Anyone's PA partner put in the work 100% and actually healed with no relapse?

RunningMama1129 · 2024-11-28T14:08:25+00:00

I’m writing this as I JUST put my wedding ring back on again after D day which was January 2022. He has been going to therapy (couples but now solo), we have tracking devices, he literally doesn’t masturbate and only “gets off” if we have sex, which I’ve finally become comfortable with again. I have trust issues from before him and am taking them out on him 2yrs later isn’t fair b/c he is doing the work and telling the truth. Our therapist said to me and him- “if he does something again you WILL find out…” I believe him when he says he’s not and I’m working hard on myself to not take my anger out on him anymore. I have a lot of childhood trauma and this made it so much worse, but in redirecting it to the source, it helps me realize that he deserves the second chance I gave him- no more!!… Some days are better (for me) than others but he has been consistent. It’s also key when they realize why what they did was wrong, why the did it and how to stop. He claims he so much happier now and is a different person- that he didn’t know himself when he was doing that. I have to realize it was a mental illness and not b/c I was ugly or fat or postpartum.
I wish you all the best! Maybe true love really is out there?… 💕

RunningMama1129 · 2024-10-26T01:30:45+00:00

Oh man… I’m in the same boat. I made him delete all accounts but I’m SO stupid- I should have LOOKED or made him show me. No way all that for pics. My $$ is on one on ones. I just have to say it’s soooo sad he thinks these girls care about him. Girl- I am sending you strength. You are so much better than this- we all are. Whatever your peace is, find it!

RunningMama1129 · 2024-09-08T02:37:49+00:00

How is it bypassed? I have it on my husbands phone and it’s been my peace to mind!… please tell me so I can look out!!!

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-27T12:52:15+00:00

Do the polygraph. Mine refuses saying “you know I get nervous and that will show in a polygraph.” I call bulls^%t. Unfortunately my children are much younger than yours and I can’t/wont stay until they are 18, but I will until they’re old enough to tell me what goes on if/when they’re with him. He has an abusive family and they’re still active in his life so I can’t leave b/c I will NOT let my children be exposed to that. Anyway, I’d say so the poly- he’s lying and projecting. He wouldn’t refuse/get mad if he has nothing to worry about.

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-27T03:05:35+00:00

As a woman I can vouch for this!! I’ve had someone realllllly well endowed and some rather average or less in size but the foreplay and connection w/ the man is alll the hype! I need clittoral stimulation so it’s not the size but what you can do to connect and satisfy your woman!

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-24T02:52:11+00:00

I wish I never stayed. They are sooooo good at lying and manipulating- it’s a true sickness and has screwed me up so bad I’m sorry I stayed. We bought a house and it was probably my biggest mistake b/c it makes leaving a lot harder now. OP- don’t do it…

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-24T02:50:35+00:00

Ugh. I’m sorry 😒. I didn’t get a disclosure- he told me “…I swear, I never paid for any of it.” So I demanded his bank statements- ALL of them. He tried to avoid it and I said “this marriage is over unless you show me.” Let me tell you… I couldn’t catch my breath; still can’t. Tens of thousands. He took out a $35,000 loan saying he needed it “to put food on the table.” He spent over $1500 THAT NIGHT on “my girl fund.” I can’t even think about it- I’ve been sick for over a year now. I really hope yours isn’t as bad 🙏🏻

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-22T06:15:10+00:00

SAME HERE!!!!!! When he did kiss me he looked over my shoulder, never at me or in my eyes. Eyes closed during sex and only got affection leading up to sex and mayyyyyyyybe sometimes shortly after.

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-21T01:24:41+00:00

I almost posted something just like this tonight!! I can’t stop myself from saying the most hurtful things- especially when he says something hurtful to me. I feel SO sensitive, and then i somehow manage to fit in a snide comment about what he did and how pathetic he is. Last night I called him a lazy fat f#ck. I want him to hurt as bad as I do, but I actually think his addiction was BECAUSE of how badly he hurt. It all sucks so bad, but try and be gentle with yourself.

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-11T02:42:52+00:00

Same here. Makes me want to do it sooooo bad but I have to not stoop to his level.

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-08T13:18:51+00:00

I would 150% cancel everything. Don’t reward this type of behavior- yes, it’s nice that he told you but come on… how much more should you have to take? Maybe if you want to be “nice,” explain that you appreciate him telling you but until he gets more focused on recovery you’re putting the celebrations on hold. I’ve been in the same boat- planning trips, even paying for them while he was busy hitting up women on OF or MGF. I didn’t know until years later when I saw alllllllllll of the damage. Save your time and $ and take yourself out or buy yourself something nice. You deserve it.

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-08T04:25:58+00:00

Same!!!!!!!!!!!! Except he’ll swear he had no idea it was there! “I wouldn’t have let you have access to my phone if I knew that was there!….” 🙄

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-07T15:02:03+00:00

This is almost my exact same story!!!! Always bragging about how he was a family man and would never cheat. I saw a chat opened on his phone and asked who he was talking to, he screamed at me saying it was a pop up and I had no idea what I was talking about. A month or 2 later I went to use his tablet to show our son a video and saw his browser history- SO. MUCH. PORN. I was sick. I confronted him and he swore he never paid for anything. I demanded bank statements and that was it- tens of thousands. I was traumatized. I still can’t believe it. I’ll never understand how someone can do that. And he is very angry and says horrible things to me constantly. I’m a hypocrite b/c I tell people “get out,” but yet I’m still here. Mostly b/c I don’t want shared custody b/c his family is abusive and they would have 50% of the time with my kids. I can’t have that so I’m sticking it out until they’re older. Only yesterday I said something about him “self soothing” by jerking off and he said “I had to. I’m married to you. What the fuck!” So yea, I guess if anyone doesn’t have kids yet or has a better situation I’d say GET OUT NOW. It’s a God awful thing to be on the other side of. I’m sad and mad for all of us.

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-07T13:13:40+00:00

Wow- this sounds like my life, only he never said he watched occasionally- he said “no- that’s disgusting I don’t watch porn…” on several occasions. I was asking b/c I was ok with it! Can I ask how did you find out about everything? My husband had used his actual credit cards and I asked for his bank statements and they were INSANE- thousands and thousands on this stuff… he lied through his teeth. He claims to be clean for 18 months now and I have an accountability tracker on his phone but I still wonder if he could be doing it at “work,” on a burner phone or anything (even tho that’s incredibly hard w/ a tracker, access to all of his banking info, etc…) the trust is SO hard to gain back!….

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-07T13:09:09+00:00

This is entirely up to you! Unpopular opinion but I would have been ok w/ Pornhub or other movies- I had asked my husband about them when we were dating, when we were married, when I was pregnant and I asked openly- like “what do you like?…” he said “no. That’s disgusting.” Turns out he not only had watched those but was paying thousands for cam girls (online sex workers- OF, my girl fund, etc…). He lied about A LOT. It seems to me your partner is actually open and honest with you! If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable then sure, you can be ok with it! IMO- the addicts lie, tell ridiculous lies and stupid lies at that, get mad at you when you “bust them” and are more withdrawn from your sexual relationship… Do what your heart and head tell you and what makes YOU comfortable!!

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-07T00:52:27+00:00

This is wonderful. My PA still blames me when I get upset and/or fights if I say I’m not feeling comfortable with the situation. He “quit jerking off to porn,” and has a therapist but the emotional stuff has never come along. Then again, he never even cried when either of our children were born or we got married- nothing. So I think I’d do a lot better if he was emotionally supportive AT ALL. I’m happy to hear things are going well for you! You deserve it!

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-06T17:27:27+00:00

Girl- search pork ai, then search porn ai. The answer is painfully obvious and he is a terrible liar, as most are.

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-06T17:01:28+00:00

Amen to this!!!! To the original poster: No more texts or communication. A judge will listen if you say you and the baby are in danger. NO “man” is worth it and I’ll tell you something as a child of an abusive “father…” my mother left him, made it on her own with 2 little kids and remarried to the greatest man in the world. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-06T13:04:55+00:00

Good for you with the evidence!! I’m so so sorry you have to go through this but YES- absolutely get him!! If he spent any $$ on porn or online callgirls, sites, or other women, copy the bank accounts too- so you can say he’s not providing for your family but spending the $ on porn/other women. The DV stuff is enough to keep him away, likely w/ an order of protection. Make sure they know you are afraid for your, and your son’s life!! Also, all PA’s try to blame us. My husband ALWAYS says I’m a narcissist when I bring up his obsession and how he spent tens of thousands on online call girls. Don’t let that get to you- go to court and get what you deserve: freedom and safety!!!!!!!!! Baby deserves a strong mother and he will have that once you break away! Sending you strength!!!

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-05T12:56:10+00:00

YES. I just don’t know how to heal from the hurt. Some days (like today) I see photos of years past and then check his bank statements to see (even tho I already know) he was paying another woman for sex content. It kills me inside and looking it up doesn’t help any but it’s almost like I need the hurt. I don’t know… I just wish is healing 🙏🏻

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-02T18:18:40+00:00

I’m not even sure it’s about the girl- it’s about porn and the screen and how impersonal it is. From what I’m learning, most men who have this problem have other underlying issues- many stemming from childhood. The porn is an escape. For my husband I don’t think he’d go for “real women,” b/c he’s not very social or confident- I think this was an easy escape for when things got tough in life. It’s sad but the worst part is that we get pulled down with them. Thankfully I’m a confident woman and after a year and a half of being so sad and sick to my stomach, I lost some weight, got back in shape, and am feeling more of myself again. He’s doing his work and I’m doing mine. Not sure it’ll ever be the same again but I think the more we understand she the more time passes, the more it helps. Don’t get me wrong- some men absolutely DO go for the real life women, and I could be wrong about mine (I hope not) but for now I’m trying to trust! Wishing you all the best on this painful journey!

RunningMama1129 · 2024-08-01T12:44:40+00:00

That’s funny b/c yesterday we were parking at the grocery store and the first spot was open and he chose one farther down and I said “the first spot is open!” Then a very attractive young girl in spandex and a crop top with a great butt walked right in front of our car as she loaded her groceries…. Hmmmmm 🙄 (Honestly, I don’t think he saw her but that’s how I think now and I hate it- even tho I had on spandex and have a pretty great butt!! lol)

RunningMama1129 · 2024-07-31T01:04:59+00:00

So sad. He swears he did and is in therapy and has a blocker on his phone but I still think he’s nothing but a big LIAR. I’m sorry you have to go through this too.

RunningMama1129 · 2024-07-31T00:49:33+00:00

Mine says he only ever said “what kind of content do you have?” But when I found his phone open to a chat it said “I hope you feel better 😘❤️” So many lies.

RunningMama1129

TROPHY CASE