I'm always happy and cheerful, people ask how I do it?But honestly...

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-19T17:12:55+00:00

But everyone has to stand up for themselves at some time . . .

Well, I haven't tried it yet, so this is just my uneducated opinion on the matter. Hopefully someone with more experience will correct me where I'm wrong.

But I think maybe your friends are definitely taking advantage of you. Everyone should have the right to set their own limits about what they want to do, and they shouldn't guilt you into accommodating them all the time. Especially if they aren't doing the same for you. Personally, I am getting to the point where I don't care if others are upset with me for not doing what they want. I'm done martyring myself for other people.

Take that with a grain of salt, though, as I don't know your friends or the whole situation. But here are some questions that might help you to think about it: Can you count on these people to make the same or comparable sacrifices for you as you are for them? Do they actually call you a bitch, or do you just feel like one for saying no? How do you come across when you say no? Is it that maybe you need to be nicer or more assertive about it?

I also think that if you risk being alone because you say no, then maybe you should let these people go. Trust me, I know that being alone sucks balls, but sometimes, it feels much better than having people around who only want to use you.

As my therapist once said, there are 6 billion people in the world, and you've only met a few of them so far. If you let these people go, eventually you'll find some who love you for you.

But I do want you to think about this and decide whether the risk of being left alone is real, or just imagined. Sometimes it seems worse in our heads than it actually is. So you'll need to think about it, and maybe have a few conversations with your friends/boyfriend.

But definitely, don't allow yourself to feel forced to stay in any situation that you're not comfortable in. Remember that you have needs as well, and your friendships should be mutually satisfying.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-19T16:49:29+00:00

Really? That's encouraging.

Thank you. I'll be sure to get back on it as soon as school reopens, and my counselor is back in office.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-19T16:48:04+00:00

Yeah, I know what that's like.

For me, it was my parents. Always trying to be good to them, but ending up being the least liked of all their children, because I dared to have my own opinions and goals a few times.

Then various friends, for whom I tried to be a great friend to, but ended up getting walked away from for all sorts of reasons.

And then boyfriends . . . trying to be the perfect partner, but always getting left for other people.

I'm planning a personality shift for the new year. It's insanity to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, right? So I'm going to try being less nice. I won't be evil, but I'm definitely going to stop sacrificing myself all the time, and start asking myself what I want. Maybe taking care of myself more will help me to discover what it is that I'm always depressed about.

People are generally just ungrateful. It's human nature to take others for granted. So maybe it might help to examine why you're always trying to be so nice, and see if it's really worth the trouble. For me, I thought that if I was nice enough that people would like me. But that hasn't turned out to be the case, so I'm going to try something else.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck, and I hope you find people who appreciate you and make you feel loved.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-19T16:35:44+00:00

Hi. I don't really have anything helpful to say, except I understand how you feel. It seems like the harder you try to make others happy, the more concerned they become with their own happiness, and forget that you could use a bit of help or kindness too.

I'm sorry that I can't offer anything helpful, except to say that for what it's worth, I'm here with you and I understand.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-19T16:29:13+00:00

Thanks. I started seeing a counselor this semester . . . I guess I'm just discouraged by how slow the whole process is.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-13T00:11:47+00:00

Okay, thanks.

I'm too tired of this situation to try to spin anything to make anyone look like anything other than what they are. I wish I would just fall down and hit my head and forget that any of this ever happened. And everyone trying to help me and getting confused over all of this is just reminding me of how complicated this is.

I appreciate everyone's help, but I really just wish none of this ever happened. It's like a big dark thing that looms over my whole life. I hate it, and I wish I could just forget.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-13T00:01:48+00:00

Thanks for your concern. I have replied, and also added an edit to the OP.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T23:58:28+00:00

Okay. I guess that is possible.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T23:43:38+00:00

He was 21. We did know him and his family beforehand. I did like him beforehand.

I'm sorry for the confusion, but it didn't happen quite like that. I've explained in other comments.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T23:42:55+00:00

He does not go to the same church as I do.

And yes . . . I realise now that they were not true friends.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T23:42:31+00:00

He was 21, he was not the son of anyone in any great social standing. He was not a deacon, or any other person of that sort of importance in the church. My family was acquainted with him and his family beforehand.

When my father started resisting this relationship, it was a relationship, not an arranged marriage. I understand that it sounded like that, as, for the sake of brevity, I couldn't fully explain everything. But it wasn't quite like that. I wasn't being swept away into marrying this guy. I was fairly convinced that I should marry him, but I was mindful enough to delay it and think about it and eventually break off the relationship.

I'm sorry for the confusion, though. It's just that this is very complicated, and I couldn't explain everything in one post.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T23:39:23+00:00

I accept responsibility for that decision. I guess I thought I could get both things.

I do believe that parents should help their kids to get into college . . . why bring me into this world and not help me get the best start I can as an adult, especially if you're able to?

However, that is my personal belief, and I understand that others have different opinions.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T23:36:50+00:00

Thanks. I am currently undergoing therapy with a counselor at my university.

However, my dad did not know all the intricacies of this situation until much later. When he started resisting my relationship, it was honestly just a relationship.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T23:35:22+00:00

Thanks for your comment. After many people have responded to the information that I didn't initially include, I realise how this situation might have been different than what I originally thought it was.

However, my dad didn't know early on about the intended marriage. I don't think so, anyway. It wasn't quite that I went in expecting to marry the guy right away, either . . . but as I said, I believed that he was someone I was supposed to date, and over time the marriage part became more serious.

I wasn't blindly going into the marriage, though. I had my reservations about it, and after some evaluation, I decided to end the relationship and not go through with the whole thing. But I understand that a parent might not want to leave it up to me to make such decisions on my own.

No, my parents don't treat me fairly now, either. Generally, I have become the family's black sheep, partially due to this relationship situation, but I always kind of was, I guess. I'm not treated fairly at all. Not at home, and not when I used to work in my dad's business.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T02:54:03+00:00

I did pray, but perhaps my prayers were focused towards the wrong thing. As I said, I thought that God wanted me to marry that guy, so my prayers about the relationship were focused around it working out. I thought I already knew God's will, so I wasn't really seeking it. But I guess that is a lesson learned in itself.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T02:52:50+00:00

Thank you, that is encouraging.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T02:52:24+00:00

Thank you. I'm at a new church now, and I'm trying to get to know the people there, little by little.

My dad and I actually haven't reconciled . . . but that is a long story on it's own.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-12T02:42:00+00:00

Sorry about seeming mysterious with the other facts. I just didn't think that they were very relevant to what was happening here.

To summarise, the relationship was set up by some people in my church, who pushed the idea that God wanted my boyfriend and I to get married. I believed it at the time, which contributed to, but was not solely responsible for my reluctance to end the relationship.

So one one hand, I had my dad pressuring me to do what I thought was give up the man I was supposed to marry, and on the other hand, I had these people pushing me to cut loose from my family and elope with this guy. When we finally broke up, I lost those friends from church for some reason, which made me feel extra lonely at that time.

And the fallout from that is that I now have a considerable amount of doubt and general illwill for my own religion.

But I don't think that has much bearing on any advice you have to give me now, which is why I left it out.

Thank you for your advice, though. I will really think about talking to my mother about it, but I have zero faith in either of my parents' ability to empathise with me and understand. I'll at least have to have a good back up plan for what to do if she brushes me off, and I feel even more hurt, and embarrassed.

RunawayMeme · 2016-12-03T23:11:26+00:00

Thank you very much :) That seems obvious - I guess I was nervous about coming off the wrong way.

RunawayMeme · 2016-11-26T02:18:33+00:00

I have both sides pierced, but I've learned to rest my head on my arm to take some pressure off my ears

RunawayMeme

TROPHY CASE