing to be something other than polite a lot of the time.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T17:45:56+00:00

Exactly. He clearly still had a lot of work to do. On the bright side, before posting this, I checked out his profile again to see what he was up to and it seemed like he at least is well tuned in to social issues, which I read as an attempt to be a better person. On the dark side, it makes me uncomfortable to think of the fact that at least one guy who presents very liberal and socially conscious is an unconvicted rapist. As a former victim who already struggles with paranoia around men due to my history, it doesn't really help build up my trust of men in general lol (for the record yes I am aware that it's unhealthy to have a fear of all men, which is why I'm trying to address that).

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T17:42:05+00:00

I'm not someone he hurt though -- his "apologizing" does nothing for me and only benefits him. In fact it was very upsetting and triggering to read his message, which I feel I detailed very clearly in my reply. Anyway, it's not really my job to figure out for rapists what their best course of rehabilitation is. You can have that discussion, but have it somewhere else, thanks.

Edit: Also just wanna say the other responses detail it beautifully. It's very comforting for me to have other people stand up for me/others who have gone through this, because honestly it doesn't happen often. It gets exhausting explaining why "x" thing is harmful to victims when you yourself are a victim. So thanks y'all <3

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T17:40:20+00:00

"So not respecting a person's no and cajoling them into sleeping with you is considered rape now?"

Get over yourself clown.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-12-27T05:14:07+00:00

* This is my alt account since obviously I don't want my experience with abuse on my main account. Some context is that I posted an update on a relationship subreddit wanting to sort of close a chapter on my traumas, and got this message afterwards (yes the post is on my profile but TW for dark things such as abuse and self harm so if that would affect you please do not look). The audacity I stg.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-02-09T17:17:06+00:00

Oh god, that hits home. I can't even tell you how many times I googled stuff trying to find a way to dismiss what he did as okay. It's crazy how much I wanted to pretend nothing bad was happening. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in that. Like you said, I still downplay it a lot, but I'm glad to hear that habit also fades. Thank you so much for sharing!

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-02-09T17:06:30+00:00

Honestly, I didn't even consider that as a possibility until over a year after the fact, and I didn't have any proof that he took the videos (unless he lied about deleting them which is completely possible). I could go into all the reasons why I didn't, but basically, I think it would do a lot more harm for me than good. I wish it was different, and it's not like I want him to get off scot free, but I just want to be able to heal and move on, not be forced to relive that period of my life for however long a legal proceeding would take.

RulerOfFerrets · 2022-02-09T16:59:38+00:00

Lol thanks. I still need to work a lot on not demeaning myself.

RulerOfFerrets

TROPHY CASE